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I'm Less Terrified of Starting HRT Now!


Ellie Jean

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Ellie Jean

Something truly amazing happened last week. Long story short, I received a trippy sign from the Universe that I'm on the right track, and I'm now significantly less afraid of starting HRT, hopefully on the 28th, just a few days away. ...Now...here's the long story not-so-short lol:

It all started many months ago. I had made a friend on Fetlife who was also transgender, and we shared the same kink: We both enjoy regressing to the age of infancy, complete with binkies, bottles, baby shows and diapers lolAll my life I've question WHY I'm an "Adult Baby/Little" and had never really found any kind of answer until a couple of years ago when the dots finally started connecting in my head: Babies don't have any body or facial hair, babies don't appear to have gender, (without looking in the obvious place anyway lol), and babies appear to have an asexual stump/mound between their legs due to being diapered most of the time; the diaper which also makes babies bottoms look rounder. And suddenly it hit me: My sexist male toddler/little kid autism brain confused age with gender because I was taught by my narcissistic sociopath of a father that "girls are babyish." ...So all these years, I've felt the urge to regress back to the carefree time of babyhood because I wanted to be a girl

Now that THAT'S outta the way, lol, fast forward about a year to the middle of 2020, give or take a month or two. I meet Emily for the first time; a fellow transwoman, as well as a fellow adult baby. She was going through a pretty hard time, as she is deeply closeted with her family about the two biggest aspects of personality. Consequently, she struggles with severe anxiety and depression, so I felt she really needed a friend that understood. (I used to be deeply closeted, but I "came out of the nursery" to my parents as a teenager because I couldn't handle the stress that comes with a burdening secret. I also came out to my mom, aunt, uncle, and friends about being transgender towards the start of this year, sooo yeah, I have some experience with confronting fears that are far larger in the imagination than they are in reality lol.)

Emily and I continued chatting off and on and emotionally supporting one another for months; occasionally trying to set up a time to meet seeing as we live in the same town, but our schedules didn't really line up right until last week, when we FINALLY got around to meeting up for milkshakes at a little cafe. She's 6 months into transition, but is still presenting as a boy in public it would seem, (she has a bust, but covers it up with baggy clothes). We talked for about an hour before starting to walk back to my mom's place, because my mom is all we had for wheels to get back to Emily's place lol, (Mom gave us a ride from Emily's place to the cafe.)

While walking to my mom's place, Emily and I continued getting better acquainted with one another; we were both kinda tripping out over how much we had in common; both the same height, about the same weight, same pale skin, both with long hair, not even to mention the big similarities between our gender identities and ageplay kink lol. Later on in the walk, Emily was talking about her family and remarked that her mother's last name was Boothman and she grew up in Libby, Montana. "Omg!" I exclaimed conversationally, "My mother's last name used to be Boothman too when she lived in Libby," I continued, not thinking much of it, "she was married to Bob Boothman like 50 years ago lol." Emily also seemed amused by the coincidence...but in retrospect, I think she figured things out faster than I did and just didn't say anything until we got to my mom's house. Emily then had some questions for mom lol.

Apparently Bob had a lot of brothers and sisters; one of them named Rocky. Emily then asked tentatively, "...How tall was Rocky?"

And mom said, "Like SEVEN FEET tall!"

Emily kinda freaked out then; my brain's gears had also started churning and my jaw was about to finish dropping.

My MOM is the Great Aunt of EMILY'S mom; Pam, who my mom knew as a baby when she was called Pamela; a baby with cerebral palsy, and Emily's mother ALSO has cerbral palsy, and that's how all the dots got connected: Emily and I are cousins. Born THOUSANDS of miles apart from each other. (I was born and raised in Alaska; I've only lived in Montana a few years now.) We then both started freaking out; me in a GOOD way, Emily....not-so-much. ...I later learned by accident that she was hoping to get laid when we first met, BEFORE finding out we were literally FAMILY. But now she thinks it's SUPER cool that we're cousins, and the ASTRONOMICAL odds of it all...the mathematics are truly boggling my mind still...

ANYWAY...I took all that to be a sign from the Universe that I'm on the right path, there's nothing to fear, everything that has happened or that will happen was meant to happen. It's like, KISMET, or serendipity or fate or whatever lol.

Oh, and my therapist who has never met Emily just happened to direct me to the EXACT same HRT specialist that Emily is seeing, because none of the others in the Flathead Valley accept medicaid, (or they aren't as sensitive or understanding). Just another one of the MANY super astronomical coincidences that Emily and I have in common lol.

So yep...I gotta date with destiny in a few days, and after everything that's happened, I think a lot of my fear has kinda vanished. I'm still a little nervous of course, but there's no longer any doubt in my mind that I really am trans, this isn't a mistake, or just some kind of phase I'll grow out of; these feelings have been a part of me all my life and it's time to make things right. ...It's literally in my blood lol.

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1 hour ago, Ellie Jean said:

ANYWAY...I took all that to be a sign from the Universe that I'm on the right path, there's nothing to fear, everything that has happened or that will happen was meant to happen. It's like, KISMET, or serendipity or fate or whatever lol.

@Ellie Jean Wow, that is an incredible sign from somewhere! What an interesting story though. The odds of this type of event occurring twice is inconceivable. I agree...this was meant to happen and play out just as it did for you. Just one variable off and you might have missed the entire meeting or missed putting all the pieces together. It’s a crazy world!

 

1 hour ago, Ellie Jean said:

So yep...I gotta date with destiny in a few days, and after everything that's happened, I think a lot of my fear has kinda vanished. I'm still a little nervous of course, but there's no longer any doubt in my mind that I really am trans

I congratulate you in advance for your upcoming date with destiny! I had a few smaller coincidences and key events like this happen to me along my journey that helped me know I was on the right track too. I’m glad you have found your path and I wish you the very best. If you can, keep us posted as to your progress and changes. Becoming your true self is so freeing and many here will appreciate reading about your upcoming journey of transition.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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Ellie Jean

For sure! XD

And indeed; my mom and I and Emily and her mom are all super mind-boggled, and when the mind-boggle wears off a little, we remember the mathematics again and our minds get blown all over again lmao. 1/200,000 people happens to be an adult baby; that equates to roughly 35,000 people on the planet out of almost 8 billion people lol. And the number of those adult babies who are also trans? Even less lol. And the number of those trans adult babies who end up living in the same town and meeting each other? Almost none lol. And then the number of trans adult babies who happen to live in the same town and meet each other who ALSO end up accidentally discovering that they're cousins? ...Probably just TWO; me and Emily lmao. My mind is exploding all over yet again as I type this lol.

Definitely feels like the Universe is winking at us in a huge way. Small, crazy world indeed lol. XD 

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That's an AWESOME story @Ellie Jean!  Yep, the Universe is a strange place to us simple humans .. but its ALWAYS correct! 

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Ellie Jean

That's f'sure lol. XD

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Ellie Jean

I know right? My mind's still tripping out over it lol. Boggled my therapist's mind today as well. XD

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