Awakenings

[Chloe Cozee]

I have been a member for two weeks and thought I would share a little more about myself and my journey. My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born. I grew up trying to be a boy and man hiding my feminine emotions, sensitivity and wanting to nurture people and animals. After raising a family and the kids moving out, I decided that I had enough of the shallow male life and started accepting that I have felt like a girl / woman inside all my life. This turning point has resulted in "awakenings" in my life. First is my feminine awakening. I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me. The second awakening was shedding the thought that I wasn't good enough that burdened me all my life. It was like, wow I don't have anything to prove to anyone! It was like a huge dose of self acceptance was injected into me. The third awakening was finally liking myself. I like who I am. That was another feeling that I had my whole life. Maybe I was disappointed with myself when my mother told me that they wanted a girl and carried that around. Well, I am a girl and I love that girl. My parents are long gone, I hope maybe they are looking down on me with smiles.

 

So where will this journey go? That is a good question and I do not know the answer. I often meditate and visualize myself in the future. My dysphoria is not terrible. Probably the my worst dysphoric feelings are about my facial hair. I use my Norelco electric shaver 2 to 3 times a day. I feel like, instead of dysphoria pulling me down, it is more like womanhood pulling me forward! I have been using an epilator on my legs, arms, chest and belly hair. It is taking longer and longer for the hair to grow back. It seems like I can go 3 weeks before I have to epilate again. My toenails are always polished. I often wear a cami and leggings to relax around the house. Several times a week, I use makeup and wear one of my wigs. I recently pierced my ears. I am waiting for them to heal and have bought some nice earrings to wear when the studs can come out. 

 

So what is the vision of myself in the future. Well first, I am being cautious about work and certain family members. So I can either live part time or full time as a woman. I see myself with my hair grown out and styled, wearing makeup everyday and my nails done. I will replace my male wedding band with a woman's ring. My everyday clothes will be women's jeans, a woman's running or t shirt and women's gym shoes. I am currently looking at articles and videos on voice changes. I just want to fit in as the lady next door in my middle class neighborhood.

 

I live in Illinois and I see a few other Illinois flags out there!  

 

I am happy to be here. Hugs to all of you!

Chloe

[Sally Stone]

Chloe, it sounds to me that you have a healthy view of yourself, which in my mind, is one of best ways to move forward into your preferred gender.  It's so much fun, and liberating, to let the rest of the world get to know the woman inside.  Embrace and enjoy your feminine self-expression.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Chloe Cozee said:

So where will this journey go?

Welcome again, Chloe and thank you for sharing more of your story.  It feels very familiar to me and I have had a similar journey, awakening, and starting to project how I see myself in the future.
I do have some obstacles to overcome to continue to make progress, but for now small steps keep me motivated and hopeful.
Gender therapy has been a great help also, specially when anxieties arise about the pace of progress.  Let's keep moving forward together

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hey @Chloe Cozee!! Thanks for sharing more of your story sis! I love it! You are an amazing woman and you sound like you're coming along nicely. I'm proud of you. Love the profile pic too, btw

[Chloe Cozee]

Thank you everyone who replied! 

[Drayse]

On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born.

My mom wanted a boy to be her first born and she has a story that she's often shares that makes me wonder sometimes.

On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me.

Tell me about.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.