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One more trans story


Willow McKenzie

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   I was born on a ranch in Arizona.  It was a long drive down a dirt road and then up a sand-wash for a few more miles.    My mother always wanted a baby girl, so all my baby pictures I'm dressed that way with bows in my hair.   When I was 3 I got a baby sister, so Ma would dress me in a cowboy hat and boots, (nothing else), and send me out the door with the dog.   I wandered allover until she called the dog and he showed her where I was.   Next, I started school and went to a one-room-school, (actually 3) plus the outhouse.  I was a quick learner so I was bumped up a grade to be with 3 girls.   My Mother (who was quite artistic) made paper-dolls for us all, and we all had fun making clothes for them.   When I was around 10 My Mother dressed me as a girl for Halloween.  That was my "MOMENT".   From that time I hoped to be re-incarnated as a girl after my "boy" life was over.    Next, I slowly started puberty and High School.  I had to ride the bus for an hour and a half each way.   I wanted to be in band, but part of it was after school, and I would have no way to get home.  So they put me in gym with smelly, nasty, boys.   I never had boys around or learned sports so they were mean to me.   I took the hardest classes, which were easy for me and I mentored some of the girls.   That angered some of the boys, so I got beat-up in gym while the coach wasn't around.  I ended up in the hospital for 3 days and lost one testicle.   I lied about how it happened, said it was an accident.  

   When I got out of college, I did what my Mother taught me to do, get a ranch, or a farm,  and a wife.  Raise kids and animals.   I was a long-haired "Hippy" with a girl from a wealthy family that thought country life would be fun, WRONG!   We divorced 10yrs later.  I had to buy her half of my farm back so I entered the toxic-male workforce.   They were mean to me until they realized  that I could figure out and fix all their problems.   Then it all turned around and they protected me from other threats.   It turned out that many of them were really nice and were just wearing ass-hole armor.   I paid off my farm, started a repair business on the side, and married another woman.   I shouldn't have married.   I swore I wouldn't fail at marriage again, so I kept turning the other cheek for 28yrs.   Well, it took all my savings and retirement plus 7yrs of payments and I am free again!    

   Going back a bit.   I never developed that "male" over the years being "one hung low".   When I was 50 I had marginal male function and my Dr. said I had very low T.   He put me on testosterone shots.  This was the first time I got to experience strong maleness.   I embraced it because I thought that was what had been wrong with me all along. Amazingly, I was still sweet and nice, just intense and impatient.  I did develop male-pattern baldness though, damn!   Well,  after 10yrs I got prostate cancer and they took it all away to save me, put me on finasteride.   I went into deep menopause and eventually tried herbal menopausal relief.  I tried PM and I felt right inside, finally!

   I got a satellite and went on the internet.   I learned a lot about everything including why I was a girl inside.   I Gooogled "Transgender and high IQ" together and found QUORA.   It didn't take long before I found MBTI.   I also found that I could be a girl in this lifetime.   I got a trans-friendly primary Dr. (5hrs drive) and I've been on E over 4yrs.  I have been a busy beaver ever since.   I hope I can be of help to others on this wonderful forum.  

   I apologize for the long tale, It is day break and I need to get bacon frying.   

 

    ---WILLOW---

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9 hours ago, David K. said:

Wow. What a story! Thanks so much. You inspire me.

Thanks again.

 

David 

Thank You!   Too bad I didn't find this site years ago.   I wish you well on your journey.  Feel free to ask me anything, any time.

 

   ---WILLOW---

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6 hours ago, Jandi said:

Wellcome Willow F

Oh Jandi,  When I wandered around in Transpulse before joining you had the personality out of everyone that just "stuck" with me.  What an honor to now meet you.

 

   ---WILLOW---

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  • Forum Moderator
On 2/28/2021 at 6:06 AM, Willow Farmer said:

I got a satellite and went on the internet.   I learned a lot about everything including why I was a girl inside.

Hello @Willow Farmer Great read! Your life was not an easy one but it looks like your doing very well now. Unraveling the mystery of who you really are and accepting it is so difficult. You’ve undoubtedly felt the freedom that acceptance brings. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. I’m very happy for you and hope to read more about you and your continuing journey.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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3 hours ago, Susan R said:

Hello @Willow Farmer Great read! Your life was not an easy one but it looks like your doing very well now. Unraveling the mystery of who you really are and accepting it is so difficult. You’ve undoubtedly felt the freedom that acceptance brings. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. I’m very happy for you and hope to read more about you and your continuing journey.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Thank You Susan.   Yes, My life is going pretty good right now and I hope it continues that way, and yes I feel the freedom.  At least I have new friends to ask for advise if it gets real challenging again.

 

   Much Love,

   ---WILLOW---

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Thank you!   I'm looking forward to exploring this site and it's members.

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But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
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