Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello, an introduction


BillieB

Recommended Posts

Hello to all! This site was recommended to me from a YouTube I watched. I am 61 years old and been on a journey of discovery the past few years. A few years back I finally admitted to myself that I was bisexual, about two weeks ago I finally embraced my realization that I was no longer comfortable in my AMAB body. I have reached out to a therapist and am waiting to hear back. My wife point blank asked me what was going on, as I have been a bit agitated since my self-revelation. I told her dreading how she would react, she has been understanding and supportive. I currently use the label Non-binary because I am just starting my transitional journey and I am unsure how I can reasonably pass as I am 6’5” and stand out as a man, I get stared at all the time. I know there are tall women, but I have uncertainty how I can be received as a woman. Even with my doubt, this is a journey I MUST go on.

 

BillieB

Link to post

Welcome @BillieB, it's nice to meet you and I'm happy you've joined us here.  By any chance, was it Jackie Rabbit's channel that guided you here? I'd watched her videos but never made the connection until after I joined. It's wonderful that your wife has been supportive of you despite for fears about how she would respond. I relate to your anxieties about passing and being clocked, and the doubts you feel are perfectly natural. But the most important thing about the journey is that it's uniquely personal to you. You can take any of the steps you want to - social, medical, legal - whatever helps you be the person you know yourself to be. I look forward to seeing you around the forums and getting to know you better!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to post

Hey there and welcome!

You'll be fine as a tall lady, you might make women jealous mostly cuz your height makes you more visibly imposing. Women can be very competitive. At least your wife is in on the situation and can back you up if need be. Plus there be many here in the forum who be towers of glamour all their own. There's also quite a few topics about those with extra tall figures on this site for tips and other things. Be confident knowing you're not alone out their. Glad to have you join in on the journey.

Link to post

Good afternoon @BillieB

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums and as @Audreymentioned, you're welcome here, there are people of all walks of life and experience to share with you non judgmental advice, and support. Even tall people. 

 

Hugs, (masked of course)

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, BillieB said:

I currently use the label Non-binary because I am just starting my transitional journey and I am unsure how I can reasonably pass as I am 6’5” and stand out as a man, I get stared at all the time.

 

I have a friend who keeps telling me that tall women are dead sexy. Especially in a black dress and heels. I'm only 5'11", but the reality is that nobody gives a damn how tall I am except me.

 

Either way, welcome to Transpulse! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Link to post

Yes Audrey, it was Jackie Rabbit’s YouTube I found and subscribed to. Thank you to all for your warm welcome and encouraging words, I am excited for the journey ahead!

 

BillieB

Link to post
Sally Stone

Hi Billie.  Just like Jackie says, tall girls are sexy.  I'm 6 foot 2 inches tall before I step into heels and my go to heel height is 3 to 3 1/2 inches, so yeah, I'm extremely tall when I'm presenting as Sally.  I get lots of stares, but always considered them flattery for my hard work to look beautiful.  After all, they are intoxicated by my height, right?  That's my story, in any case.

 

Welcome to TransPulse. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Billie and welcome!  Don't worry about your height.  Tall people all over are envied.  We are no different.  Yes people will look but as @Sally Stone notes they're just intoxicated by us!!

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, BillieB said:

I have uncertainty how I can be received as a woman. Even with my doubt, this is a journey I MUST go on.

Hello @BillieB, It’s a pleasure to have you with us here. It sounds like you realize the importance of finding your truth...it is a MUST when you get to where you are. Your research has got you this far already.  Don’t worry too much about the small details especially in the beginning when the entire transition seems insurmountable when looking at the entire process all together. Step by step is the easiest way to tackle these types of journeys. Nearly every transgender individual who is thinking about taking their first steps into transition has “something” they are convinced is going to keep them from becoming who they are. As you know, it is not your looks that define your gender. You know (or perhaps will find out soon enough) exactly who you are with a little time an effort. Please don’t let one attribute define who you are for the rest of your life because you ‘think’ it will keep you from true happiness. Many people that start their transition and stick with it through the ups and downs find very soon afterwards that it is much more of a mental perspective than they originally thought. Every one of us would love to change one or two things about ourselves but just like cis women, we manage to work around these supposed shortcomings. As many have mentioned...tall women can be very attractive..it’s about so much more. Don’t hold yourself back as you will likely surprise yourself a year from now just how much closer you are to your dream.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

Link to post

Welcome!  I can't say anything that hasn't been said already. I worried about whether I would "pass" as a woman at first, but as I got further along I just don't care anymore.  I just want to be me. And yes, of course people stare at me.....I'm almost 6', and a red head, who wouldn't want a second look ;)

Welcome again, join in and ask away. 

Hugs

Bri

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Transgender Pulse, Billie.  I started my journey at the age of 55 and there are many of us here in that age group.  You are among friends who understand.  You're right that you may stand out from the crowd, but many women stand out in many different ways.  They're still women and deserve consideration and respect, and so will you.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to post
Vanessa Michelle

Hi @BillieB and welcome to the group!! Tall is just fine! I was always told growing up in the 80's that California girls were tall so hey! Thanks for sharing with us and I hope you feel the love here. I too am here thanks to Jackie Rabbit @jae bear She's awesome!! ❤️

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Timber Wolf

Hi BillieB,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Hey BillieB!

I am so glad that you found your way here! This is the right place to ask questions, these are the girls that I confide in, the ones that helped me, and I trust their advice will be good. So much of what has been said I simply agree with, I won’t bore you with recounting all of what’s been said already, but there are plenty of tall women in the world! The process of transition takes time, but it’s also not forever, so the end at some point, the goal line if you will, is out there somewhere, I have asked that question so many times and I finally realize all the answers the girls here gave me were correct, you just have to take it one day at a time.

Jackie 🐇 

 

Link to post

Thank you @jae bear I found your YouTube posts and subscribed and followed your recommendation to here and so glad I did, I have been reading through a lot of the threads and learning so much. I am just setting up my initial session with a therapist  and looking forward to the journey, with some fear, and a lot of excitement!

 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, jae bear said:

but there are plenty of tall women in the world! The process of transition takes time, but it’s also not forever, so the end at some point, the goal line if you will, is out there somewhere, I have asked that question so many times and I finally realize all the answers the girls here gave me were correct, you just have to take it one day at a time.

 

That brings up something that happened to me today that might give you a little sparkle of joy. I'm 5'11". I also suffer from alopecia universalis. If you're not aware of what that means, I have not a single active hair follicle anywhere on my head, body or anything else you care to imagine. I started transitioning with HRT in the summer of 2018 at 48 years old.

 

So today, I needed to get my wife's wedding ring back from the jeweler. It had been shedding stones again which as you know is something jewelry should never, ever do. It's been a few days and my spouse is missing it terribly. I get the call that it's finally ready while I'm finishing up my workout at the gym.

The weather is beastly this morning. I'm harried because I have roughly a billion things to do today and now I need to shovel the drive and walk as well. When I get to my car, I can't find the ticket.

I rush home and search the places I could have left it. Plus the places I'm pretty sure I left it. Then the spots where I couldn't have possibly left it but who knows? No ticket. Time to throw myself on the mercy of whoever is working the desk today.

So I'm at the jewelry store. I'm wearing a headscarf. It's lovely, but anyone with eyes can see that I'm bald. No makeup. I'm rubbish at it anyway. All I have going for me in the winter weather is my face and my voice (which is all vocal training). So what happens?

I'm accepted and treated as the woman I am, that's what. Correct pronouns. No funny looks and an offer of confidence from the woman behind the counter because she can see her sister is in a spot of distress.

 

That's the reality of my life now. It's lovely and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I did it. You can absolutely do it too.

 

Hugs!

Link to post

Thank you @Jackie C. that does bring a spark of joy, and a lot of positive hope for the future.

 I am in the middle of setting up my first therapist session and things are looking brighter!

 

Link to post
On 1/25/2021 at 11:55 AM, BillieB said:

I currently use the label Non-binary because I am just starting my transitional journey…

Welcome Billie.   I started like this, but it didn't last long.

Link to post
CD Rachel

 

Hi Billie, and welcome.

 

I am also just starting out and have started seeing a therapist. I am 6' 4" and it has been an overwhelming concern for me. But reading through the replies to your introduction has helped me a lot. These forums are a great way to learn and grow, even the questions that I have been afraid to ask or did not consider are answers here with love and patience.

 

Rachel

Link to post

An update. I have been flying high since creating this account, I have learned so much from so many of you, had wonderful conversations with a few of you. I had a beautiful first session with my Therapist. Today I have come crashing down, I had to turn back on my dominant boy mode to run off some potential thieves from my property and in a funk because of it. I am mad at myself for dropping back into Macho Mode as a crutch. 👿

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, BillieB said:

I am mad at myself for dropping back into Macho Mode as a crutch.

 

Don't be. Early in, I dropped into Angry Man mode to deal with my least favorite neighbor. We go to solutions that we've honed and practiced over time. You can't expect to completely abandon your defense mechanisms overnight. They got you through a lot.

 

OK, you did something you're not proud of. All you can do now (unless you have time-travel abilities of which I'm unaware) is take note and try to do better in the future. There's no shame in that. This is a journey after all, you're bound to trip now and again.

 

Hugs!

Link to post

Thank you @Jackie C. I now know I need to learn how to respond to negative not just positive situations properly. I suppose I should take this as a lesson to learn!

 

Hug you back!

Link to post
2 hours ago, BillieB said:

Thank you @Jackie C. I now know I need to learn how to respond to negative not just positive situations properly. I suppose I should take this as a lesson to learn!

 

Hug you back!

I get it. Everytime I have to raise my voice to my dog it goes really deep and I hate it.  I've tried to use my feminine voice with the dog but she doesn't listen then.  It puts mu in the dumps for an hour or so.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 62 Guests (See full list)

    • Aurora
    • ElizabethStar
    • Mmindy
    • Jackie C.
    • Willow Farmer
    • Shawnster
    • Jamie68
    • AgnesBardsie
    • Bri2020
    • Red_Lauren.
    • Myles97
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,365
    • Total Posts
      675,606
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,165
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Flowers
    Newest Member
    Flowers
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Raw foods cause weight gain? Who knew, okay I could see that with sweet fruits such as pineapples🍍and peaches🍑. Raw vegetables are always touted as great for you.    We we all get discouraged when we hit a weight loss plateau, and seem to hover at the same weight even though we're eating and exercising. Warmer weather is on the way and opportunities to get out and walk will be easier.    Hugs, best wishes and stay positive,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Willow Farmer
      Never seen that before.   So good, thank you Jandi
    • Jackie C.
      I got, "You're just confused," "It's the medication we gave you when you were little," and "You probably just have low T, it's hormonal."   I'd say that the trick is to have data from a professional to back you up, but I got, "They're a member of a predatory trans-business pipeline out to take your money." Paraphrased. I don't speak crazy as fluently as I'd like.   Before you find that discouraging, that was only half my parental units. Dad said, "I didn't realize you were so unhappy. I'm sorry and I want you to know that I'll still love you the same no matter what." Dad is getting cookies for his birthday. I don't talk to my mother anymore.   Hugs!
    • Bri2020
      Very cute! I'm with Jackie, more lavender needed in my collection as well  
    • Myles97
      Thank you @Jackie C. And @KathyLaurenfor sharing your timeline and experiences. I totally agree that is cis-dominated spaces us trans folks do feel the need to make ourselves seem confident and certain. I am worried myself that any lack of confidence may translate to my parents that I am “just going through a phase” or whatever they try to say when I come out. I have never had much confidence in general, but I am trying to not scare myself out of following what I know will make me happy. Thank y’all again for normalizing self doubt.
    • Willow Farmer
      Enigma went away after that cup of tea.   I switched to something a little something old and a bit more up beat.  I like finding odd old songs I have pushed back and forgotten until my female brain has gone digging.   What are good 60's  70's songs that are somewhat lost and hardly ever played?    
    • Jayna
      I checked in to my room and wasting time before my last laser treatment, hope to see someone tonight hanging out at the clubs.   
    • KathyLauren
      Self-doubt is very common.  My impression from seeing lots of introductory posts over the years is that doubting yourself is more common than being 100% sure from the beginning.  Like you say, though, it is okay.  It doesn't mean that you are not trans.  It just means you need to think about it some more.  Nothing wrong with that.   My self-doubt was sufficient to keep me from even thinking about being trans for 60 years.  Any time the thought came up, I'd smack it down right quick.  And yet here I am today.  The fact that the thought kept coming up anyway was what got me through the doubt.  Something I realized eventually was that, if I keep asking myself the same question over and over again ("Am I trans?"), it probably means that I keep coming up with the wrong answer.  Once I switched my answer from "Hell, no!" to "Yes", I stopped asking the question.   I don't recommend leaving the question hanging as long as I did.  If resolution of the doubt is not coming, it would make sense to talk to a therapist about it.
    • Jackie C.
      This is a very valid point. I mean if you're in the public eye, you want to appear as confident as you can be. Detractors will tear you to pieces over the smallest signs of weakness. I think self-doubt is more common than that though. Maybe not in people who were confident enough to post their stories on YouTube, but for the rest of us?   Take me for example. There were signs. So many signs. There wasn't any education though so I just assumed that everybody felt like I did. A totally unscientific timeline might look like: 3 yrs. - Started turning underwear around to look like a girl from the front. (Spontaneous invention of tucking?) 4 yrs. - Playing in mother and grandmother's closet and trying things on. Quickly reprimanded and beaten. 5 yrs. - Preferred playing "house" with the girls to anything the boys were doing. Building toys were an acceptable substitute, coloring was good. Cars were right out. Teased by the boys. 8 yrs. - Realizing it was possible to hide dressing in mother's clothes considering she never accessed one of her dressers. The one conveniently kept in my bedroom. Score! 12 yrs. - "Oh no. My D&D character has inadvertently put on the belt of gender bending (a real item in 1st edition). Whatever will I do?" Wow. How do I keep finding those? What a crazy, random circumstance. 13 yrs. - Back to mom's clothes, but it's more for bra stuffing as puberty has started to kick in and I like wearing the stuffed bra when my parents aren't home. They aren't home a lot. No idea that trans is even a THING past the occasional "joke" in the men's magazines one of the neighborhood boys keeps bringing around. 15 yrs. - REALLY into girls. "Wouldn't it be amazing to be a girl?" Every boy must feel like that right? I mean girls are so amazing. Why would anybody want to be a boy? Have to keep it quiet though. You wouldn't want anybody to think you were gay. (Hey, it was 1985 in the Midwest.) 16 yrs. - Well of COURSE I play female characters in the arcade. They have smaller hit boxes. 19 yrs. - Well of COURSE I play female characters on the computer. Who WOULDN'T want to watch a girl butt for 100 hours? Paired with, "Of COURSE I play female characters in RPGs. Why wouldn't I make the girl of my dreams?" 25ish to 48 yrs. - Become a miserable bastard. Continue game behavior, but don't think anything of it. Everybody feels like this all the time, right? 30 yrs. - Discover your best friend since Junior High is bigender. 48 yrs. - Goes full femme while wife is out of town. Gender euphoria is like mainlining pure love. Egg cracks. Well damn. I'm transgender. I mean seriously, there's a ton of self-doubt in there (self-loathing too). I think a lot of it is rooted in lack of education. I mean I didn't know trans was even a thing until I was out of high school and it was always represented as some kind of terrible perversion. Lots of internalized transphobia from the society at the time (and one of my parents). It's basically why I talk to my therapist once a week instead of seeing my parents.   Hugs!
    • HollyNoel
      Thank you. 🥰
    • HollyNoel
      Already practicing. Lol
    • Shay
      @miz miranda I forgot to comment on the doors and Simon and garfunkel combination how about Hendrix opening for the Monkees? I saw Brownsville Station open for John Sebastian.
    • Jackie C.
      I already did. The only problematic language was the title. I took care of it in the original edit. 🦊   I saw that! Congratulations again! It's a big step, but well worth it. Deep breaths and practice your new signature!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Congratulations!   This is a big step! Now you get to practice signing your new name!   Hugs!
    • Myles97
      Hey folks! I am still early on in my transitioning journey, but one thing I have already noticed is the lack of discussion (not here per se) on self doubt! I have quite a few friends who are also trans men, and follow several trans folks on all social media’s. One common thing I notice is that they all say they have always been 100% sure of their gender identity. While this is great and exciting, I think it can be harmful to other trans folks who struggle with self doubt. I personally have been struggling, thinking “well if I am having any self doubt at all I must not be trans because so-and-so said they knew 100% since they were 4.” Or whatever. Yes those people exist, and their journeys are entirely valid! But there are also folks who struggle with self doubt. And who question. And I am slowly learning (thanks to many of you) THAT IS OKAY!!! It is likely that your brain was developed in a cis-het society/family that has consistently pushed forward those ideas and beliefs. Of course when you finally start to realize that you may be trans, it’s going to feel foreign! It’s going to feel unacceptable or impossible. That is natural. And even after you accept it for yourself, you will likely still have doubts!! A life time of being told one thing and then experiencing another will do that to you. You are still valid. You are still whatever gender identity makes you happy. You are not any less because of self doubt. I do not think that self doubt is always indicative of a “mistake” or a sign that you should not transition. It’s okay to be nervous and to have questions about making such a huge change. It’s normal. It’s also okay to explore your gender and decide that you are cis, or that you are a different identity than what you initially thought. It’s okay to have self doubt and still identify as trans! Self doubt does not mean you aren’t who you thought you were, it just means you are still adjusting. Do not draw boxes so tight around yourself that you cannot breathe. I would greatly appreciate any folks who could comment on here and talk about self-doubt you have experienced and how you have navigated it. I hope this post helps other people, but I think I needed to write it just as much for myself as for others. Thanks for always being my space to exist. - Myles. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...