Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Awakenings


Chloe Cozee

Recommended Posts

I have been a member for two weeks and thought I would share a little more about myself and my journey. My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born. I grew up trying to be a boy and man hiding my feminine emotions, sensitivity and wanting to nurture people and animals. After raising a family and the kids moving out, I decided that I had enough of the shallow male life and started accepting that I have felt like a girl / woman inside all my life. This turning point has resulted in "awakenings" in my life. First is my feminine awakening. I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me. The second awakening was shedding the thought that I wasn't good enough that burdened me all my life. It was like, wow I don't have anything to prove to anyone! It was like a huge dose of self acceptance was injected into me. The third awakening was finally liking myself. I like who I am. That was another feeling that I had my whole life. Maybe I was disappointed with myself when my mother told me that they wanted a girl and carried that around. Well, I am a girl and I love that girl. My parents are long gone, I hope maybe they are looking down on me with smiles.

 

So where will this journey go? That is a good question and I do not know the answer. I often meditate and visualize myself in the future. My dysphoria is not terrible. Probably the my worst dysphoric feelings are about my facial hair. I use my Norelco electric shaver 2 to 3 times a day. I feel like, instead of dysphoria pulling me down, it is more like womanhood pulling me forward! I have been using an epilator on my legs, arms, chest and belly hair. It is taking longer and longer for the hair to grow back. It seems like I can go 3 weeks before I have to epilate again. My toenails are always polished. I often wear a cami and leggings to relax around the house. Several times a week, I use makeup and wear one of my wigs. I recently pierced my ears. I am waiting for them to heal and have bought some nice earrings to wear when the studs can come out. 

 

So what is the vision of myself in the future. Well first, I am being cautious about work and certain family members. So I can either live part time or full time as a woman. I see myself with my hair grown out and styled, wearing makeup everyday and my nails done. I will replace my male wedding band with a woman's ring. My everyday clothes will be women's jeans, a woman's running or t shirt and women's gym shoes. I am currently looking at articles and videos on voice changes. I just want to fit in as the lady next door in my middle class neighborhood.

 

I live in Illinois and I see a few other Illinois flags out there!  

 

I am happy to be here. Hugs to all of you!

Chloe

Link to comment

Chloe, it sounds to me that you have a healthy view of yourself, which in my mind, is one of best ways to move forward into your preferred gender.  It's so much fun, and liberating, to let the rest of the world get to know the woman inside.  Embrace and enjoy your feminine self-expression.

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Chloe Cozee said:

So where will this journey go?

Welcome again, Chloe and thank you for sharing more of your story.  It feels very familiar to me and I have had a similar journey, awakening, and starting to project how I see myself in the future.
I do have some obstacles to overcome to continue to make progress, but for now small steps keep me motivated and hopeful.
Gender therapy has been a great help also, specially when anxieties arise about the pace of progress.  Let's keep moving forward together❣️

Link to comment

Hey @Chloe Cozee!! Thanks for sharing more of your story sis! I love it! You are an amazing woman and you sound like you're coming along nicely. I'm proud of you. Love the profile pic too, btw ❤️

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born.

My mom wanted a boy to be her first born and she has a story that she's often shares that makes me wonder sometimes. ?

On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me.

Tell me about.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 153 Guests (See full list)

    • Lorelei
    • KathyLauren
    • EasyE
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
    • Breanne_O
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...