Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Awakenings


Chloe Cozee

Recommended Posts

I have been a member for two weeks and thought I would share a little more about myself and my journey. My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born. I grew up trying to be a boy and man hiding my feminine emotions, sensitivity and wanting to nurture people and animals. After raising a family and the kids moving out, I decided that I had enough of the shallow male life and started accepting that I have felt like a girl / woman inside all my life. This turning point has resulted in "awakenings" in my life. First is my feminine awakening. I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me. The second awakening was shedding the thought that I wasn't good enough that burdened me all my life. It was like, wow I don't have anything to prove to anyone! It was like a huge dose of self acceptance was injected into me. The third awakening was finally liking myself. I like who I am. That was another feeling that I had my whole life. Maybe I was disappointed with myself when my mother told me that they wanted a girl and carried that around. Well, I am a girl and I love that girl. My parents are long gone, I hope maybe they are looking down on me with smiles.

 

So where will this journey go? That is a good question and I do not know the answer. I often meditate and visualize myself in the future. My dysphoria is not terrible. Probably the my worst dysphoric feelings are about my facial hair. I use my Norelco electric shaver 2 to 3 times a day. I feel like, instead of dysphoria pulling me down, it is more like womanhood pulling me forward! I have been using an epilator on my legs, arms, chest and belly hair. It is taking longer and longer for the hair to grow back. It seems like I can go 3 weeks before I have to epilate again. My toenails are always polished. I often wear a cami and leggings to relax around the house. Several times a week, I use makeup and wear one of my wigs. I recently pierced my ears. I am waiting for them to heal and have bought some nice earrings to wear when the studs can come out. 

 

So what is the vision of myself in the future. Well first, I am being cautious about work and certain family members. So I can either live part time or full time as a woman. I see myself with my hair grown out and styled, wearing makeup everyday and my nails done. I will replace my male wedding band with a woman's ring. My everyday clothes will be women's jeans, a woman's running or t shirt and women's gym shoes. I am currently looking at articles and videos on voice changes. I just want to fit in as the lady next door in my middle class neighborhood.

 

I live in Illinois and I see a few other Illinois flags out there!  

 

I am happy to be here. Hugs to all of you!

Chloe

Link to comment

Chloe, it sounds to me that you have a healthy view of yourself, which in my mind, is one of best ways to move forward into your preferred gender.  It's so much fun, and liberating, to let the rest of the world get to know the woman inside.  Embrace and enjoy your feminine self-expression.

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Chloe Cozee said:

So where will this journey go?

Welcome again, Chloe and thank you for sharing more of your story.  It feels very familiar to me and I have had a similar journey, awakening, and starting to project how I see myself in the future.
I do have some obstacles to overcome to continue to make progress, but for now small steps keep me motivated and hopeful.
Gender therapy has been a great help also, specially when anxieties arise about the pace of progress.  Let's keep moving forward together❣️

Link to comment

Hey @Chloe Cozee!! Thanks for sharing more of your story sis! I love it! You are an amazing woman and you sound like you're coming along nicely. I'm proud of you. Love the profile pic too, btw ❤️

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born.

My mom wanted a boy to be her first born and she has a story that she's often shares that makes me wonder sometimes. ?

On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me.

Tell me about.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 144 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      RIP Dickie Betts  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Which  do you pefer to refresh yourself - Music, Movies, Reading, Gaming, Nature, Other?
    • Heather Shay
      HRT visit always NP brings joy.
    • Heather Shay
      Nostalgia is an emotion. It is the feeling of enjoying events from the past. People with nostalgia will often look at or use old things that they were familiar with years ago. This is because people feel more connected to those past times that they enjoyed, usually because it reminds them of how long it has been since they last connected to such past times. Examples where people may have the feeling of nostalgia includes watching old TV shows, using old technology that was very enjoyable, and playing with toys that you played with as a child. These memories are usually misleading, and can make someone wish that they could be young again, even if their childhood was mediocre. Human brains often leave out boring or bad memories, which can cause incorrect feelings about their childhood.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Welcome. Love your photo. Glad you are here and see you've already met 2 of the amazing people here. Hugs
    • Heather Shay
      CAT FACTS A cat's jaw cannot move sideways. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat   A house cat’s genome is 95.6 percent tiger, and they share many behaviors with their jungle ancestors, says Layla Morgan Wilde, a cat behavior expert and the founder of Cat Wisdom 101. These behaviors include scent marking by scratching, prey play, prey stalking, pouncing, chinning, and urine marking. Cats are believed to be the only mammals who don’t taste sweetness. Cats are nearsighted, but their peripheral vision and night vision are much better than that of humans. Cats are supposed to have 18 toes (five toes on each front paw; four toes on each back paw). Cats can jump up to six times their length. Cats’ claws all curve downward, which means that they can’t climb down trees head-first. Instead, they have to back down the trunk. Cats’ collarbones don’t connect to their other bones, as these bones are buried in their shoulder muscles. Cats have 230 bones, while humans only have 206. Cats have an extra organ that allows them to taste scents on the air, which is why your cat stares at you with her mouth open from time to time. Cats have whiskers on the backs of their front legs, as well. Cats have nearly twice the amount of neurons in their cerebral cortex as dogs. Cats have the largest eyes relative to their head size of any mammal. Cats make very little noise when they walk around. The thick, soft pads on their paws allow them to sneak up on their prey — or you! Cats’ rough tongues can lick a bone clean of any shred of meat. Cats use their long tails to balance themselves when they’re jumping or walking along narrow ledges. Cats use their whiskers to “feel” the world around them in an effort to determine which small spaces they can fit into. A cat’s whiskers are generally about the same width as its body. (This is why you should never, EVER cut their whiskers.) Cats walk like camels and giraffes: They move both of their right feet first, then move both of their left feet. No other animals walk this way. Male cats are more likely to be left-pawed, while female cats are more likely to be right-pawed. Though cats can notice the fast movements of their prey, it often seems to them that slow-moving objects are actually stagnant. Some cats are ambidextrous, but 40 percent are either left- or right-pawed. Some cats can swim. There are cats who have more than 18 toes. These extra-digit felines are referred to as being “polydactyl.”
    • Willow
      Good morning,   I over slept yesterday was a couple minutes late clocking in.  But no breakfast or coffee.  Got caught up but it was go go go all morning.  I had to ask for a refresher on how I was to enter something but once I got a quick answer it came back to me.    @KymmieL sorry Ford didn’t work out.  We are always looking for good reliable people, I could get you a job here but the commute would be rough.  Today I have three audits to get done, plus other things during my shift on top of the regular things.  Since I am opening that puts me in the drivers seat.  The Asst Mgr comes in part way throuh my shift but she will have to handle customers while I do the work she would be doing if she opened. Tail wagging the dog.  Guess she’s getting punished for not following the Mgr’s requests.  They do tend to butt heads a lot.     Butting heads with people is a thing the Asst is known for.   @awkward-yet-sweet do you think just maybe this new graphics request was in the offing?  And why you were asked to go to work with your husband?  Obviously, he cares about you a lot and is trying to do things to help you.   speaking of meeting people @Adrianna Danielle we have a youngish customer who comes in frequently, I’d like to approach her but I’m just not certain yet.  She still dresses male but has long hair and early chest development.  My approach, if I ever decided I should would just be supportive but I really can’t be sure that is what is going on here or what and I would not want to make a big blunder if that’s not what he is doing.  A male with early teen boobs doesn’t want to be noticed.   well, I can’t be late again, I’ve got to leave now.  See you again later for afternoon tea and crumpets or scones. Mmm scones!   lol   Willow
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/scotland-pauses-prescriptions-puberty-blockers-transgender-minors-rcna148366     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.huffpost.com/entry/a-second-trump-presidency-would-be-a-nightmare-scenario-for-transgender-people_n_661ff9a9e4b07db21fd5d59b     Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...