Is being Tg make you gay?

[Lexi C]

I am M2F

 I assume that being with men was part of being a woman. 

However, I find myself more and more attracted to women then I ever have. I  am unable to get  erection anymore thanks to not having any more testosterone and being on finasteride., cuz I'm bald.  I haven't watch porn since I start HRT 3 yrs ago. Yet, I can't stop feeling that if I am going to be a woman I should on be attracted to men. 

A lot of you know my past. I escort ( CD and finally as TG) only so I could save to start my HRT and put some away for surgeries  just in case Medical didn't come through. So I had my share of male encounters, but I was never attracted to them the way I am to women.

I know some of you are married, were married, are in a committing relationship. 

I guess want I am  trying to say is: We finally achieve our true self only to be confused or abandon do to our sexuality .

I finally become a woman( and that's hard in it self) just to be mentally confused. And I am not even mention the fact that dating has being a Zero. Unless i go back escort WHICH I AM NOT.

I don't know...sorry for the rant, not doing well mentally and this is add to my dysphoria .

Ty Lexi

 

 

[tracy_j]

I must admit that I have been pretty much wide open to any direction all my life (maybe pansexual?) although I do have a longtime female partner. The main confusional situation I get at the moment is with friends (not sexual). I have far more female friends now but it is always a worry as I wonder if their husbands will be upset. In a similar way there become issues with male friends as their female partners would object? The sexual side of relationships does not half confuse things! Luckily, over time, my female partner has got used to me mentioning women, especially when I arrange to meet them, but I still have to be careful with what I say and open about things. I think that if we were younger it would be a big problem.

 

Tracy

[Chloe Cozee]

I am married to a woman. When I think about relationships, I am not sure that I could give my heart away to a man. Even though I am feminine, I crave a deep connection to another feminine person. It's just me, how I feel. And it has little to do with body parts. Those don't matter as much as what's in their heart. I rarely find men physically attractive. And if they are the shallow masculine caveman type, totally forget it. Total turn off, I don't even want to talk to them. 

 

From what I have read, some people's relationship preference changes after accepting their true self, others don't. I think it depends on the person. 

[Jackie C.]

Part of my transition has been realizing that I'm a little more bi than I thought, but I'm still primarily attracted to women and identify as a lesbian. Just like when I was in high school really, so no major changes on that front. I can appreciate a good looking man, but in general they don't do anything for me. I wouldn't mind a back massage from somebody more muscly, but that might just be the muscle soreness in my upper back talking right now.

I read a statistic the other day that said only about 25% of us are straight. I'm not sure how accurate that is because there was no source cited, but it sounded about right based on what I've observed in the wild. Most of us seem to be bi or gay. I know one lady who's ace. All of it is great! Just be you.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

4 hours ago, Lexi C said:

I can't stop feeling that if I am going to be a woman I should on be attracted to men. 

Hi Lexi, this thought is very relatable.

I have a female partner and have always been attracted to women, but I'm also MTF.

The binary, heteronormative ways that society defines relationships could make it seem that any deviation from that is somehow wrong, even though it's not. We're attracted to who we're attracted to. Faking attraction will be obvious to both a prospective partner as well as to ourselves. My own struggle with this stems from the time I discovered the damaging theory from Blanchard: that a MTF transgender person who is attracted to women was actually just a paraphilia, and that to be "legit" one had to be attracted to men instead. I'd internalized that as transphobia and homophobia, and convinced myself my feelings were a perversion and hid them instead of exploring them. Took me years to understand differently. I made peace with this seeming contradiction by recognizing that my gender identity and expression are independent from my sexual orientation. If that makes me a lesbian, then that's okay with me. I hope it will also be okay with my partner in the long run too.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Lexi,

I'm M2F, never married, and I'm attracted to women. Gender and sexuality are not connected.  There is nothing wrong no matter which preference you have.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

1 hour ago, Timber Wolf said:

Gender and sexuality are not connected. 

Yes this is true.  If you are attracted to the other sex it may be that you always had that but repressed it.  

[Mx.Drago]

There are three terms on attraction I can think of.

 

Sapphic, is also known as Woman Loving Woman (WLW), LBPQ (Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Queer), and Difemina, a woman/woman-aligned gender person who's attracted to women/woman-aligned (exclusively or not) 

 

https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Sapphic

 

 

Achillan, also known as men loving men (MLM), apollian, chaeronean, and chaeronic, is a Man/man-aligned gender person who's attracted to men/man-aligned (exclusively or not)

 

https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Achillean

 

 

Diamoric - also known as adonian, adonic and cypric, is a Non-Binary person who's attracted to any person.

 

https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Diamoric 

 

? Probably missing a few other terms, plus who knows maybe more terms are being conjured as we speak.

 

[Charlize]

My preferences have not changed.  i like men and am flattered when they are attracted to me but i have never been attracted to them.  There is no reason to change that once one transitions.   I did have trouble with that concept years ago before i knew that the way i felt wasn't really weird or that i was some repressing my self as a gay man.  If anything i am a lesbian and have expressed that reality to several men when pressed.  

Relax and be yourself!  Sexuality does not, as mentioned above, rule who we are any more than it does the cis gender community.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Lexi C]

Thank so much ladies. I really appreciatedicated the insight. I think you right. I have to learn to be me..But it's so F hard..Thank you again for everything. 

Much lv Lexi

[KayC]

On 1/26/2021 at 2:41 PM, Lexi C said:

I guess want I am  trying to say is: We finally achieve our true self only to be confused or abandon do to our sexuality .

Hi Lexi - this is a great topic for all of us and I can say that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to sexuality.  If it feels right, then that is your/our own unique sexual identity.
I am not on HRT yet, but I can say that self-acceptance as Transfeminine has allowed me to at least open the boundaries of what I would have previously considered verboten. (note: I am in a committed relationship/marriage, so most of this is for fantasy purposes only at this point)

I think I am pretty much a in the middle of @Chloe Cozee and @Jackie C..  My predominant physical and emotional attraction is still to female/feminine, and that obviously could be trans too.  But the idea of a physical encounter with a man also intrigues me, but would have to be somebody that meets a special criteria of gentleness and not crude or neanderthal .. ?

I think we can all have our own space and desires on this subject.

[Maddee]

Hi Lexi.

 

I feel same in that I assume mtf for me is probably about being with guys.

 

But I have feelings for women too.  Maybe nostalgic familiarity.   Time past loneliness is remembering the good and filtering the bad

 

Sexuality is somewhere locked in me.

 

A long time ago I lived with escorts and wished I was one of them.  But I was afraid and confused to what I was.  should've pursued it more.  I'm still in good shape but too old I think.  It'd get me experienced with men I'm sure.

[JamieGee]

This is a very interesting topic for me.  I have struggled for nearly 35 years trying to differentiate between my desire to be a woman, my gender dysphoria, and my sexual orientation.  To add to this confusion, I have had a therapist tell me that my transgender feelings are not genuine and they are just a way to mask my "internal homosexuality".  But, that is a conversation for a different time.

 

With all that said, like many here, I am married to a woman.  I am also admittedly very attracted to men and had a couple of very minor relationships with them over the years.  Interestingly though, I'm not attracted to men who act like me for some reason.  When I have been in relationships with men, I have always been the "female" if that makes any sense and I am attracted to the more masculine types.    

 

Anyway, I'm sure that none of this helps other than to let you know that there are many of us that continue to have the same day to day struggles.  Hang in there, all we can be is just who we are.  

[Ivy]

I have never been attracted to men and enjoyed being married to a woman for years.  I am currently single and I doubt that will change anytime soon - if at all.  I still find women attractive, but between my age and HRT I could never perform as a guy.   I suspect that my attraction to women is mostly identifying with them now.

I do miss having a romantic relationship, but it seems to be out of reach for me…  sigh.

While I don't feel an attraction to men, I think if a guy was actually interested in me as a person, I would be onboard.  In any fantasies I have these days, I am a woman, so there's this…

When I was young, I did have an experience where a guy I was running with at the time woke up and did something which I didn't resist.  I did kinda get off on it in retrospect.  I think I would consider myself pansexual if I were pressed on the subject.

 

[KathyLauren]

There is no "should" in attraction.  You either are attracted to someone or you aren't.

 

I have never liked men, which is one reason I was so unhappy when I thought I was one.  I knew when I started my transition that I would only be attracted to women.  I was married, and intended to remain so, so that worked out just fine for me: my wife stayed, and we are still married.  I still have no interest in men.  If something were to happen in the future to put me back into the dating pool, I would only be interested in dating women. 

 

So, I guess, in that respect, transitioning did make me gay.  I went from being apparently a straight male to being a lesbian.

[Vanessa Michelle]

@Lexi C I totally understand and wondered when I was beginning to accept myself as M2F, what's the point if I am attracted to women and and already married to one, then why do any of this? In my case however, through my process I accepted that I have always been attracted to men as well, though growing up so conservative I never had a relationship with them. I now can confidently id as a pansexual, and a trans woman, as @tracy_j  mentioned. Like many pan folx though, I have more of a leaning toward one that another, and I lean toward female attraction, but I am attracted in general to all gender expressions and could ultimately see myself in a relationship with any. ❤️

[Kiera]

19 hours ago, KayC said:

I think I am pretty much a in the middle of . . My predominant physical and emotional attraction is still to female/feminine, and that obviously could be trans too.  But the idea of a physical encounter with a man also intrigues me,

        Well duh if never been with a man then why EXCLUDE them? I submit gender ID and "orientation"  is connected and that's why Blanchard's at least one distinction is quite spot on. It's the same as saying there's no difference between a lesbian woman and one that is hetrosexual? Having probably slept with more men than women the basis of "attraction" is simply different - between being "wrapped in the whole idea of femininity" and actually finding that sense of "feminine desirability" through men?

 

To characterize it generally I'd have to say a hetrosexual woman's attraction is NOT "emotional" but, rather, more purely "physical" instead? lol Julia Robert's mother and I had this discussion a while back -> " . . but why Lyle Lovett"? 

[Maddee]

Why not Lovett?

[Kiera]

3 hours ago, Maddee said:

Why not Lovett?

 

Precisely my point! "Physical" but not necessarily in a "looks" sort of way. A Fairy tale Beauty and the Beast? And while everyone made jokes 'bout his hair he still called Betty Motes his "mom".

 

Quote

 One possible steadying influence: her mother, Betty Motes, whom she sees frequently. And two years after their March 1995 separation, her friendship with Lyle Lovett is closer than ever.

 

Why is this text editor so literal ANNOYING?

 

[Lexi C]

Hey Everyone

Thank you everyone for your responds. You all make great points and gave  me amazing experiences to learn from. I am truly honor.

Thank you again

Lexi

P.S  Madde

Being an Escort was horrible. I  never had a pimp( thank god) but most CD@ TG that had one where always hook on something. I usually went through date site.

I had agency( those are great) but i age out. But every encounter I had I fear for my safe and few times end up ECare and sometimes I never got paid even with paypal and Venmo. 

em if you need to talk. 

 

[Betty K]

Hi Lexi, this is an important topic for me too and I'm glad you brought it up, but I am coming at it from the opposite direction: after having been a basically hetero cis male (admittedly with a few kinks) for my entire life, suddenly at age 47 I find myself both yearning to transition and having sex with men. It is SO WEIRD. And it makes me think that really anything can happen; our preferences can change literally in the course of a few months. I mean, I won't say I never fantasised about men; I did, a little bit, but honestly not very much. I mostly fantasised about gorgeous women, but what I realise now is I partly fantasised about becoming them. Now, I am so turned on by men it is frankly astonishing. It's not that I like or even care how they look -- it's not like how I was attracted to women at all. A big part of it is I just love how they treat me. I love flirting with them. And I have to say that, physically, I love the sex. I am totally open to the idea that I suppressed this desire all my life. Since I was bullied for being "gay" and girl-like as a child that makes sense. But I genuinely loved sex with women too, and I presume I could love it in the future too. But right now, I am way more into men, maybe because it's all so new to me.

 

Anyway I know this probably doesn't help given your specific situation, but I wanted to say if you have been an escort then maybe you need time to recover from that. I have known women in the sex industry and I don't think many of them came away from it with a healthy appetite for sex. I would imagine you have seen a lot of the worst type of sex with men, the impersonal type, cold and rushed. And I'd also say that, for me, I had no idea how much I'd love sex with a man until I met a nice man in the right situation. Right up until the last moment I thought "Maybe this is just a fantasy, maybe I'll back out at the last minute." But in the heat of the moment it felt right.

 

But having said all that, I agree with everyone here: your sexuality is whatever it is; there is no right or wrong. In a way, I actually wonder if I'm the one who isn't a "real" transgender woman (as I said in my intro thread), because maybe for me it is actually mostly about the sex. I mean, I'm so confused I have no idea tbh. But I am learning to just go with it.

 

Good luck! x Betty

[Ivy]

11 hours ago, Betty K said:

I mostly fantasised about gorgeous women, but what I realise now is I partly fantasised about becoming them

Yeah, this.      It seems to be pretty common.  

[Betty K]

5 hours ago, Jandi said:

Yeah, this.      It seems to be pretty common.  

 

It’s such a relief to be among people for whom this is common! It seems so natural to me. Women are glorious! 

[Jackie C.]

It was kind of funny. I saw a model in an add yesterday and said, "I wish I looked like her."

 

Then I realized I DO look like her (at least a little). Then my brain made happy chemicals.

 

It's very much something I say when I'm watching TV or something with my wife. I'll see a woman and say, "Damn, I wish I had her X." Pretty natural reaction for women honestly. Cis-women do it too.

 

Hugs!

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

 

It’s such a relief to be among people for whom this is common! It seems so natural to me. Women are glorious! 

Yes they are!!