Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Not sure how I fit in, but I'm writing my story.


Davie

Recommended Posts

Not sure how I fit in, but I'm writing my story, a Transgender Biography, of sorts.

Old events and feelings come clearer as I write. I'm 72 so the events are cloudy.

I'll post it when I have a clearer picture. Reading other's stories here is very helpful.

Thanks,

David

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, David K. said:

Not sure how I fit in, but I'm writing my story, a Transgender Biography, of sorts. Old events and feelings come clearer as I write. I'm 72 so the events are cloudy.

 

I'll post it when I have a clearer picture.

@David K. I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine. Even if you eventually determine you aren’t transgender, you can join us here as a non-judging supportive ally and friend to our community. We have some wonderful individuals here who are top notch.

There is never any pressure to share your story but I think you’ll find it a positive release for stress. For me, it’s just a great feeling to be among people who are there for you in the best and worst of times. You may also find that it helps others in their struggles and is very healing and therapeutic. It’s becomes an easy thing to do while trying to rediscover one’s self. So whenever your ready, feel free to post to your heart’s delight.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Susan R said:

@David K. I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine. Even if you eventually determine you aren’t transgender, you can join us here as a non-judging supportive ally and friend to our community. We have some wonderful individuals here who are top notch.

There is never any pressure to share your story but I think you’ll find it a positive release for stress. For me, it’s just a great feeling to be among people who are there for you in the best and worst of times. You may also find that it helps others in their struggles and is very healing and therapeutic. It’s becomes an easy thing to do while trying to rediscover one’s self. So whenever your ready, feel free to post to your heart’s delight.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

 

Link to comment

Thanks so much, Susan from Snohomish County--

That means a lot. I've been to a trans Zoom meeting with Noah and the folks at Fenway Health here in Boston. And liked it a lot. I do feel a bit overwhelmed by things right now, being new, and that makes it difficult to articulate. Some other things in my early history are becoming clearer to me but I need to integrate them into my personal story before I tell it. Wish I could be more specific now, but I will later. Thanks again.

 

--David

 

PS: I once lived in Skagit County.

 

 

Link to comment

Nice to meet you @David K. and Welcome!

You've found a great place to help in your self-discovery, as I did almost a year ago now. 

There a many here to pass along their experience and  am sure you will find your way❣️

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment
11 hours ago, David K. said:

Some other things in my early history are becoming clearer to me but I need to integrate them into my personal story before I tell it. Wish I could be more specific now, but I will later

And sometimes those details of one's personal story can be hard to face. When you're ready to share then share. Take the all time you need. Also, welcome. ❤️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome David.  When i came here folks suggested that i see a gender therapist.  As i worked with her i essentially went over my past.  Looking at my past helped me accept myself.  Enjoy the process and share as you wish.  We can sometimes help others as we share.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi David

I have weekly sessions with a GT [gender therapist], thanks to VA [Veteran's Admn]. (The lingo is confusing, but there's an explanation on this Forum.) Each week, she gives me a suggested "assignment," to consider this or that aspect of my effort to journey toward self-discovery and self-acceptance. I've found that writing posts here helps me think things through. The potential post is there, in front of me, waiting to fly off into our group. Before I press "send," I read it for truth v. BS. Am I being honest, or is this a mask? Do I know what I'm saying, or am I just typing words? And so on. Then I copy posts I'm actually sending into "My Transition Journal," so I can think about bringing them up in my next session.

 

Sounds schizo, I know, but hey -- if it helps, it works.

 

~~A big welcome hug, from Lee~~

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Lee H said:

Hi David

I have weekly sessions with a GT [gender therapist], thanks to VA [Veteran's Admn]. (The lingo is confusing, but there's an explanation on this Forum.) Each week, she gives me a suggested "assignment," to consider this or that aspect of my effort to journey toward self-discovery and self-acceptance. I've found that writing posts here helps me think things through. The potential post is there, in front of me, waiting to fly off into our group. Before I press "send," I read it for truth v. BS. Am I being honest, or is this a mask? Do I know what I'm saying, or am I just typing words? And so on. Then I copy posts I'm actually sending into "My Transition Journal," so I can think about bringing them up in my next session.

 

Sounds schizo, I know, but hey -- if it helps, it works.

 

~~A big welcome hug, from Lee~~

 

Hi Lee H,

 

Thanks  Hugs back. It does not sound schizo. This is a special place for truth--I know that. I've got a lot to learn—I know that too. I've got 70 years of life to wade through, so I have to be patient. I'm not well today--suffering from covid vaccine hangover, but that's OK for the long run.

Best,

David

 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Lee H said:

Before I press "send," I read it for truth v. BS. Am I being honest, or is this a mask? Do I know what I'm saying, or am I just typing words? And so on.

This is the hallmark of authenticity! When I was interviewing my therapist I said one of the things I wanted was someone who would call me on my BS. Honest feedback. Every time a doubt creeps into my mind especially when I read or listen to political or religious opinion on the subject I remember the number of times I wished for the freedom I am now enjoying. I now feel empowered to say and do what’s on my mind without having to filter it through what someone might think about what I was saying. In other words my metric is simply “am I being myself?” If the answer is yes, I relax! 

Link to comment
On 2/13/2021 at 3:56 PM, David K. said:

Old events and feelings come clearer as I write.

Welcome David,  I'm a bit younger than you.  Even so, I have some problems putting together my whole story due to simply not remembering my younger self.  Either making sense of it or even remembering the things that happened long ago.  You're not alone in that.

 

I wouldn't worry so much about making a coherent story, if that's what's holding you back.  Write something down.

 

It sure is confusing at first.  The first three months I was here, it felt like my mind, my self, was changing like a rushing river.  Even a year later, the change is more glacial, but if I look back a month ... Yup, I changed quite a bit.  The point is, figuring out your identity is a long process.

 

--Grace--

 

Link to comment

Thanks, Grace.

"it felt like my mind, my self, was changing like a rushing river." 

Yeah, that's it. Also, "identity is a long process."

And it's not a straight-line progression either. It's like remembering dreams--very little is clear at first. And much of it is like a parable, a fable, or a metaphor.

It's always been true I'm not patient with myself. Time to remind myself of that again.

Thanks,

David

Link to comment

Dear David,

 

3 hours ago, David K. said:

And it's not a straight-line progression either. It's like remembering dreams--very little is clear at first. And much of it is like a parable, a fable, or a metaphor.

 

That's so true.  The far past is like a dream.  I really want to find some of the people I knew long ago to reflect something back to me, but that's a bit hard to do.  I'm starting to understand my childhood development a little bit for this context, but that's really a dream of a dream.

 

In contrast, an author I like has a quote in several of her novels, "Give up all hope for a better past."  But it is hard to give up trying to understand the past.  It is really important to appreciate the gift of being that I am now.

 

Now that I've been supportive (smile), I'll put on my engineer hat.

 

I see three tracks for MtF folx.  It's even more for non-binary, but let's narrow it down to MtF.

 

1.  Always knew they were a girl inside or always were compelled to cross dress, maybe not knowing why.

2.  Neuter as a child, found boys alien and mean, were horrified with male puberty and realized it was just so wrong.

3.  intersex or xx female, were assigned "M" at birth due to genital presentation, often with corrective surgery for which the records were buried to avoid stigma.

 

I guess I'm a variation on #2, but male puberty made me safer from abuse, so I didn't reject it.  Plus, I was so attracted to girls, what was to question about it?

 

I don't consider myself MtF, but non-binary way over on the feminine side.

 

What has been hard for me to access was that feeling of being a child before the abuse.  I finally remember being very emotionally reactive and empathetic, which I had to tamp down on to survive.  But it was very hard to remember that state of being, so I relate to your statement about remembering as if from a dream.

 

Does any of that help?  Experiences are so varied here, I'm sure you have your own story.

 

--Grace--

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

 

"Cis and Trans Children Know their Gender at Birth."

This issue is a tough one for me to deal with, but it's also very important that I do.

Of course I must have also known that, but don't remember. And this statement is not true for me: "Researchers also found that transgender children continue their transition regardless of acceptance or acknowledgment by parents." My father did not approve of his first son acting effeminate, so once a week he would hold me down and scream in my face and hit me with his belt until I agreed with him. This happened from ages three until six about once a week. That suppressed it well. I don't remember a word he said. I do remember his anger. I do remember it was all my fault. But I survived it and him and the suppression to become today's Davie. Something drove me to seek out the truth in the world my whole life and that served me well. I continue to survive and grow and even thrive. Thanks all for being part of my newly thriving era.

 

Link to comment
  • 2 years later...

Davie, we’re practically neighbors,,I live near Albany.  We are both older trans people, I’m 72.

 

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Rishaya said:

Davie, we’re practically neighbors,,I live near Albany.  We are both older trans people, I’m 72.

 

Hi @Rishaya. Thanks for writing on this thread--it's been a long time since. It's good to take stock and see the progress I've made these last three years. It's not so much as to "figure out" my past or even to "understand" it, but merely to accept it and move ahead. Just to read all the stories of folks here tells me that Transgender is a very wide tent and that I'm glad to be under it. My father's family lived in Utica and then Rochester, so I know a bit of that country, I accept it anyway. —Davie 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 36 Guests (See full list)

    • Pip
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.4k
    • Total Posts
      764.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,833
    • Most Online
      8,356

    boredhiker
    Newest Member
    boredhiker
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. AllieJ
      AllieJ
      (70 years old)
    2. aqn
      aqn
    3. BecciCP
      BecciCP
      (51 years old)
    4. brytina
      brytina
      (29 years old)
    5. Chancw
      Chancw
      (24 years old)
  • Posts

    • Betty K
      Phew, well we can agree on the "be yourself" bit! And yes, chatting to others as yourself; in my experience that is so crucial. My sense is that, on the whole, people warm to me far more now that I am out of the closet than they ever did before when I was hiding.
    • tracy_j
      The trans people I was stating were the commonly quoted. In effect I am in one of those other categories but my thoughts still stand.   In my view it's not really a case of blending in though. I tend to think about things. One of my thoughts has been to look throught the eyes of a woman. Getting up every morning. Putting my clothes on (female) and going out. Am I seen as trans? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don't really know. I just dress in the morning and live out my day. Yes I can be nervous. I'm that sort of person. When I think about it may cis women are self conscious too. Maybe not the same things but to the same effect. If I had been born female would it really have changed my world as regards being accepted as a person or would it have just brought other worries of equal magnitude?   There will always be  haters and agressive activism will only be fuel to their fire. In my experience the key is not to just blend in but to be yourself and chat to others as youself. Yes, that probably means you blend into your position in society but the only other option is to be outside.   Locally I look around me and hear what people say about different minorities. They are upset and even, at times, afraid of even speaking anything negative at times for fear of ending up in court. It is possible to get a prison sentence for anti trans speech and there are those who would attempt to achieve this end in the name of activism. The same is true with other minority groups. I suppose a worry I see, which luckily or otherwise I don't really have the option of locally, is that trans groups banding together in activism will be seen as a dangerous faction whereas an individual getting along (openly) with their life will not.   In my view many of the comments being made actually almost admit defeat as soon as they are made. Legeslation does not change the people. Only the people will do that. A big stick will only prompt an even bigger one.   Tracy        
    • CatieAnne
      I wore long skirts for years before going fulltime. Now I never wear long pants. I mostly wear skirts, skorts, or rompers. Occasionally, I wear shorts, usually over tights. I just hate long pants, 
    • VickySGV
      I have two saxeT (they are backward) friends who have already changed their medical care down into Mexico although I don't think it was this specific reason, but this could spark an inverse border crisis pretty easily. This may be related to the Planned Parenthood record dust-up since PP would be getting a goodly chunk of the saxeT medicaid money since they are a good provider of services to the Trans community too.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.timesofisrael.com/in-kiryat-tivon-residents-elect-israels-first-transgender-city-councilor/   It's been too long since I had something to post in this forum.  Congrats to Council Member Weinberg!   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.wyff4.com/article/sc-library-board-approves-policy-move-books-with-transgender-themes-from-children-section/60031299   Not a good day for looking through my news feed.  Not good at all.   Carolyn marie
    • VickySGV
      He does seem to have an unhealthy and fetishistic interest in Trans people.  It is almost like he is living vicariously as part of the Trans communities with all of this to the point of the DSM describing his actions in the Transvestic Disorders section.  His state is having disastrous range fires burning out of control and his mind is not on what his office can do for those victims.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.advocate.com/news/texas-gender-affirming-care-medicaid     No warning, no hearings, no expert testimony; for all anyone knows, this was done without any medical input at all.  The Texas war on trans people has gone farther than just about any other state.  You have to wonder if the people of Texas really approve of this aggression against a tiny population of people who have harmed no one.  There are a whole bunch of profanities I would spew forth at this moment, but my wife would not approve.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.keranews.org/texas-news/2024-02-29/lgbtq-group-sues-to-block-texas-ag-paxtons-request-for-records-about-transgender-children     Seems like this has become a personal crusade for Paxton, who is a bully and a bigot.  He won't win this fight unless he finds an equally bigoted judge or two.   Carolyn Marie
    • VickySGV
      @awkward-yet-sweet  You folks are all doing very much alright.  Keep it going.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @VickySGV You've got an interesting, very broad definition of activism.  Seems to encompass almost any sort of positive activity, even perhaps reaching to things that aren't directly LGBTQ.  I suppose under that umbrella even I might be an activist of a sort (unusual thought).    I'm certainly involved in my community's food program, and I've been part of finding jobs for my two trans friends (and I doubt they'll be the last.)  To me, those things just seem like everyday human stuff.  And I suppose my presence could even have a mild influence in government.  My husband is a member of the Defense Board, our sheriff is a close family friend, and my sister (she's lesbian) is running for Constable of our township.  Husband's mother is the coroner and head of the county medical clinic, and her office is decidedly respectful and inclusive after hiring my friend as a nurse - complete with nondiscrimination signage on the wall.  If these sorts of things are aspects of activism, it is certainly quieter than what's often associated with the word. 
    • KayC
      I'm with you, @Timi!  Happy I could share this with those that haven't seen it before (as somebody else did for me).     And ... I am totally with you too, @Vidanjali!  I couldn't have said it better myself 🙏😊
    • KayC
      "The bill also would force health plans that cover gender-affirming care to cover “detransition” procedures."   I don't think they're going to get many 'takers' on this part ...
    • Betty K
      That is so great to hear, Vicky. Much respect to you and Carolyn Marie.     Awesome! Again, so great to hear. And thanks for giving me some ideas.
    • Betty K
      I apologise, I should not have used the word "synonym", since it can mean both a word that means the same as another word and a word that means something similar. (Eg, "night" is supposedly a synonym for "dark", but I doubt many people would claim they meant the same thing. If it's daylight outside and I turn off the light in a windowless room, am I now in the dark or in the night?) What I should have said is that logic, rationality and common sense are not all interchangeable; they do not mean the same thing. But I take your point, people do often use them interchangeably. I find this worrying, because many people also seem unable to reason logically. For eg, recently one of my teenage clients told me that all people with brightly coloured hair are trans; when I related this comment to some people at a trans support group one of them said, "But that means I can't be trans, because I don't have brightly coloured hair." That is a thoroughly illogical argument, and the type of misunderstanding that is the source of so many disagreements.   But I am going way in the weeds here. Again, sorry everyone. I will try not to go down any more language rabbit-holes.   As to what "activist" means in your neck of the woods, luckily I don't think that meaning has become accepted common usage just yet. Of course that is a grey area, but there are still certainly people in many countries who use the word in the sense I used it above.     I understand that this is your view as you have expressed it many times elsewhere, and tbh I think many people on the left would fundamentally agree with you, though they would slightly favour the Democrats over the Republicans. But I still find it very strange how you framed your lack of safety as if it were more the fault of the Democrats than the Republicans.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...