Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Misgendered because of voice


AwesomeClaire

Recommended Posts

AwesomeClaire

I was at the store today, and one of the staff asked "Have you found everything you were looking for today ma'am?" Happy with this pronoun use, I said "Yes." To which she replies "I'm so sorry! I just saw the long hair, I used the wrong pronoun." I just replied "I'm a ma'am" and moved on.

At another store, someone was being trained at checkout. The trainer first referred to me as "her", but after I spoke, I am pretty sure he referred to me as "he" after that.

 

I've had voice training for a couple months, not sure that it is changing much other than making me slightly androgynous, but either way most people are thinking male when they hear my voice.

 

I didn't let it get to me to much, I think I have decided that this misgendering thing will just be a fact of life and I have my own validation that I am a woman and don't need it from others, despite how much the misgendering may sting at times.

Link to post
Emily michelle

I have the same thing too. My voice just screams male and it really bothers me to the point I’m afraid to speak in public. I haven’t tried to get any help yet I’d like to see a speech therapist but the only ones that will help trans people are down in the city, which I would have to take off of work to see one and also my insurance doesn’t cover trans care.

Link to post
Erica Gabriel

I tried so hard over the years to make my voice more masculine and now I’m having to unlearn those habits now that I’ve accepted who I am.

Link to post
AwesomeClaire

My new voice therapist is about an hour away and they do telemed appts. It's not ideal but better than nothing. Sorry your insurance won't help with it. Have you found anything useful on YouTube? I tried that first and it was too confusing and not very comprehensive, just a mash up of random tricks to try and that isn't very helpful for me.

 

That's really interesting, I too always thought my voice wasn't masculine enough when I was trying to be that way. I know a lot of it has to do with the words I use and how I say things. 

 

Link to post
ValerieRun

The main issue is with the "baseline" of the voice that helps with the gendering. As you probably learned already, just going into the higher pitch will not change the perception (or first impression) of where your voice started. It would appear that a lot of us had to learn to use deeper voice in the attempt to fit in better, but ultimately it was still overlaying on the same base.

And so the main point of re-learning  now is how to modify the baseline. I am about to start on the whole voice training, but from all the videos one thing becomes clear - you need a human feedback (or be EXTREMELY critical to your own recordings and understand what to change) to tailor the exercises to improve.

Link to post
AwesomeClaire

Yeah there is no way I could do it on my own, it's really hard to change.

 

Link to post
Emily michelle

I just called a speech therapist and they want a referral from my doctor so I’m hoping my endocrinologist will send them a referral.

Link to post
AwesomeClaire

They should! I don't see why not, it is pretty common. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
21 hours ago, AwesomeClaire said:

I've had voice training for a couple months

 

Don't worry about it. Voice training takes time. I wasn't really "solid" until I'd been at it, oh, somewhere in the 6 to 9 month range with constant (attempted) use and an hour a day of targeted practice. There's a lot to learn and building up the right muscles isn't going to happen overnight. My voice is lovely now, but it sure didn't start that way.

 

I did it with minimal feedback from my spouse (I think she was afraid to say anything), a couple of apps on my tablet and an online voice coach. She sent me lessons, I could send her voice clips back and she'd give me pointers.

 

This is such a big deal to people, I was thinking about a Discord session where we could just talk about it and work on our voices. Right this second I'm up to my chesticles in RBT training, but a once-a-month thing on Saturdays with people who have their female voice down and people trying to learn seems like it would be a good thing. (Plans are nebulous, but I'm willing to put in the effort if there's interest.)

 

Hugs!

Link to post
AwesomeClaire

Ok. The new voice place is a bit slow in getting back to me. I might be able to do a group thing but Sundays would be better for me, I might be able to do an hour Saturday afternoon. I'd recommend zoom instead, even with the 40 minute time limit for groups on free version, it is far superior to discord.

Link to post
  • 1 month later...
LusciousTheLock

I've got to look into this now. I never really thought about it, but had to call a broken windscreen through to the repairers the other day on behalf of another driver. I was asked for my name, I replied Tamsyn. The lovely lady said. No. I need your name. Tamsyn. No not the driver she replied, yours. Sadly I caved in and said James. Then hung up headbutting my desk. I can do a female voice and have practised. Just cant seem to take myself seriously enough to pull it off on a permanent basis.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
3 hours ago, LusciousTheLock said:

Just cant seem to take myself seriously enough to pull it off on a permanent basis.

 

It's just practice. It's hard to change your voice permanently, but you can absolutely do it if you want it. You'll get there. After keeping my voice where it's at currently for... oh, two and a half years... it's harder to talk in a male voice. I can do it, but I have to make an effort. There's the occasional misstep, but I know how to cover and correct, so it's no big deal. Again, you'll get there. Practice and patience lead to perfection.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
AwesomeClaire

Yeah, even tho I am not very advanced in the voice training, I finally got back into lessons the past few weeks. I do have to make a serious effort to drop back into my default male range.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   13 Members, 0 Anonymous, 91 Guests (See full list)

    • 2beBreanna
    • Taylor_The_Tranny
    • Delcina B
    • **Angela Charlotte **
    • AmberM
    • AbsolutelyAsh
    • Chloe Cozee
    • ValerieRun
    • Elizabeth Star
    • Mmindy
    • Beatriz
    • Sukey
    • Jandi
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,763
    • Total Posts
      681,046
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,316
    • Most Online
      8,356

    myteethareshiny
    Newest Member
    myteethareshiny
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (15 years old)
    2. JJ
      JJ
      (74 years old)
    3. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • AmberM
      I have found therapy to be useful over the years, however, there was always this one thing that kept coming back that I didn't know how to deal with. After finally getting after my gender identity, I have noticed a lift in my mood, and improvement in several symptoms. What is hard though, is this time of year, normally my mood naturally increases. So we have to wait until October time frame to see if it dips down super low again. It isn't that I don't get dips week to week, because I still get some dips, just they haven't been as low as they were in the past. I think therapy has been pivotal to my success and will remain to be key to my continued success.
    • Elizabeth Star
      Nothing special today.  Black high-neck tank and jeans. The neckline is more conservative then I usually wear but I really like the look and feel.    Also added finishing powder to my makeup routine. Not that I need it for work but practice makes perfect.     
    • Taylor_The_Tranny
      Ok, thanks so much I'll be sure to check it out!
    • Mmindy
      Jandi, This is my life in a nut shell. I'm several years behind you, but this is exactly how I have come to see myself. @Jani is correct in pointing out that most of us are not girls, but women, and in my case an older woman. My Suzie is still coming around slowly to the fact that I'm transgender and we can openly talk about how this affects our relationship, and our different feelings. This June 26th, we will be married for 45 years, now she understands that my many girl friends, were just that GIRL friends. Nothing More. I'm not looking to be with anyone but my Suzie, and have to always remind her of that. It's human nature to want to be desired, in my opinion. Relationships die or fail when the people in them stop pursuing each other. It's the hunt, not the kill. It's about the fishing not just the landing of a trophy mount. My joy in gardening is the gardening, not just the harvest or cut flowers.   Good morning everyone, the coffee was HOT, black, strong, and never bitter.   Hugs,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Taylor_The_Tranny
      Help is appreciated. :)
    • Shay
      Retirement opened the door for me. I'd told myself I needed to free myself but the fear of more abandonment and rejection and as has been said in the most recent postings - I looked to please and comfort others and deny myself. It's getting easier but the road to recovery is long and grueling.
    • Shay
      I've seen probably 5 therapist over the years and they treated me for depression and anxiety, anorexia and panic attacks but my symptoms always came back. My current Therapist was the first Gender Identity Specialist I've seen and the effects have been so refreshing and helpful. I notice the waiting lists for GI specialists and the lack of coverage and lack of available therapists, specially when you get out of major cities. Zoom helps but in person meeting so much more beneficial.   How about you? Have you found a therapist that has helped you become YOU?
    • Jandi
      I had always been a diplomat, trying to get the people around me to get along - damage control.  And I was willing to compromise myself to preserve the peace.  I think I had gotten to a place where I was no longer living, but only reacting. I wonder if I would have ever felt free to look at my own issues if I had stayed in that relationship.  It was only when it collapsed that I felt free to explore my own neglected identity.  I had been living for other people for years.   This said, I do think we have to consider those around us.  But we can't let them, or our fear of offending them control us.
    • Shay
      Love the harmonies .....        
    • VickySGV
      YOU would have to decide that during sessions with your Gender Therapist.  For some individual, it could be, for another Enby person it may just be a normal feeling of growing up that comes on and disappears as a feeling in a few months or less.  ALL teenagers Cis/Trans/Enby go through periods where their bodies do not look right and give them some form of distress, but if it is actual GD is up to each one and their therapy team to explore, and as I said it is an individual realization.  Also it will not be a single body part likely to do it.  I am in my 70's and my two Cis teenagers are "deathly stressed" about whether their bodies look right, along with their AMAB sister and her stress is not related to her gender.
    • Shay
    • Shay
    • Shay
      @Daviecongratulations - a novel - I tried - I finished first draft - was bad. Would love to read your book when ready.
    • Bri2020
      Love this top although most days I cover it with a jean shirt to hide the tats. Although the laser treatments are really working at removing them.  Electrolysis day so no makeup- lipstick on a pig theory. lol.  
    • Davie
      Well, I did do a few social things. But I mostly finished my writing project. Whew! Pooped. A bit about it is here: Thanks for all the support, Davie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...