Breaking the Ice About Transsexuality

[Delcina B]

This is wonderful, it describes me. I remember when I was 10 my mom found some tights in my bed. She didn't confront me, but I knew she found them. When I saw her telling my dad I made sure they saw me all macho splitting wood. I'm not a square or a circle, maybe a diamond that fits in both, or maybe a circle shaped like a square.

 

Originally posted by Guest Leah1026

Quote

Transsexuality 101

What is a transsexual?

For simplicity, a transsexual is a person whose inner sense of gender identity and brain patterns are completely the opposite of what physical form they are born into. This is a recognized medical condition which is completely unrelated to sexuality or sexual preference at all, but unfortunately society sees only brazen gay and bisexual people out there using gender bending to express their sexuality and assumes this is what transsexuals are too. A real transsexual has no more in common with a drag queen, gay or bisexual person than they do with a chimpanzee! They have a deep basic incongruity between their inner identity and their physical form which can only best be expressed as something which is within their very soul. Transsexuality occurs in equal numbers across born male and born female people. Estimates are that approximately 1 in 30,000 people are born with the condition.

 

How does this happen?

There are many things known today through years of research, though no one single absolute cause has been quantified as of yet. It is almost universally believed that during the formation of the fetus in utero, a hormonal imbalance affects the development of the body sex characteristics in a way that is misaligned with the core gender brain wiring. The brain "gender identity" is determined very early on in the fetal growth process, though the messages of an incorrect hormone balance sent to the developing fetus’ body, redirects the "intended" natural development to the wrong physical gender. Once born, while growing up the body’s own hormone generators then further the physical discrepancy - especially once puberty arrives. Unique chormosonal or genetic influences are also possible contributing factors that are being researched as additional contributing components to the phenomenon. It is very important to understand that no two things in nature are alike - there is no black and white bipolar scheme in life, and random types of birth development happen in all species, including transsexuality. Much more common birth development variations include Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome , Klinefelter Syndrome , being Intersexed , or Gender Mosaic.

Transsexuality is not hereditary, and a person cannot not just "become" transsexual one day. As an extremely complex birth condition the situation is simply a variable in nature and there is nothing and no one to blame. It can actually be a very enlightening, even religious experience about the nature of the universe and humanity far beyond simple primative bi-polar sociological models. Most transsexuals are acutely aware of something feeling incorrect from a very early age but lack the ability to approach the issue. Transsexuality is not contagious, a "demon" or a cult into which someone can be enticed into - one cannot "catch" it, or turn into it...one is simply born transsexual. It occurs across all races, socioeconomic classes, religions, and childhood family upbringings, and has been documented throughout history for thousands of years...many cultures even have revered or worshipped them for having extraordinary vision and wisdom. Transsexuals are actually very good, intelligent, family loving people who are valuable, creative and productive members of society when given the opportunity to flourish without oppression.

 

How could someone want "that" surgery?

The person with transsexuality eventually must learn to accept their situation if they are to survive happily in self congruity, and not be rendered incapacitated by depression and other co-morbid mental health problems out of frustration and despair. They often have worked very hard at being everything they could for everyone else but no matter how hard they try, they always come up feeling empty and unfulfilled because they are still not whole. These feelings magnify over time until eventually the individual is overwhelmed in dysphoria. They may have tried to live in a role and style that is incongruous for a long, long time until it finally becomes unbearable… this can become a critical life threatening time for the transsexual. To simply try to even live in some sort of duality or "alternative lifestyle" without true physical and social alignment is to just continue the intolerable hypocrisy of a masquerade in a different form, still being something they are not. The ultimate goal is to be truthful and completely real unto themselves as their true gender identity dictates. The only real option left then becomes the social process of transitioning to their correct gender and also the medical process of hormone therapy and surgery. Physical pain and expenses become completely insignificant in comparison to the prospects of having to endure living life in a false way any longer.

 

The Life Experience of a Transsexual.

A person with transsexuality will almost always go through many devastating and long stages of fear, guilt, anger, shame, self loathing and emotional distress throughout their life as a result of the incongruity. They know that they will also likely face fear, hatred, prejudice, violence and rejection – sometimes even from those they may love or respect most. No one wants or chooses to have this happen to them, so as a result transsexuals typically live seriously disrupted lives tangled in deep inner emotional conflict. They must go through a very long difficult process of getting beyond their internalized conflicts and societal pressures by learning to finally accept that this is just who they are, and these are the cards they have been dealt in life. It is then that they realize they must play it out to the best of their ability to achieve congruity, for their own health and well being.

Often those with transsexuality will attempt almost anything in the world to avoid facing their fears and unavoidable situation, including super-human macho activities or careers, marriage, family, extreme creative endeavors or even turn to religion, drugs or alcohol to escape. Sooner or later though, if they have survived this far they will find that these things did not work and they must face yet another even greater battle with their transsexual "demon". The fear of facing the issue can instill an emotional paralysis that can be difficult if not impossible to shake. It is then that they must seek professional assistance to gain some kind of movement in their situation. There is an immense amount of deep inner personal work ahead for someone who reaches this point, many unfortunately, never make it. If they do, they come to realize that the "demon" was an internally fabricated myth woven out of fear of change, emotion, insecurity and social pressure - It was never even really there at all. As US President F.D.Roosevelt. put it - "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts"

 

The Final Freedom.

Once the transsexual person has overcome their fears, guilt and shame and accepted themselves and learned to feel self worth, happiness and inner pride, with proper guidance they will move forward through transition and on to establish new lives in the properly aligned role. The period of time can be short sometimes for very young transsexuals who can't find coping skills in life or are less affected by social "role" pressures to conform to - or it can take years, even decades to unfold. The path can be a treacherous, painful, expensive, lonely and emotional one but it can be done successfully with the highly rewarding end result of rising above the flames of their torment and dysphoria like a Phoenix from the ashes.

To just feel "normal" is something almost everyone takes for granted in life - For the person afflicted with transsexuality, it is the Holy Grail.

Once an individual passes through the processes involved, wholeness of being is achieved and the person can transcend their past medical condition and live a balanced, normal life.

 

Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20060508175534/http://dazzled.com/igirl/ts101.htm

 

 

 

[VickySGV]

This is one explanation to be sure, there are others equally as informative that are also good explanations.  The term Transsexual is thought of a little too exclusively as the top and only goal of people with Gender Dysphoria.  People with lesser degrees of the conditions described  are also Trans People who are fully as much a part of the Gender Diversity Community.  In other words while good and applicable to you, Transsexual is not the only term for the same set of Identity differences from Cis people.

[SheenaT]

On 2/22/2021 at 6:18 PM, Delcina B said:

This is wonderful, it describes me. I remember when I was 10 my mom found some tights in my bed. She didn't confront me, but I knew she found them. When I saw her telling my dad I made sure they saw me all macho splitting wood. I'm not a square or a circle, maybe a diamond that fits in both, or maybe a circle shaped like a square.

 

Originally posted by Guest Leah1026

 

 

 

So so true!

[SheenaT]

On 2/22/2021 at 7:04 PM, VickySGV said:

This is one explanation to be sure, there are others equally as informative that are also good explanations.  The term Transsexual is thought of a little too exclusively as the top and only goal of people with Gender Dysphoria.  People with lesser degrees of the conditions described  are also Trans People who are fully as much a part of the Gender Diversity Community.  In other words while good and applicable to you, Transsexual is not the only term for the same set of Identity differences from Cis people.

I never saw myself in the same category as drag queens etc.

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@SheenaT Much like yourself I knew I was different when I young also. My problem was transgender wasn't a word when I was young. Gay people were having a real difficult time just getting rights because of President Regan's open hostility towards them. If transgender was a term it was not in the mid-west where I grew up, and if there are transgender people that live there I am sure they face hostility to this day there. This is why I moved away, and will never return to that part of the world. The religious hostility, the people that use religion to be hostile to the LGBTQ people in that area. 

I am so glad now that I will now be able to live my life openly and freely. March 4 I am having my FFS and BA and I know that will make a huge difference in my life. 

Regards, 

Gina 

Happy for you. I only dream of moving forward 

[Betty K]

On 2/23/2021 at 12:18 PM, Delcina B said:

A real transsexual has no more in common with a drag queen, gay or bisexual person than they do with a chimpanzee!

 

Hi Dulcina, nice to meet you and I'm very happy you've found words that describe you so aptly.

 

I just wanted to point out, though, that this sentence is inaccurate. It's definitely possible for a transgender (or transsexual) person to be either gay or bisexual, since transgender people, like all people, can inhabit any part of the sexuality spectrum.

[Delcina B]

Thanks Betty, great to meet you too! Just beginning this chapter of my life, I guess you could call it an awakening? As for the sexuality part, that chapter has yet to be written, a blank canvas if you will.

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, Delcina B said:

As for the sexuality part, that chapter has yet to be written, a blank canvas if you will.

 

That sounds exciting! I think it's best not to be too rigid in our thinking about sexuality. I know from experience it can surprise you.

 

[Delcina B]

It's a bit overwhelming coming to realize and accept this is me. This woman that is me isn't an abhorrent being as societal norms would have us think, but a beautiful person. It's been exhilarating thus far, so exciting is quite possible. 

[Betty K]

4 hours ago, Delcina B said:

It's a bit overwhelming coming to realize and accept this is me.

 

I know exactly what you mean Delcina. I'm not even sure what is the "me" I need to accept yet! I'm trying to work that out now. But one thing I can accept, and I think I am accepting, is my sexuality. The gender part is a little more confusing.

[Delcina B]

At times I want to rush & do it all right now, but I think if I let myself grow like a flower I will turn out like I'm meant to. A rose only blooms overnight in fairy tales.   

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, Delcina B said:

At times I want to rush & do it all right now, but I think if I let myself grow like a flower I will turn out like I'm meant to. A rose only blooms overnight in fairy tales.   

I totally want to just go and do it all too. When you have hidden and denied yourself for your whole life the thought of finally being congruent is overwhelming. 

[SheenaT]

On 2/24/2021 at 4:27 PM, gina-nicole-t said:

@SheenaT Much like yourself I knew I was different when I young also. My problem was transgender wasn't a word when I was young. Gay people were having a real difficult time just getting rights because of President Regan's open hostility towards them. If transgender was a term it was not in the mid-west where I grew up, and if there are transgender people that live there I am sure they face hostility to this day there. This is why I moved away, and will never return to that part of the world. The religious hostility, the people that use religion to be hostile to the LGBTQ people in that area. 

I am so glad now that I will now be able to live my life openly and freely. March 4 I am having my FFS and BA and I know that will make a huge difference in my life. 

Regards, 

Gina 

Transgender wasn't a word for me either. If only I had known, I NEVER WOULD HAVE MARRIED! Transition would have been my goal. It is so hard to think of transitioning now with so much to lose. Home,job, family, friends.  I must say I am closer to being willing to say goodbye to it all.

[SheenaT]

2 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@SheenaT Well I have lost my biological parents due to my transition, which is fine with me. They really didn't speak to me in the first place, and much less with the pandemic. I was fortunate to not have married my ex-fiancé. We do share a daughter, but she is much closer to me than her mom even though I am half the country away from her. I never though I would make it to my transition. I just thought I would go on being a depressed man until I died. Now I am seeing the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I wish you the best. I know losing your family, marriage, home, are huge concerns. If you do say goodbye to it all you will make new friends that you can count on, someone that will love you for you, and you will be leaving toxic people behind that are only holding you back. I hope to find someone someday. 

Warmest regards, 

Gina 

??????

[SheenaT]

12 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@SheenaT Well I have lost my biological parents due to my transition, which is fine with me. They really didn't speak to me in the first place, and much less with the pandemic. I was fortunate to not have married my ex-fiancé. We do share a daughter, but she is much closer to me than her mom even though I am half the country away from her. I never though I would make it to my transition. I just thought I would go on being a depressed man until I died. Now I am seeing the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I wish you the best. I know losing your family, marriage, home, are huge concerns. If you do say goodbye to it all you will make new friends that you can count on, someone that will love you for you, and you will be leaving toxic people behind that are only holding you back. I hope to find someone someday. 

Warmest regards, 

Gina 

?

[lauraincolumbia]

On 2/22/2021 at 9:18 PM, Delcina B said:

This is wonderful, it describes me. I remember when I was 10 my mom found some tights in my bed. She didn't confront me, but I knew she found them. When I saw her telling my dad I made sure they saw me all macho splitting wood. I'm not a square or a circle, maybe a diamond that fits in both, or maybe a circle shaped like a square.

 

Originally posted by Guest Leah1026

 

 

 

This is so familiar!  If you had said nylons instead of tights, then I might have written this.