Why is it hard to find transgendered friends

[Heather Shay]

It is interesting. If you stop looking they will find you but you need to give them a chance to find you and TP and trans group meetings are the perfect way to start. And being here just let them know you true self and be totally honest and you will draw friends to you. 3 of my best friends found me here and they are the most fantastic people I know . it took me 68 years to find Transpulse and less then a month months to enjoy friendships like I have never known and treasure beyond words.

[SheenaT]

11 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

I understand what @Tasha Marie is saying. I want to find someone, but at my age (48) it is incredibly difficult to find someone who is understanding what trans is all about, and will love you for you. That type of support, understanding, and unconditional love is so rare that I don't think people are capable of it in this day and age. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like most people don't understand what it is to love someone anymore. They just find the next best person and move on no matter who they hurt in the process. 

Respectfully, 

Gina 

? I hear that!

[Bri2020]

I've wondered if I will have any in person trans friends at some point but honestly, I'm OK if I don't. To me, it's about having nurturing, loving and deep relationships. I've had very few of those because of the walls I erected living as a man.  

I have discovered that a lot of women that were in my extended circle have come out of the woodwork to become friends with me since I came out AND present FT as a woman.  I think the presenting FT has made it so much easier.  Good people that see me for who I am and all that I have to offer as a person want to know me better. A#%holes don't so they just stay away.  I've met a few transmen who have confided in me they were trans since I came out to. Once again, because I'm visible in the world.  Covid hasn't held me back as much as some because I am in my business everyday so customers, vendors and business associates all see me regularly.

I think the key to finding friendships is just putting yourself out there -as Jackie says- in places where you are comfortable and doing your thing.  Maybe someday a transwoman will walk into my life but until then, I just want to try and be the best person I can be and others will then want to be with me. 

Hugs

Bri

PS. I think there's possibly a psychology at play between transgendered people. So many of us are still being forced to examine who we are, and being presented with another person going through the same things, but possibly have completely different experience might make us question whether our assumptions/assertions about ourselves are valid/true. It possibly can create walls or defense mechanisms to come out. Also, I want to go through my daily life just being me, not a "trans person" or "woman" or man in transition or anything else. I just want to feel "normal" and not think about my "identity" regularly. If I'm around another trans-woman, maybe that becomes harder.  

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I've wondered if I will have any in person trans friends at some point but honestly, I'm OK if I don't. To me, it's about having nurturing, loving and deep relationships. I've had very few of those because of the walls I erected living as a man.  

I have discovered that a lot of women that were in my extended circle have come out of the woodwork to become friends with me since I came out AND present FT as a woman.  I think the presenting FT has made it so much easier.  Good people that see me for who I am and all that I have to offer as a person want to know me better. A#%holes don't so they just stay away.  I've met a few transmen who have confided in me they were trans since I came out to. Once again, because I'm visible in the world.  Covid hasn't held me back as much as some because I am in my business everyday so customers, vendors and business associates all see me regularly.

I think the key to finding friendships is just putting yourself out there -as Jackie says- in places where you are comfortable and doing your thing.  Maybe someday a transwoman will walk into my life but until then, I just want to try and be the best person I can be and others will then want to be with me. 

Hugs

Bri

PS. I think there's possibly a psychology at play between transgendered people. So many of us are still being forced to examine who we are, and being presented with another person going through the same things, but possibly have completely different experience might make us question whether our assumptions/assertions about ourselves are valid/true. It possibly can create walls or defense mechanisms to come out. Also, I want to go through my daily life just being me, not a "trans person" or "woman" or man in transition or anything else. I just want to feel "normal" and not think about my "identity" regularly. If I'm around another trans-woman, maybe that becomes harder.  

Great points. My only accepting cis girlfriend makes me feel more myself in some way. I just want to live and be accepted as a good person.

[Tasha Marie]

I just want to be me.

[HollyElizabeth]

So Saturday I applied to this local Transgender support group, not that you guys aren't enough. But I'm finding myself to be really lonely, yeah I have girlfriends that are all non trans, but I'm needing the support and personal friendship of others who are going through the same types of things that I am. It's horrible to have friends and still feel like I'm the only person in the world. The meetings are the last Thursday of the month via zoom. I know it's not in person but I have to get in somehow. lol

 

I'm waiting for the person who hosts the group to respond soon. I need in person friends, save a girls life and let her join into all the reindeer games.. lol

[rainflower]

I know what you mean Holly, I get lonely too. I've been relying on a variety of zoom groups, a couple of them are trans, I have nothing local tho.

[HollyElizabeth]

Clair, first, I love your name. So very classy. Mine, Holly, now that I think about it brings to mind a stripper.. lol

 

I looked at the flag under your name and thought the blue flag was California. It's North Dakota, I was about to say that there must be many local groups in California. Anyway, I'm so sorry there isn't any place where you are that you can meet up with other trans brothers or sisters. I'm glad you have this place where you can talk to others that are going through the things you are. And if you need, I will always be available to talk to. I want you to know you have friends here.

[rainflower]

Thanks Holly. Your name is pretty, I didn't think stripper when I saw it. 

[Tasha Marie]

I too am here to meet friends. I am lonely too. I have no trans friends at all.

It is so tough with no one to  really talk to. Yes I have fellow pilots, but can’t discuss anything really about me.

[rainflower]

Yeah the only trans people I know are online. I know one local person but she rarely responds. I've developed a pretty close friendship with a transwoman that is 1500 miles away in Canada. After COVID I plan on attending drag shows again and maybe I'll meet someone there. 

[HollyElizabeth]

Thank you Clair.. *hugs*. Ever since my mom said the Holly reminded her of that girl "Holly Madison"  Holly Madison on The Girls Next Door! on the E! network. It's all I think about now When I hear Holly.  lol. Damn it mom.. lol

 

@Tasha MarieYou have friends here hun. Don't ever think you don't. I see you are in Michigan, that's really close to me. I'm in central Illinois. I would love to be friends with you. I wonder if we do Zoom calls here. If not, then we should. The only thing I think I know that we do is voice.

 

@Jackie C. Do we have zoom meetings that we do? Now that I've mentioned it, if we don't then maybe we should. I think I'm tech savvy, but I'm finding out I'm not. The other day I did something on my computer and had to take it to the shop to undo what I did. The guy told me what I did and He lost me after he said oh you changed this setting. lol

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

@Jackie C. Do we have zoom meetings that we do? Now that I've mentioned it, if we don't then maybe we should. I think I'm tech savvy, but I'm finding out I'm not. The other day I did something on my computer and had to take it to the shop to undo what I did. The guy told me what I did and He lost me after he said oh you changed this setting. lol

 

Sorry no, we've got support meetings on Discord but that's it. Also, thanks for the tech support flashbacks. I once had the head of one of our departments install a Taiwanese porn dialer on his company laptop. Of course, "(he) didn't do anything." He got paid an order of magnitude more than I did. He probably still does.

 

I've considered opening up my personal Discord channel for chats (because it's free), but I can't say how many people it can support for video chat easily. It handles my six-players and me D&D game fine, but I can't say what the limitations of the system might be.

 

Hugs!

[HollyElizabeth]

Clair, years ago before I fully understood I was trans, several of my co-workers used to go to drag shows. They would always invite me, I would always turn them down. I was always afraid of how it would look, me attending a show like that. Now I'm dying to go and the closest ones are in St Lewis or Chicago and I don't have anyone to go with.  I don't want to go alone, it's not safe for us trans girl, especially in a big city. I just can't believe I wasted my chance to be who I was out of fear of what other people thought.

[Tasha Marie]

@HollyNoel Thank you. Would be great to talk. Yes I am about 5 miles from the Indiana line so just into Michigan.

 

 

 

[HollyElizabeth]

@Jackie C., OMG! speaking of bringing up memories. I used to play D&D what seems like a lifetime ago. I started playing early 80s. You know back when they claimed it was "devil" worship with all the demons and monsters. lol. Of course it all makes sense that I always wanted to play a Female Elf Ranger.. I guess it was a cry for help by my inner girl trying to get out back then. lol.

[HollyElizabeth]

1 hour ago, Tasha Marie said:

@HollyNoel Thank you. Would be great to talk. Yes I am about 5 miles from the Indiana line so just into Michigan.

 

 

 

I'm about 10 miles from Indiana near Decatur. lol.

 

So very close.. lol

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

Of course it all makes sense that I always wanted to play a Female Elf Ranger.. I guess it was a cry for help by my inner girl trying to get out back then. lol.

 

Ugh, Rangers were so hard to qualify for in 1st Edition. I was more into gnome illusionist/thief hybrids though. Honestly, when I get to play I still like gnomes. My inner girl is apparently short and sassy. Probably something to talk about in my next therapy session. ?

 

I totally remember the D&D satanic panic though. It was the topic of a lot of essays in high school English class.

 

While my egg (and the egg of a friend of mine) was cracking though, I did a lot of "crossdressing" through my characters in tabletop and computer RPGs. I was usually the DM though, so I made a LOT of female adversaries when I was younger.

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

I'm about 10 miles from Indiana near Decatur. lol.

 

So very close.. lol

 

I don't know, that's 6.5 to 7 hours for me. ?

 

Hugs!

[Tasha Marie]

Yes close. Well I must go for now hugs to everyone. Hope to talk soon. 

[HollyElizabeth]

 Jackie, Yes Rangers were, but my brother got Dragon magizine and when they did a thing on the ranger class, I was in love.

 

And yes, a lot of my allowed dressing up was during D&D. My brother never understood why I picked a female and I constantly got the "People will think you're gay if you play a girl!" talk, but it felt right and I didn't know why. Now I know, but back then, it was as close as I got to being who I was.. lol

 

Thinking about it now, I was in therapy before I was in therapy.. lol

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

And yes, a lot of my allowed dressing up was during D&D. My brother never understood why I picked a female and I constantly got the "People will think you're gay if you play a girl!" talk, but it felt right and I didn't know why. Now I know, but back then, it was as close as I got to being who I was.. lol

 

Oh that would have been awesome. My group never did costumes though except maybe Halloween. I feel like I missed out.

 

Hugs!

[HollyElizabeth]

Jackie, I'm sorry. We never dressed up in cloths, I meant in game. But you know that if I were allowed to, this queen would have been fabulous back then.. lol

 

I did my dressing at 3 am when no one was awake. I called myself Charlotte back then. I know, how did I go from Charlotte to Holly.. lol

 

But during D&D, I could be Charlotte the Elf Ranger.. lol.

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

Jackie, I'm sorry. We never dressed up in cloths, I meant in game. But you know that if I were allowed to, this queen would have been fabulous back then.. lol

 

I feel less left out then. That would have been awesome. I'd probably pick up some vital makeup skills I've been lacking too. That would have been FANTASTIC to do with Jen. Even though she didn't come out until her late 20s, I know she'd been dressing at home since she was small. Ah, opportunities lost. Makes more sense why we were best friends in junior high though.

 

Though I did have a 20-something player in my game last year come to the game in costume more than once.

 

Also I've been to cons so the idea of dressing up for the game isn't THAT weird. Heck, I wear my horns when I'm GMing in person. It helps establish dominance. ?

 

Hugs!

[HollyElizabeth]

Jackie, my dream is going to San Diego comic con as Xena. Though, I don't think I would have the legs or the guts to be Xena. I still want to go.. is that so wrong?  lol