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Wife help


Brianna1

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I am new to transgender. Realized it about a year ago. Have wardrobe and do some feminine things. Trying to stay married and not hurt her anymore then I have. Want to start hrt and that is her biggest hang up besides being married to a woman. Any advice how to smooth things over?

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Consider finding an experienced gender therapist and have both of you attend sessions.  This made a real difference for me and my spouse.....

 

Best wishes,

 

Astrid 

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Jackie C.

Seconded, a joint session would probably do both of you good. Presuming your wife can deal with being a lesbian by marriage, she needs to understand that the person she loves isn't going away. HRT isn't going to turn you into a sex maniac hungry for boy bits. I actually saw a statistic the other day (not sure how accurate it was, but it felt about right) that only about 25% of us (MtF) are straight. By straight I mean into men if that's not clear. So you have no plans to leave her. You're still going to be yourself, you'll just have softer skin, less body hair and breasts. I mean sure you're also going to be more emotional too, there will be some personality changes but it's not going to turn you into Ms. Hyde. Just different bits of your personality rotate around to become more prominent while others fade into the background. It's subtle, but you're still you.

 

That was more than I intended, but the core is that you're still going to be you and you're not going to go anywhere unless she pushes you away. It might help her to hear that from somebody else. Someone with letters after their name.

 

Hugs!

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2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

she needs to understand that the person she loves isn't going away.

This! Hi Brianna, it's nice to meet you and I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing with your wife. My partner has also struggled to accept me since I came out as a binary trans woman, started presenting myself in a more feminine way, and began HRT. I will say that the idea of being in a lesbian relationship has been especially hard for my partner, and she has many of the fears Jackie described. My partner and I are striving to keep open and honest communication so we can share about our feelings, rather than keeping them hidden where they can fester into anger, resentment, or worse. Since I came out last summer, my words and actions have shown her that I remain committed to our relationship. She also understands that I have the same anxiety about it too, so there is mutual reassurance, and I feel it's helped us grow together rather than apart. When new challenges come up in the future, we will have a solid foundation of love to face them from. Also, joint therapy sessions can be a great help too as the other posters have suggested. Wishing you the best!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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  You have had advice here that certainly helped us.  My wife and i spent a great deal of time talking, crying, hugging each other.  She had a great deal of grieving to go through and she went through all the stages of grief.   Of course from my perspective nothing changed.  I had always known but my dishonesty was a factor.  Fortunately as i tried to see things from her side i was able to move forward honestly but gently.  Years later we are closer than ever.  I am blessed!  Many wives simply can not accept.  I knew that and could only pray that i could support her regardless of her path.

  I wish you all the best.  Be as kind ,reassuring and loving as you can be.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

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