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Right now I feel like suicide is my only option due to covid


Transgirlkatie

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Transgirlkatie

Right now I feel like suicide is the only way to solve my problems due to covid. I don't do well with online hangouts. And I didn't have many friends before covid also. And I have to stay with my mom who doesnt really understand my issues. I've tried speaking to multiple suicide hotlines but they haven't been too helpful

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Sweetie, suicide is never the answer. While things seem pretty bleak right now, COVID isn't forever. We'll get vaccinated, things will start to get back to normal. We'll be able to go to support groups again. Maybe next year we can celebrate pride. All manner of good things to look forward to. COVID is just for now.

 

Parents that don't understand you aren't forever either. Either they come around or you find a better family out in the wild. My found family is way better than the one I was born with. Yours can be too. 

 

Secondly, hey! Welcome to TransGenderPulse! We're glad you're here! No, really. We're all about the helping. It's kind of our thing. I hope you enjoy your time here. You are absolutely not alone.

 

Hugs!

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2 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Right now I feel like suicide is the only way to solve my problems due to covid. I don't do well with online hangouts.

 

This site was started for people who felt that way back in 2007.   I came on in 2011 as a member with some of that feeling still lingering even though I had begun HRT back in 2009.  The only possible way to handle it is one day at a time or yes, even one part of a day no matter how small you have to cut it.  It is now 2021 so evidently I have put a lot of days into that one at a time thing since then, but I look back and remember those days.  During the last 10 years I have met people who I felt were actually listening and the feeling keeps building and seeming all the more true.  Stick with us see if we can set that up for you as well so that at last you see there really are "good enough" problem solutions.  On thing I have found is that things I thought I could not solve were based on lack of information and the cure for that was reading things here and other places about who and what I was and am. As I found the information, the problems became something I could deal with and become teachers themselves.  Try making other posts and see what comes back with answers that if they do not wholly solve things, they can give your new ideas and best of all new hope.  This pandemic thing is making me grumpy too.

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2 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

I've tried speaking to multiple suicide hotlines but they haven't been too helpful

Hey there Katie,

 

@Jackie C.& @VickySGV said it better than I could. We are glad you dropped in to make this post, and maybe we can see you through this toughest time. I've been involved in the fire service for over 40 years, and have lost several coworkers to suicide, a cousin, and a classmate. One thing they had in common was no one who really thought they knew the person who took their own life, ever saw any signs of impending doom and self harm. Your reaching out here is hopefully a good thing, because you can tell us, (total strangers) with similar emotional/social experiences what is the toughest thing you face right now. My wife and I both had COVID back in December and we're "Old People" by many people's measure. It was tough, and we were lucky that neither of us required hospitalization. Like Jackie C said, this pandemic isn't going to last forever. When you think about it, the News Media will have drummed up another scary thing for us to fret over once it is. So hopefully can you look at the next couple of hours as your goal to get through like VickySGV suggested?

 

No mater what there is a huge group of people from all age groups, and experiences here to interact with.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🌈🦋

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I know it's hard to see a way out sometimes but here's what I learned having been in your frame of mind. The world today is better off because I am still in it than if I were not.  I didn't always think that was the truth. In fact, when I was in that state, I couldn't see the truth clearly. Depression changes the way we see things and our perceptions of life are not the truth but a distortion.  You've done some hard work already by reaching out for help. That's awesome.  Even if your mom doesn't understand your issues, she can understand your pain if you tell her. It's hard, but tell her just what you told us and ask her to get you some help now.  If you need her to take you  to a hospital to be safe, do it please. Or take yourself. Just get to a place where ending things is simply not an available choice and then work out how to start on a better path. 

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12 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Right now I feel like suicide is the only way to solve my problems due to covid. I don't do well with online hangouts. And I didn't have many friends before covid also. And I have to stay with my mom who doesnt really understand my issues. I've tried speaking to multiple suicide hotlines but they haven't been too helpful

 

Trust  me when i say  suicide will not /  has not /will not never be a solution. I understand  it must be  very tough now  for you  both with this flipping covid and all the rest. Most likely  putting  youre future journey on hold sadly. BUT it  will someday get better  again  you CANT just give up   you have to keep  fighting  towards youre goal.

 

Youre not alone  many  of  us in here been there  utliest  once   were we  just  thoght  the  only option we had  was to leave this earth so we do understand & were right here  ready to help as best as we  can         

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Timber Wolf

Hi Transgirlkatie,

The isolation that covid is forcing upon us is tough, as well as parents that won't understand. It can make one feel trapped in a rut all alone.

 

But things are changing. Covid vaccines are getting out. And even the medical experts are becoming hopeful that the time may be drawing near when we can have small gatherings again, even with the existence of the variants. Change is coming!

 

Vicky talked of this site being created to help struggling transfolk get through suicidal feelings. Before I found these forums, I was having thoughts of finding my way to the top of the tallest building in Grand Rapids and taking that proverbial flying leap. I felt so alone in the world. No help, no one who understands. Then I found these forums. They saved my life. For the first time I realized I wasn't wasn't alone.

 

You are not alone in the world either. We are here, and we care. We are trans, we know the struggles of being trans.

 

I have been more of a face to face talker myself, but I had to get used to online forums if I wanted help. You may want to try Transpulse chat. It allows you to have real time conversations with other transfolk. It may help you feel even less alone.

 

Just remember, you've ALWAYS got friends here who care and understand.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

 

 

 

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Hang in there, COVID will be over at some point, hopefully this year. If the hotlines aren't helping you can always check yourself into the hospital, they can have you in psychiatry for a while until you feel well and stable again. I did this last summer and it helped immensely, I just went to the emergency department and told them I wanted to kill myself (I had a plan, means, and intent of doing it, I am only alive and writing this because of a split second decision I made not to follow thru). So, I know what it is like to struggle with suicidal thinking. What helped me honestly was the right medication (which they found when I was hospitalized), cutting way back on social media, and having online video interactions with friends. It will also help to pick up a hobby or a craft. I find that working on puzzles or building Lego keeps my mind of things. And also, reading books, especially fiction, has been shown to help with loneliness.

It might seem like there is no hope right now but there is, it can and will get better. There is a little light within you that is fighting to stay lit, instead help it out and give it a respite from the breeze so it can grow strong.

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Never have i felt male not ever ,i have always been wonder woman in  superman's body,and have been acting as male for 51 years,going through self harm suicide attempts ,all of it ,and i have overcome the torture the bullying ,the politics and hurt,just like most of us,at the height of it,my disforia was so bad ,that i was having outer body experiences ,that's when i realized we have a mind a body and a soul,and my mind did not like my body ,so the only balance was my soul,i have been on hrt for year,and it has been amazing ,i still learning how good the feeling is to connect to me in a way that feels right,there three tier groups around me,and thats where this story begins,group one love me and seem to understand ,group three are full of hate and fear politics and all the bad energy things,i am strong enough to take them on and overcome,but where the real pain starts is group no 2 ,the middle group ,they seem to be with me and are understanding of my transition ,but now they see changes ,they are trying to stop me,this has broken my heart into a thousand pieces,and ignited a energy in me that could run new york city,for a week,and now i want to fight back so hard,and become a voice,unfortunately i am not around many transgender girls,and cannot relate to those around me,so using the energy and being calm ,i slowly forgive all the horrible people,and do not give them the energy that they want to feed on from me,we can have totems like wonder woman inside us ,and can guide us to strength beyond belief,play life like a computer game,and always move forward ,you have more meaning and strength inside you ,then so many ,for making the decision to be yourself ,takes a very big heart ,and a leap of faith,always be you so true ,that a lie cannot stand i  front of your path,and a feeling of love and strength will cut like a sword ,through all the pain and self doubt.

 

Mtf for life.

 

YOU ROCK❤️🎸

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Hey @ATLANTIS, I see this is your first post so welcome to TransPulse! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

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As others said before, COVID is not forever. But even in these times, you can make the best of it. If hrt is not possible yet, you can start growing your hair, doing exercise, etc. to boost estrogen naturally. There are videos about it too.

And keep in mind, you have only one life. Do not waste it. I hope everything will get better!

 

 

Edited by Jackie C.
Reference to herbals removed. Rule #14
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On 2/15/2021 at 2:47 PM, Transgirlkatie said:

Right now I feel like suicide is the only way to solve my problems due to covid.

Over the years, I've found that the more time I invested in this self-affirming process, the less I've wanted to end this self-affirming process. You Transgirlkatie  truly are worth the self investment, no matter how small. Prayers for your recovery.

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Transgirlkatie

Thanks for all the replies. Right now things are looking up a little, I made a new friend this weekend, and I got randomly selected to get the vaccine this week. And this week I have a good amount of social hangouts planned

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1 hour ago, Transgirlkatie said:

And this week I have a good amount of social hangouts planned

Glad to read this update @Transgirlkatie. Keeping busy is what I use to battle my darkest times too. Stay safe!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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19 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Hey @ATLANTIS, I see this is your first post so welcome to TransPulse! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Thankyou  SO HUGS BACK X

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Thankyou so much for responding ,i don't feel so alone now,sometimes a understanding voice is all u need to move forward, no more lost and never found,talking is a remedy for a broken heart,and a crushed mind,there is hope yet.❤️

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  • Forum Moderator

@ATLANTIS  Thank you for the update. These are very hard times but I’m happy to hear that things are improving for you. There is always hope so don’t ever give that up. Your not alone if you’re a member of this forum as there is usually an empathetic ear standing by and ready to listen.

 

*Hugs*

Susan R🌷

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3 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Thanks for all the replies. Right now things are looking up a little, I made a new friend this weekend, and I got randomly selected to get the vaccine this week. And this week I have a good amount of social hangouts planned

 

Yore very welkome . As i always say   sooner  or later  things  turn from even the  deepest  darkest  times .  Happy for you (smiling warmly )    

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