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Why is it hard to find transgendered friends


Denisenj

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CD Rachel

 

The honest truth here is that we think that reading and posting comments here gives us insight into another person, but we really do not know the person only what they choose to reveal. I have seen comments from CBabe around the forums and she certainly seemed nice and personable. Last night like many others here I messaged CBabe. I offered to exchange contact information and said that we could discuss our interests and hobbies and maybe we could find things in common that could be the basis of a friendship. The response that I got was in my opinion was... well... just not nice.

 

 

..." I have nothing in common with a crossdresser. I'm 24/7 female."

 

 

A simple thanks but no thanks would have sufficed. I told my self to let it go but after going to bed my own inner demons of worthlessness, self doubt and inadequacy came charging into my head. I lay awake until sometime after 0330.

 

 

So now I will be wasting $120 per therapy session discussing my low self esteem and why I allowed the opinion of someone that i do not even know bother me so much.

 

 

I hope that CBabe was just having a bad day and did not mean to be insensitive. I hope she finds what she is searching for.

 

 

My apologies to Denisenj for side tracking on her post. Denisenj, I grew up in south New Jersey.  PM me if you would like to chat sometime.

 

 

Rachel

 

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1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

The honest truth here is that we think that reading and posting comments here gives us incite into  another person, but we really do not know the person only what they choose to reveal. I have seen comments from CBabe around the forums and she certainly seemed nice and personable. Last night like many others here I messaged CBabe. I offered to exchange contact information and said that we could discuss our interests and hobbies and maybe we could find things in common that could be the basis of a friendship. The response that I got was in my opinion was... well... just not nice.

 

 

..." I have nothing in common with a crossdresser. I'm 24/7 female."

 

 

A simple thanks but no thanks would have sufficed. I told my self to let it go but after going to bed my own inner demons of worthlessness, self doubt and inadequacy came charging into my head. I lay awake until sometime after 0330.

 

 

So now I will be wasting $120 per therapy session discussing my low self esteem and why I allowed the opinion of someone that i do not even know bother me so much.

 

 

I hope that CBabe was just having a bad day and did not mean to be insensitive. I hope she finds what she is searching for.

 

 

My apologies to Denisenj for side tracking on her post. Denisenj, I grew up in south New Jersey.  PM me if you would like to chat sometime.

 

 

Rachel

 

😔Guess some things can't and won't be helped, at least for now. Hope CBabe finds happiness and peace. But don't let them demons have their way, they prey on the negative so it continues the cycle feeding into their hunger for the negative. CBabe got tricked by hers and she just ended up doing what the demons wanted and spread the same negative that plagues her, then she isolated herself. Your $120 isn't a waste if it's helping you fight the demons back, and you are still fighting for yourself and what you seek to hold. You are good for trying and it's far better than letting the demons get their way trying to isolate you and others. The best way to fight any battle is with gathering of friends willing no matter where to at least give words of support to beat back the negative.

 

I'm in NYC and can be a talker, just a little headups. 😓 People just make me anxious naturally, but I'm use to fighting my nature daily. Without communication we truly become isolated and become easy prey for those inner demons. They might not seem like much at first but they grow fast and dangerous.

It's not easy fighting those demons alone but my PM is always open to anybody who wishes and needs to talk. 😓Though I admit I still got some noisy demons of my own plaguing me at times, but I'm stubborn and always try to be better than what rubbish they keep wanting. It's always better battling along with friends then alone.

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CD Rachel

@Mx.Drago Thanks for the encouragement. I do not hold anything against CBabe, as you say she fights her own demons. It is just funny how someone says they are looking for friendships but limits themselves with elitist behaviors. I mean how could a cross dresser possibly have anything in common with a trans woman. Oh I don't know maybe anything to do with electronics, music, clothes, scuba diving, astronomy, motorcycles, physics, hiking, canoeing, Broadway plays,  classic movies, musicals, or wine. Oh and women's shoes. I just have a thing about women's shoes. If I had the money I would fill a warehouse full of boots and shoes and just spend the rest of my life trying them all on and walking around in them..... Sorry, I got carried away there for a moment.

 

 

I just see this as a learning experience and it shows me that despite the progress that I have made on my own the past few months the fact that I still internalize and dwell on this shows me that I still have a long way to go. The therapy is actually money well spent as I continue my search for the blue bird of happiness.

 

Thank you again. Being able to share my burdens lighten the load.

 

 

Rachel

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Rachal, in the immortal words of Jar Jar Binks how woood. I do hope she is just having a bad day.

 

getting back to the original topic. I rarely see any other transwoman in my town. Yeah, there are a couple. My son knows of a couple people he knew from school. I tell him that they are the same person he knew, he says no. I think he just doesn't allow them to prove it before he passes judgement.

 

Yeah, trans people can be rude. last spring when I went to the Denver VA to see my Endo. While waiting, a transwoman sat down across from me. She refused to acknowledge me. I thought that I was the problem. but It quickly passed and let it flow right out the door.

 

Kymmie

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@CD Rachel Lol no worries, everybody got their thing and people can be all manners of unique in so many illogical ways. All comes down to communicating the various levels of unique and trying keeping it civil so we can all prosper in our unique ways. Now how to get the 'Shoes'(Kelly song) stuck in my head out...looks like I'll be needing more of my hurdy gurdy goodness.  

 

@KymmieL
Lady probably felt threatened by your presence and it's nothing to do with you personally, more her own demons making her act weird and cold. One half of her was probably not wanting to associate fearing outing herself and the other half was just plain old jealousy.

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3 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

Oh I don't know maybe anything to do with electronics, music, clothes, scuba diving, astronomy, motorcycles, physics, hiking, canoeing, Broadway plays,  classic movies, musicals, or wine. Oh and women's shoes.

This is excellent.  We should relate to each other as people first and foremost.  Everyone's lives are so rich, even those that don't think so.  We all can bring something to the party! 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I feel like I poked The hornet's nest I'm sorry.

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1 hour ago, Denisenj said:

I feel like I poked The hornet's nest I'm sorry.

 

Nothing for you to be sorry about at all.  Not even one tiny bit.  I live at the bottom of a hill, some people see themselves as being the great one at the top of the hill.  Even in the Trans Population of life.

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@DenisenjI just read through the thread and don't think you had much to do with the directions it took. I truly don't think I've run into a nicer group of people on any other social media platform, than I've met here on TransPulseForums. In my darkest hour a total stranger was able to relate to my situation and ease my sad heart. I read more than I respond, and feel the real care for one another here. Other than response @CD Rachelreceived everyone I've engaged with have been respectful and kind. There is an innate communication problem when people try to respond quickly to a subject and punctuation isn't applied in context. The typed words loose context and misunderstandings happen. I sometimes read, and then reread a post before I reply so I can figure out what was implied. Since we don't have a an edit tab here, it's really important to proofread your post before locking it in by hitting the submit button.

 

Hugs, 

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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Hello Denise,

I agree with you! It is very hard to make real friends, esp locally or in your area. I feel like I’m I’m the same boat as you. I am also too trusting and often wear my heart on my sleeve, but that is just me. I believe that a lot of people esp from our generation are just not informed or uncomfortable with someone like us. And yes at times it does get lonely....but I AM comfortable with myself! And you are right it’s not about sex but a trusting friendship and like minded acceptance. 
I have found a lot of people who are afraid or mis-represent them selves for what ever reason. It is hard to trust....many you encounter are only out for a sexual experience esp when online. It does make it hard that we can’t often come out 100% Life is hard but it is what we make it! My attitude is I would rather be by myself than in a bad relationship......and relationships should not be governed by whether it is good or bad but if it is healthy...just my opinion...surround yourself with people who help you be healthy!

Hope to get to know you girl, we are in the same boat!

Take care,

-Anna

 

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On 1/24/2021 at 4:11 AM, Denisenj said:

Maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I expect more transgendered women to be open and accepting. It appears many are afraid and do not trust other trans women.I'm a good person I have a beautiful soul I'm giving I'm tearing and I haven't found that special one friend that I can enjoy time with. Has nothing to do with sex it has to do with companionship and like-minded thoughts. I don't feel that I'm ugly individual that nobody wants but besides that I just want a friend that feels like I do. I've been a member of a local transdating site and it's just a waste of time. Now I know why trans women are so lonely because they're afraid to open up to others

I'm with you sis! I have 1 cis girlfriend who loves and accepts me but other t sisters is a longing. We know and understand the struggles. 

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Red_Lauren.

I have about 3 or 4 woman in my inner circle. They have become sisters I never had, or knew I needed. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have them in my life.

 

As for trans friendship. I've been burnt to many times by other trans woman. That I have zero interest in being friends with them. I'll talk to them, and be civil but we won't be friends, and that's ok. 

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1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

I have about 3 or 4 woman in my inner circle. They have become sisters I never had, or knew I needed. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have them in my life.

 

As for trans friendship. I've been burnt to many times by other trans woman. That I have zero interest in being friends with them. I'll talk to them, and be civil but we won't be friends, and that's ok. 

It's totally understandable. 

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1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

I have about 3 or 4 woman in my inner circle. They have become sisters I never had, or knew I needed. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have them in my life.

 

As for trans friendship. I've been burnt to many times by other trans woman. That I have zero interest in being friends with them. I'll talk to them, and be civil but we won't be friends, and that's ok. 

It means everything to me to have a loving understanding and accepting cis girlfriend. 

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Red_Lauren.
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

It means everything to me to have a loving understanding and accepting cis girlfriend. 

Especially when they all have teenage daughters currently, so I'm just another teenager to a degree. The only difference is I know what is going on to a extent. Like lately every thing has annoyed, and iterated me, and I couldn't figure out why

 That got me thinking, and I've been around enough teenage girls in my life that it clicked. My hormones have made my emotional state that of a teenage girl. I told one of my friends that, and she laughed and said that will go away one day.

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1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

Especially when they all have teenage daughters currently, so I'm just another teenager to a degree. The only difference is I know what is going on to a extent. Like lately every thing has annoyed, and iterated me, and I couldn't figure out why

 That got me thinking, and I've been around enough teenage girls in my life that it clicked. My hormones have made my emotional state that of a teenage girl. I told one of my friends that, and she laughed and said that will go away one day.

Kind of exciting don't you think? 

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Red_Lauren.
1 hour ago, SheenaT said:

Kind of exciting don't you think? 

The only thing exciteding is that its proof hormones are working. I also know this is just a phase. As my hormones levels level out. It probably will fade to a degree. 

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1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

The only thing exciteding is that its proof hormones are working. I also know this is just a phase. As my hormones levels level out. It probably will fade to a degree. 

Exciting though to have estrogen coursing through your veins.

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Tasha Marie

I have been to afraid to put myself out there to meet people. I have wanted to meet people like myself for to long. I came across a women on YouTube and she suggested that this was a safe place to bear all and share with others. Yes I am just starting transition but I have lived behind the mask and watched, listened, payed attention to others. It will be a hard journey but with friends maybe not so hard, so here I am. 

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AwesomeClaire

I created a trans support group on facebook a few weeks ago, that is meant for local trans people. No one has joined :(

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Red_Lauren.
3 hours ago, Tasha Marie said:

I have been to afraid to put myself out there to meet people. I have wanted to meet people like myself for to long. I came across a women on YouTube and she suggested that this was a safe place to bear all and share with others. Yes I am just starting transition but I have lived behind the mask and watched, listened, payed attention to others. It will be a hard journey but with friends maybe not so hard, so here I am. 

I was a recluse before, and now that I'm taking the needed steps. I haven't changed a whole lot. I perfer to be alone. Less drama, and less I have to appease others. 

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Tasha Marie

I do understand where you are coming from I have been betrayed before but lm willing to take another chance and put myself out there again. We have to give others a chance or we will never experience friendships. Yes some can be more trouble then there worth but this is life. If we don’t let anyone in life can really suck. I have romance I have a wife that I love she loves me too but she really hates this part of me, but she understands some but not enough I need people that totally understand what this life is like. 

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gina-nicole-t

I understand what @Tasha Marie is saying. I want to find someone, but at my age (48) it is incredibly difficult to find someone who is understanding what trans is all about, and will love you for you. That type of support, understanding, and unconditional love is so rare that I don't think people are capable of it in this day and age. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like most people don't understand what it is to love someone anymore. They just find the next best person and move on no matter who they hurt in the process. 

Respectfully, 

Gina 

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Tasha Marie

It is a hard time now for sure.Some things are better and some not so much. You used to be able to buy things that would last a very long time and in the past relationships lasted for a very long time but today everything is disposable nothing lasts nothing is built to last and some relationships are the same way there are so many people out there That would rather dispose of you and move onto the next thing. But we still have to try to look for the positive there are still some good people out there that still have values.

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