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Why is it hard to find transgendered friends


Denisenj

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Maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I expect more transgendered women to be open and accepting. It appears many are afraid and do not trust other trans women.I'm a good person I have a beautiful soul I'm giving I'm tearing and I haven't found that special one friend that I can enjoy time with. Has nothing to do with sex it has to do with companionship and like-minded thoughts. I don't feel that I'm ugly individual that nobody wants but besides that I just want a friend that feels like I do. I've been a member of a local transdating site and it's just a waste of time. Now I know why trans women are so lonely because they're afraid to open up to others

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I rarely meet other trans folks unless i am at the recovery meetings i attend.  At this point those are all in a virtual environment.  Otherwise i've found companionship in the cis world.  If i happen to meet someone while shopping etc who might be trans i rarely make the first contact as i don't want to out them, find i'm wrong or upset another person.  I'm pretty sure we all feel that way.  Perhaps the other reason it is difficult is because there are not too many of us.  That need to know others is one reason to be here.  I have dear friends i've met here and have met several others over the years.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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It's just not fair I asked myself is it worth it all I know we do it for us but as humans we need companionship..

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Chloe Cozee

These days with the Covid lock downs, it is hard to get out to meet friends. @Denisenj have you gone to any TG support groups? That might be a place to meet others.

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator

There was a time early non my coming out process when i went to a "ladies night" at a gay bar.  I was so tired of being alone in the closet.  That need for social interaction helped me move towards accepting myself.  Today my social interactions are mostly outside of the LGBTQ community.  Of course with Covid restrictions i rarely spend much time with anyone other tan my wife.  You are family close to Philadelphia i believe so when things get better you might want to join the Renaissance Group that meets once a month in the King of Prussia area.  I went there years ago and enjoyed the companionship of many folks.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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No not really no support groups.

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  • Admin

Many LGBTQ Community Centers are on-line and accept people who may not be in their service areas at their Zoom or other social meetings.  Most have some Trans exclusive meetings, or like mine out here in So. Calif. has just Queer meetings which are LGBTQ+straight allies dropping in with coffee cups in hand.  I totally by accident acquired a now good friend whom I value highly, but have no real interest in actually dating romantically, that way.

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Jackie C.

They keep falling into my lap honestly. I've made two new trans friends in the last year. Just doing normal things. I put myself out there in social situations (meet-ups, clubs, etc...). I meet new people. Some of them happen to also be trans.

 

The thing is that they were never trans gatherings. It was just out meeting people. I've been to trans support groups, but nothing ever clicked there. It's not really my natural environment and I couldn't relax and be myself. The places I've made new friends have always been somewhere where I already feel comfortable and I'm interacting socially. I think all of my friends know I'm trans. They're willing to talk with me about trans issues if I need to vent. Just like any other friend. They need to vent. I'll listen. I need to vent. They listen.

 

And like others have said, we're not that common. About 1 in 200. I may be hogging more than my share. Sorry about that.

 

Hugs!

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I mean I do realize that this virus has slowed down a lot unless you could catch it by talking to somebody over the phone why can't I make friends just to call once in awhile when I'm feeling down and lonely.who knows what my life will bring I know is I'm leaving for Biloxi Mississippi tonight and staying at the Beau rivage but I'm going to be Dennis the whole time down there cuz I'm going with my crazy brother

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@Denisenj I relate to your struggle to meet others in the transgender community. The people I see regularly are all cisgender, and they're great people I love very much, but I also felt I needed friends who could relate to what I was going through on a more personal level. One of the main reasons I joined the forums here was to start building those kinds of friendships, and I'm so glad I did. The online space isn't the same as in-person of course, and yes the pandemic has made doing anything in-person so much more difficult anyway. But I feel much more connected now than I did before joining the forums. I do think that trust is important as you describe, and I know I feel very vulnerable and exposed in unfamiliar circles but building trust and achieving emotional closeness comes with time. Support groups are also a great idea as others have suggested. One of the few positive effects of the pandemic is that many organizations have stepped up their virtual offerings, so things exist now that may never have existed a year ago that you can connect to no matter where you are. Hope these thoughts help!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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I hope you're right Audrey I hope it does get easier but as they say Life goes On

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For me friends have always been few and far between, trans or non trans. This partially attributed to my having trust issues and partially because of my nature as a being.

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magical realism

Ive gone most of my life now with no friends of any kind due to health issues. I recently met a couple people online on an app. But never managed to see them again,and i felt i made such an embarressment of myself on it I had to just delete it. Most of my life ive hardly even met people my own generation let alone people i can relate to. All that is slowly beginning to change but it takes time,especially with covid now. I guess this is just me saying youre not alone in the boat.

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Jackie C.
2 hours ago, CBabe said:

We transgender people treat one another like garbage. I've contributed quite a bit here already during my short time, with a total of 3 trans women interacting with me out of dozens. We don't support one another much, that's why we can't make friends.

 

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

 

Wait, what?

 

Alright though, if you really feel that way, ask one of the admins or devs. They'll take care of it for you.

 

Hugs!

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  • Admin
2 hours ago, CBabe said:

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

One of us on the Admin staff will have to do that for you, the mods cannot, and even then one of the Admins will try to talk you out of just pulling up tent stakes and leaving.  You have less than 100 posts here and have been with us for less than two months. I on the other hand have nearly 16,650 posts +/- and have been here for nearly 10 years.  Several of the longer term folks and I have met IRL over the years and it is wonderful to do so but I do greatly value the ones I know on-line here as well and know I will never meet them in person.  It takes time and patience for Trans people to get to know one another but both are going to be fruitful.  Trans lives are full of anxiety and it is hard to break out of our personal shells and offer friendship.  In being Trans before we realized it, many of us did not develop skills at creating friendship.  Some are truly awkward as they get used to their True Selves, but it wears off.  The weak and uncertain are terrible when they attempt to appear strong and that is what happens often in the Trans community.  You appear to be stronger and more certain of yourself which is wonderful but others here are not there yet.  Some of us, like myself as an Admin are too busy to just strike up an individual conversation with every one of our several thousand members, but I do answer PM's and am happy to talk with anyone who sends me a message, but I also have a bunch of stuff hidden back in the ancient history of the Forums here too.  Leave, and while you can still see the stuff, you would miss the chance to add helpful information to places that need it, which opens us up to seeing you more clearly and which will show your friendship for others to seek in the days ahead.  If you really want to leave PM @MaryEllen, @Carolyn Marieor @Petra Jane because I will not do it just off hand because I think we have more to offer you yet and you have more to give. . 

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  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, CBabe said:

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

@CBabe Please reconsider closing your account. You are potentially losing friends that you may have for life. Please read my PM before you make your final decision. Please!

 

Susan R🌷

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  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, CBabe said:

Friends for life? I have no idea what that is.

Yes @CBabe it happens. I met a trans woman who in 1985 who became my roommate for years. Yes we drifted apart by 2001. We just reconnected early in 2020 and now we are friends who talk a few times a week. Distance and Covid have made it more difficult but I am better for that relationship. She came to visit me and it was like no time had past. My point is that if you have even a handful of friends like that, regardless if they are currently in your life, they can come back into you life when you least expect. Life is like that. It takes time and patience but in the end I am better off for their relationships with me. Please reconsider your decision if not for yourself but for those who would like to be a good friend to you.

 

Susan R🌷

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3 hours ago, CBabe said:

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

I would like to add my voice to everyone else here. I do hope you decide to stay. This is a place where the seeds of connection can be planted, so that the flowers of friendship can then blossom.

 

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Please reconsider your decision if not for yourself but for those who would like to be a good friend to you.

I couldn't have said it better myself. ❤️ 

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, CBabe said:

My entire life has been about giving to others. No more. I owe no one anything.

There is no requirement here to give anything. You do not owe anything to anyone. No one is asking or telling you to do anything but if you want to freely help others, you may benefit more than you realize initially thus helping yourself. This is my truth.

 

All I can say—it is more fulfilling giving of yourself than receiving which is often a very short lived happiness anyways. Taking some risk and putting yourself out there for others is one thing that is good in this world. What risk is it to wait for a short time to make this decision to leave? Give us more time to get to know you. Each post you make we learn a little more about you and we have more points to connect with you. It is a somewhat slow process. It won’t happen overnight but it with even a small effort and some time it can pay dividends.

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  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, VickySGV said:

In being Trans before we realized it, many of us did not develop skills at creating friendship.  Some are truly awkward as they get used to their True Selves, but it wears off. 

This was me.  No more!  

 

As Susan says there is no requirement to give of yourself @CBabe,  but as you become more comfortable here you may find out you want to reach out to others.  We all have something to give, whether we realize it or not.  

 

Please give this some time.

Jani

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MaryEllen

@CBabe     Rather than delete your account, I would suggest taking a hiatus for as long as you need. Should you decide to return, your account will be here for you. I must say though, if you leave, you'll be missing out on many potential friendships. 

 

MaryEllen

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5 hours ago, CBabe said:

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

Jackie is right. Since I have been here, I have been dumped on by two people who I thought were my friends. They even stopped for a quick visit when one was moving the other across country( We all know who that is.) One just thought of me and any of us who were her friends here. were just that, friends on here. Just a friend online. She says she has moved one with her life as a female. everyone in her new living area knows her as female and so on and so forth.

 

TG pulse is the most accepting place I have found anywhere.Period. end of story. For the longest time I posted on another board. then all of the sudden I couldn't get on. new password, nothing worked. even contacting the owner and moderators didn't do any good no response at all. I feel if I was band from the site they it would have proper to let someone know.

 

Now getting a little in depth on why you want to leave. What has no one contacted you about talking or anything? Have you contacted anyone just to ask how they are doing. When they voice a problem. I have. many times. It took a while for the others here to get to know me some. That is why I started the "Good Morning , Coffee is on" Thread just for us to post what is going on. How our day is going. or just to say HI. It is now 308 pages. 

 

Hey, sometimes you have to reach out to someone. Hell, message me and ask to just talk.

 

Hug,

 

Kymmie

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6 hours ago, CBabe said:

We transgender people treat one another like garbage. I've contributed quite a bit here already during my short time, with a total of 3 trans women interacting with me out of dozens. We don't support one another much, that's why we can't make friends.

 

I'll be deleting my account here as soon as I find out how. I don't need the same kind of attitude here that I get in real life.

Been spending far to long trying to write a response for this. I'm fairly socially awkward, and I find people in this world tend to treat eachother horribly regardless, trans or not. It's hard to lead by example when the only examples you've had to practice with were less than kindly experiences. This site has its limits, as do the people who brave their inner demons to post here. But despite all manner of garbage, we try to be as kind as we can be and give what time we can, whatever we can, even if it's not much. I'm sorry your experiences haven't met your needs. It's hard giving with no guarantee to get anything in return. It's like being asked to plant trees to give fruit to everybody. Spend most of my day planting seeds hoping the time and energy caring doesn't go to waste, but it's not just fruit for me. I might not even get any fruit with all my planting and care, but maybe my example and what I leave behind will be a foundation for others to benefit or minimum start, still have to give things time. People aren't perfect, but there is always room for improvement only if we try to communicate more and be a bit more patient with eachother. How I see it is if you don't start to clean up the garbage you see, how can you expect things to be cleaned to your satisfaction? The world won't right itself, but time is always a base requirement to try for any improvements or progress. 

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Chloé Rei

To tell you the truth. I have been treated better by Cis people once they understand who I am than I have my own Trans Sisters. I find that very sad. We are in this struggle together.

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Vanessa Michelle

I'm sad to see CBabe go, especially under such circumstances. I personally think we have a great group of people here and also we get out of it what we put into it. I know I sure have. I try to sow good and love into all who join and all I interact with on the forums and expect it to come back on me, and it does. I am grateful for each of you whether we have talked or not. I love reading about your lives and journeys, your joys and sorrows and lifting you up in prayer when I read that life isn't being to kind. I am newer to my identity than most here, but I am always here to pray for you and tell you someone cares for you and wants the best for you. Bless you all. You enrich my life every time I log on. ❤️

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