My story

[Ava87]

 

I figured I tell you my story on how I found out I was trans this will be a long one.all when I was in middle/high school.I new something was wrong about my gender, I use to try on my mom’s underwear and pantyhose.The feeling i got I supposed to wear something like that.this was the first time I hid this feeling from myself. a month later I saw a dress at work, I thought was cute  so I purchased it . And When I got it home I had to sneak  it passed by my mom and I did. Then tried it on in my room and there was that feeling again. And I said to my self this isn’t right we are a man not a girl. Then I shoved that feeling again deep inside myself. But at this point I all ready was sorta playing as the opposite gender in imaginary play. But it really didn’t hit me intel I started to watch a anime called ranma one Half. The one where they could change there gender just by the temp of the water. And I thought it would be cool i could change into a girl and never change back. Then I just laughed it off and didn’t think about it again. But that feeling kept coming back and back. Of course I’m a gamer so I tried playing the opposite gender in rpg and it felt right. Then I started to look up what was gender dysphoria .Then I did some research on it off and on for a long time. At this point i new I was trans I just didn’t want to deal with it. So I would beat my self very time that feeling came up! And said you are a guy and not a girl. Soon after that I tried to  commit suicide in 2015 shortly later that year I came out as trans, but my father’s health was as declining and I put my mental health on the back burner. I’m not going to add any more to this story because it would take for ever. Ps im sorry I haven’t been around  just Ben really busy.

[Audrey]

Hi Ava, good to hear from you again and thank you for sharing some of your story with us. I certainly relate to the long road of struggles with gender dysphoria, doubting my own gender identity and expression through mental battles in my head, and nearly self-destructing in my darkest moments. It sounds like you are in a better place emotionally now than before you came out several years ago, though I'm sorry to hear about your father. Wherever you are in your journey today, I'm hopeful you'll find the support you're looking for, both here as well as elsewhere in your life.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Ava87.  A good friend of mine is named Ava. It's a beautiful name. Parts of your story resonate with me even the dark parts.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome back, Ava.  If I've never met you before, I'm glad to meet you now.  Your story is similar to many here, including the part about wishing to end your life.  I'm glad you didn't, and I hope that if you ever feel like that again you'll come here and talk to us, or visit the Chat Room via Discord.

 

Please ask us any questions, and we will always do our best to answer them honestly; no sugar coating, I promise.  Take care of yourself and good luck!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Vanessa Michelle]

@Ava87Welcome to the group!! Thanks for sharing your story too! ❤️

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Ava,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Ivy]

Welcome Ava.

[Susan R]

Hello @Ava87, It is nice to read a little about your journey thus far and how it got you to our forum. Many of us here have had similar experiences..including myself. I think researching, experimenting, and looking for answers can be helpful, especially in the beginning.

Have you discussed this with any family or friends you can trust? It’s a tough thing to go through alone. Isolation is sometimes one of the things that come with being trans but it comes with a price. Finding allies for support is so important, imho.

If your mom supportive of you with regards to being trans, maybe she would help you find a good therapist to assist you in this process of self exploration. I know it’s confusing at times and can cause a lot of stress. Just realize that you are not alone and it’s possible to work through all this in time with some help. We are here for you and will try to help you in any way we can.

 

I wish you the best on you journey wherever it may lead you,

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Heather Nicole]

Hi @Ava87! Ranma 1/2 was a big clue for me, too   Love your profile image btw, so pretty!

 

The part of your story about your first dress reminds me of one of my favorite manga: Wandering Son (aka Hourou Musuko) I recommend it if you haven't read it already. It's out of print and hard to get, but there are fan translations online.