I am Zooey. Finally.

[Zooey]

Hello. My name is Zooey. I'm a 42 year-old trans woman. I've known I'm a girl since I was five years old. But I was raised in a strict conservative home in the rural south in the United States. I have spent my whole life keeping this secret. And as you all know it has been painful much of the time and unbearable some of the time. I'm a girl and I've been forced to live in this body. It's not fair that I've had to pretend to be a boy my whole life. 

A month or so ago I finally decided it was time to be myself, at least with my wife. Who knows how much time I have left, you know? I told her I am a woman and she reacted in the best way imaginable. She sort of shrugged her shoulders and said, "that's cool". She actually acted confused that I thought it might be a big deal. "So, you're a woman. OK. What do you want for dinner?" And just like that, we are wife and wife. She even calls me her wife and uses my real name. I'm getting emotional just talking about it right now. I don't know if I'll come out to the world just yet but I'm thankful I no longer have to hide in my own home. 

Anyway, I look forward to sharing more of my story over my time here. I'm thankful I found this forum. I can't wait to get to know some of you and find myself even more through the resources available here. Thank you. 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Zooey.  Welcome!

 

I am so happy for you that your wife is so accepting!  I am lucky in that respect, too.  I wish you success in whatever transition steps you might choose to take.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Jackie C.]

Aww, that's sweet @Zooey! I'm glad your wife had such a positive response!

 

Yeah, completely understand where you're coming from. I expect you'll find a lot of the girls here have similar stories. My "What am I doing?" moment didn't come until I was 48, but yeah. I completely get it.

 

Anyway, welcome to Transgenderpulse! Please feel free to join the discussion as the mood strikes you. We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

Hi Zooey, it's nice to meet you and welcome to Trans Pulse! I'm so touched to read about how your wife has so openly accepted and supported you, what a beautifully affirming experience that you can be yourself in the comfort of home and not keep such an important part of yourself hidden from everyone, especially with the kind of environment you describe you grew up in. Like you, I hid and even actively denied my own gender identity and expression for years until the pain of doing so became too much. I've now come out to my partner as well as several close friends, and transitioning to living as a woman.

 

Looking forward to getting to know you!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Zooey. I glad you found us. This really is a great place. I've been here about 7 months and have learned and grown so much. There are so many helpful and understanding people here.

[Zooey]

Wow! So much support and so fast! I'm so happy right now. I'm going to love it here.

[Chloe Cozee]

Hi Zooey,

 

I am new here also. Thank you for sharing your story and it's nice to meet you.

 

Chloe

[Ivy]

Welcome @Zooey

[Princess-audra]

Welcome aboard. 

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @Zooeyand welcome to the group!! Boy, when I started reading your first paragraph I wondered if someone had copied and pasted mine here. I can really identify with a lot of what you shared. I hope you feel at home here. This is a great place with a lot of awesome people. Thanks for joining us! ❤️

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Zooey,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Zooey]

Thank you all so much. I feel so safe here. And I wanted to reiterate that my wife is so amazing. She treats me like a girl now and our relationship has never been stronger. We were friends before but now it feels more intimate. We're going out right now to find me some tops and fingernail polish. I truly believe she is as excited as I am. I love life right now. I absolutely love life right now. I wish everyone was so lucky. 

[Susan R]

Hello @Zooey, You have truly been blessed. It takes a rare individual to be able look beyond gender and see the core person and realize...”Hey, this person regardless of their presentation means everything to me and I want to support them in any way I can.”

I think you will continue to experience a wonderful journey with your wife right along side you. Moving into the role of wife has been an incredible experience for me and I’m sure you’ll soon see, if you haven’t already, just how fulfilling it can be. Thank you for sharing some of your uplifting news with us here. It gives others hope that things can work out even after coming out.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[KathyLauren]

1 hour ago, Zooey said:

I love life right now. I absolutely love life right now. I wish everyone was so lucky. 

 

It makes me so happy to read this! 

[Piellette]

Hi Zooey, I'm SO happy for you and SO jealous at the same time.  I'm 52 and came out to my wife a few months ago and it was NOTHING like your experience.  The first thing she said to me when I told her I was a woman was "are you gay?".  To that I said "no, I'm lesbian".  It didn't make a difference, she wants to have nothing to do with it, refuses to go to couple therapy, refuses to acknowledge it, threatens to leave when/if I start transitioning, accuses me of destroying the family when/if I come out, blames me for deceiving her by not telling her before we got married 23 years ago, and on and on and on.  Notice she said "when/if" because to me it's not an IF it's a WHEN and WHEN it happens I'm pretty sure the kids will be with me and she'll be the one left behind.  Anyway, this is about you, not about me.  Do make the best out of what you have and take extremely good care of your wife, she so totally deserve it and you totally deserve her.

 

Love

[Piellette]

BTW, I love to hear stories like these, sure I'm jealous but people like your wife make the world a better place for current and future generations.  For me it's too late, my wife is how she is and won't change, I have to wait another few years before I can do anything.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Zooeysuch great stuff is happening for you. It's incredibly rare to have a wife like yours.

[Zooey]

I don't mean to keep harping on it, because I know some here aren't as fortunate. But I'm sitting here in clothes which confirm my identity, complete with breast forms and a bra my wife bought for me. My kid has accepted the change. I know it will be more challenging if I ever want to go out in the world as myself. But I'm happy today. I wish everyone could have this. I wish I'd been more brave earlier on. Wow. 

[Jackie C.]

Nothing at all wrong with being happy and letting people know. We need to have affirming stories as much as we need to give each other support when things go poorly.

 

Hugs!

[Gabriel]

It's wonderful to hear your and your wife's story Zooey. Thank you for sharing!

[Charlize]

Zooey the day may soon come when you will want to start moving in the world as yourself.  Your families support will help! I can say that is wonderful to walk into the ladies room with your wife.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Ivy]

18 hours ago, Zooey said:

But I'm happy today. I wish everyone could have this

I wish so too.

Have fresh ground coffee this morning, which I’m usually too lazy to make.  

I’m at my daughter’s for the weekend.    They invited me up to get away from the house for a bit.   She has been one of my biggest supporters since I came out, and even went to appointments with me in the beginning when I was terrified.  
 

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

 I can say that is wonderful to walk into the ladies room with your wife

I have had this offer from my daughter, but chickened out.    Sigh.  Maybe soon.   I have been told I pass better than I realize.   I do know that things do get easier with time.  

[Zooey]

Thanks, as always, everybody. We discussed hormones today but she's not 100% sure she's ready to move that far just yet, if ever. I am 6'3 and not likely to pass. Regardless, it would be nice to have a body closer to the one I've always wanted. It's a big decision. If I only had myself to consider I'd begin hormones ASAP. But for now I'm going to get used to being myself out in the open. And it's nice hearing my wife using my pronouns and my real name. We're still in early days. Who knows what the future holds?