Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!


Chloe Cozee

Recommended Posts

Chloe Cozee

I have been a member for two weeks and thought I would share a little more about myself and my journey. My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born. I grew up trying to be a boy and man hiding my feminine emotions, sensitivity and wanting to nurture people and animals. After raising a family and the kids moving out, I decided that I had enough of the shallow male life and started accepting that I have felt like a girl / woman inside all my life. This turning point has resulted in "awakenings" in my life. First is my feminine awakening. I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me. The second awakening was shedding the thought that I wasn't good enough that burdened me all my life. It was like, wow I don't have anything to prove to anyone! It was like a huge dose of self acceptance was injected into me. The third awakening was finally liking myself. I like who I am. That was another feeling that I had my whole life. Maybe I was disappointed with myself when my mother told me that they wanted a girl and carried that around. Well, I am a girl and I love that girl. My parents are long gone, I hope maybe they are looking down on me with smiles.


So where will this journey go? That is a good question and I do not know the answer. I often meditate and visualize myself in the future. My dysphoria is not terrible. Probably the my worst dysphoric feelings are about my facial hair. I use my Norelco electric shaver 2 to 3 times a day. I feel like, instead of dysphoria pulling me down, it is more like womanhood pulling me forward! I have been using an epilator on my legs, arms, chest and belly hair. It is taking longer and longer for the hair to grow back. It seems like I can go 3 weeks before I have to epilate again. My toenails are always polished. I often wear a cami and leggings to relax around the house. Several times a week, I use makeup and wear one of my wigs. I recently pierced my ears. I am waiting for them to heal and have bought some nice earrings to wear when the studs can come out. 


So what is the vision of myself in the future. Well first, I am being cautious about work and certain family members. So I can either live part time or full time as a woman. I see myself with my hair grown out and styled, wearing makeup everyday and my nails done. I will replace my male wedding band with a woman's ring. My everyday clothes will be women's jeans, a woman's running or t shirt and women's gym shoes. I am currently looking at articles and videos on voice changes. I just want to fit in as the lady next door in my middle class neighborhood.


I live in Illinois and I see a few other Illinois flags out there!  


I am happy to be here. Hugs to all of you!


Link to post
Sally Stone

Chloe, it sounds to me that you have a healthy view of yourself, which in my mind, is one of best ways to move forward into your preferred gender.  It's so much fun, and liberating, to let the rest of the world get to know the woman inside.  Embrace and enjoy your feminine self-expression.

Link to post
13 hours ago, Chloe Cozee said:

So where will this journey go?

Welcome again, Chloe and thank you for sharing more of your story.  It feels very familiar to me and I have had a similar journey, awakening, and starting to project how I see myself in the future.
I do have some obstacles to overcome to continue to make progress, but for now small steps keep me motivated and hopeful.
Gender therapy has been a great help also, specially when anxieties arise about the pace of progress.  Let's keep moving forward together❣️

Link to post
Vanessa Michelle

Hey @Chloe Cozee!! Thanks for sharing more of your story sis! I love it! You are an amazing woman and you sound like you're coming along nicely. I'm proud of you. Love the profile pic too, btw ❤️

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

My mother wanted a girl while pregnant with me and I often wonder if her thoughts started shaping my journey before I was born.

My mom wanted a boy to be her first born and she has a story that she's often shares that makes me wonder sometimes. 😅

On 1/21/2021 at 4:48 PM, Chloe Cozee said:

I tried the Face App trick of reading in my male picture and doing the gender change. When I saw the picture, I felt like my soul was looking back at me.

Tell me about.


Thanks for sharing your story.


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   12 Members, 0 Anonymous, 49 Guests (See full list)

    • Jandi
    • Delcina B
    • jae bear
    • AgnesBardsie
    • Harlyqynn
    • goodnewsihope
    • Robin.C
    • ElizabethStar
    • Teejay
    • Jackie C.
    • Drayse
    • JamieMackenzie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex.G
    2. GurlinCanton
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Harlyqynn
      Hello, I am unsure where to start really, I guess I want to say out loud to the world that I am proud to be bisexual and finally open up that I am genderfluid. It has taken me a couple of decades to finally be able understand my gender, I feel like the world had finally given me a word that defines how I have felt for a long time. It was strange growing up, having feeling and thoughts without a label to make sense of myself or anyone to talk to about it. Some people consider the lack of a label a positive thing which I understand in many ways but it has been so hard to put into words to describe myself. I never understood why one day I would like my body as I was born (female) to then find I wanted nothing more than to be the total opposite. I was like two different people growing up, fluctuating from being happy as I represent one way to the complete opposite where I felt empty and a fraud, never opening up to one side of myself. I buried so many feelings and would make myself numb on the days where I felt 'wrong'. My sexuality on the other hand was something I came to terms with quite early on and although I never shouted it out, I was not ashamed privately of it from being a late teen. I confess even now, I am more nervous about telling my family and friends about being genderfluid as the world is still learning about it. I have finally admitted to myself who I am which has brought me so much relief and happiness. I feel like I am learning my life again, it's a wonderful taste of freedom. It is very early stages, I still fear being laughed at or told I am 'confused'. I have suffered with depression and bad mental healthe over the years- my greatest fear is having my past illnesses used against me when I try to explain who I am as a person. I truly believe my sadness in the past was partly due to the suppression and lies I carried for so long. After years of heartache, numbness, confusion, secrecy, traumas and insecurities I am emerging as a beautiful person. I understand so much more and I am able represent my true self. I would love to chat with others that understand, this is my first time of opening up to the wider world and I fear strangers less than those close to me. So far I have only told 2 people about being genderfluid; my partner and one friend. They were incredibly supportive. Love to them both XXX       
    • Sylvia Feng
      I got my MSW the end of 2019, which was before I came out to my parents and friends and started HRT, and during this time I've been unsuccessfully looking for/applying to as many positions I can find that meet my post-grad licensure requirements. I mean, the whole reason I chose an MSW over an MFT or MHC is because I wanted the other "helping" options social work offers.   While I could go on about how ridiculous it feels getting licensed to practice clinical social work is (do individual counseling without supervision), I'm just curious how other people have managed to find the work they needed to get licensed.   Thanks for your help!
    • Willow Farmer
      I'm proud of you!  That is one more hurdle you can check off.  That leaves you more energy for tomorrow's goals.    I just got back from electrolysis.   My upper lip hurts.   When I try to stop transitioning,  I always hurt more.  
    • Pumela
      Thanks for the replay. Hopes and dreams. I just want him to be happy and feel loved. It’s ripping me apart seeing him like this. He is so angry dosen’t want to talk to his counseler anymore and is sick of all the dr calls. 
    • HollyNoel
      Well I did it. I turned it into the news paper today this morning. Lol. I’m so excited that I know that in about a month I will be Holly legally. Omg it seems like a dream. 
    • Willow Farmer
      I have 3 seriously Christian customers that know what I am doing, -trans-.   They don't preach , they live by example.   They have always liked me and support me now.  
    • Shay
      OMG - same is tryue here and I never remembered much about my dad and my wife notices I am remembering more in those areas - the almost continuous life of hints and clues and smacks in the sub-conscious - my sub-conscious now says .... duh .... what did you think was going on?   @claire1000 - I forgot to mention numbing the pain with pot (gave it up but it didn't help) and drinking heavy (gave it up but that didn't help either) - the only solution has been "quit denying yourself and find the resources you need." the current society acceptance and with more and more folks coming out - it is getting easier - and I can't deny the frustrations of the past and wished I lived in an era of acceptance back then - I choose to be BETTER not BITTER about the past - that was my journey and only I could go on the journey.
    • claire1000
      There doesn't have to be a HAHA moment as I said before it was constant hints through childhood that made me feel different from other boys, and my teenage years were a nightmare as I tried the hyper masculine {playing football}way of trying to hide how I really felt which in the sixties would have been looked on with disdain or even thought to be a mental illness. When I was sixteen or so I found a copy of DR Harrry Bengamin's The Transexual Phenomenon  when I read it I cried thinking there was a solution but cried realizing that the chances of me being able to do this was slim and none. Forty  plus years of frustration, and 20 years of drinking alcoholiclly left me little hope for real happiness. What happened when I started HRT wasn't any physical change{they were relatively slow} but just the general feeling of well being of feeling this must be what being a female is, not sure if it was the estrogen finally in me, or the Knowledge that I was on my way but it was if I was walking on a type of cloud nine that the weight of the male world was finally beginning to lift that for me was my HAHA moment.
    • Shay
      I gave up hiding - after 50 years of depression, anxiety , panic attacks, anorexia, multiple therapists and gray market self-HRT - I finally said I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I TRY SUPERVISED HRT AND A GOOD GENDER THERAPIST. And that is what I did - I knew I was trans but denied it all my life asnd the previous therapist knew depression and anxiety but never went to gender dysphoria even when I was caught by my wife using gray market HRT. 
    • Teri Anne
      Sounds awesome Myles97  Post a pic if you want but if you choose not to thats OK too. How the clothes make you feel is the important thing. Went out yesterday looking for a few clothing items and didn't find anything I was looking for but it was nice getting out .
    • Jandi
      While I do look at a certain chain of events, really I find that I am still constantly processing it all.  As time goes by I remember more things in my past.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had made different choices.  But there's no point in that, since the past is past. And I wonder how much do I break from my past?  How much is just a continuing story?   Sometimes I feel as if I'm still in a holding pattern.  I suspect the covid pandemic has something to do with that. I'm not young, but I don't know where to go from here - it probably won't be far, LOL. Guess I'm just rambling now.
    • Linda Marie
      No turning back. All the dreams come out, now you can't turn back. Now you are face to face with yourself, you think to yourself, what have I done. Where do I go from here?   My no turning back was when I came out. What was yours?  
    • Linda Marie
      Well, when did I know I was in DEEP.... When my sister moved out, she left a lot of clothes. I hit the gold mine! Dresses, panties, hose, the whole nine yards, That is when I knew, I was in DEEP.  
    • Linda Marie
      Gosh, when did I realize I was in deep. Was it the time I dressed upped in my sisters clothes? We shared a bed room back then. Or was it when all I could of think was, I want to wear what's she's wearing?   What woke you up to that  Deep inner person you are today? I gave my hints up there ♥️
    • Dee Jolly
      Hi all! My name is Dee Jolly and I'm a nonbinary researcher at Boston Children's Hospital's Center for Gender Surgery. We're doing an interview study to understand transfeminine people's experiences with needing to discontinue their gender-affirming hormones (particularly estrogen) before a planned surgery and wanted to pass along our information. We are interested in understanding both what it's physically and emotionally like as well as how information is communicated about this process.   We are asking people to participate in a 45-60 minute 1-on-1 interview over Zoom with a member of the research team. People can be located anywhere in the United States or Canada to participate. The audio will be recorded. Participants will only be identified by a pseudonym of their choice to protect anonymity.   To participate, people must be: - Aged 18 years or older - Have been asked to discontinue their gender-affirming hormones (i.e., estrogen) before a planned surgery at a time when they were taking estrogen for a minimum of 12 continuous months (Surgery does not need to be gender-related). - Able to reliably access the internet - Comfortable with having audio recorded (for research purposes only).   For more info and next steps, please email [email protected] or visit cgsresearch.org/estrogen  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...