Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

UK's first' LGBT retirement community to open in London


Maid In Bedlam

Recommended Posts

Maid In Bedlam

What is described as the UK's first retirement community celebrating LGBT+ people is set to open.

 

 

Whats your thoughts on this?

 

Would it be that those members of society are being segragated? Over 55s have been able to rent flats specifically in areas for people of an older age group for many years. But in reality thats a diffrent ball park.

 

I know you have a few in states for the lgbt members of society! for exampleStonewall Gardens in Palm Springs.  Do they work?

 

Would you want to move into one or do you see is as a way of keeping you seperate from a society that you endevour to be accepting?

 

BBC Link here

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Charlize

I'm hesitant about seeing the LGBT community separated from the rest of society.  Our presence and existence as older folks must be helpful for younger folks.  Knowing that we can't "fit in" is a sad comment.  At the same time i do have to laugh at the idea of how i may look if i get past being able to care for myself.  My beard is light and i haven't dealt with that issue.  I'll just be the bearded old lady if i stop shaving long enough.😄

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to post

I am sure that the people concerned mean well, but segregation is not necessarily a good idea.  The concept of LGBT people being one group, with common interests and needs, is something that I am also sceptical about.

 

Robin.

Link to post
LusciousTheLock

Nope. Surely our whole aim of transition is to do just that. Transition and dissapear. Blend in. vanish. Live who we really are. Who wants a red flag advertising who you are / were? And singled out as a constant reminder?  Equal rights for all should mean just just that. No exceptions. Education should bring us together not pidgeon hole us for being different.

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie
2 hours ago, Robin said:

I am sure that the people concerned mean well, but segregation is not necessarily a good idea.  The concept of LGBT people being one group, with common interests and needs, is something that I am also sceptical about.

 

Robin.

 

This!

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I don't support any kind of segregation and would like to continue to be out and about among the unwashed masses. On the other hand, if I find myself single as I get older, I would love to know my potential dating pool is all on one place. It would make meeting a new partner much simpler.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
  • Admin
VickySGV

I was recently in a discussion about this with a group of age 65+ LGBT people.  Some of them who have lived on the margins of society for many years have found that they do not share experience with Cis / Het people which would make new friendship difficult and could well leave them in isolation which while not new, would make life difficult or highly depressive.  Having things in common with your "house mates" or close neighbors gives you a sense of community which your have longed for in your working ages, where you can relax share tales and not worry about judgment of who you were or what you did.  Such a place is a Safe Haven.  I have visited a relative who has been in an Assisted Living Condo and she was subject to shunning by other neighbors in it because of her religion (Methodist vs Catholic vs Baptist) and some other factors where she did not fit in.  I was not "out" during my visits there, but there would have been grave problems for her.  I was cautioned by the manager there that many of the residents were Homophobic to points they had to be dealt with about their expression.

 

I do have Gay friends who are in the Palm Springs CA community @Maid In Bedlam mentioned above and for them it is a very good thing.  Both couples (yes married) have fitted in very well with the community, and it is an element of stress off their lives to be in the neighborhood there.  All four of them had been "Activists" in the LGBTQ community and they do have stories to share and relate to.  They do welcome younger people to events on the Community grounds so there is generational intersection that encourages both groups.

In Los Angeles, the LGB Center has a new living complex where LGBT seniors can find affordable housing.  Across the street from it is a short term housing complex for LGBT youth and young adults. The younger people have service commitments to help the senior residents across the street in exchange for low rents, and there is a community area where all of them can intersect with each other. 

For the time being the LGBT does not simply have acceptance to make end of life experiences enjoyable and socially comfortable for the community members. I am eligible by age to move into either facility I know about, but for now I am able to live on my own with no problems (other than forgetting where I put my purse).  I would hope that some day in the not too distant future (40 to 60 years) that LGBTQ seniors could just be part of all communities where their histories and lives could be shared with all, without the horror and disgust in so many of our age group still have for LGBT, until then I vote in favor of the retirement centers.

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

In California there is a law that requires extended/senior living and assisted living places to not discriminate on the basis of sexual preference or gender expression.  The law is fine, but as Vicky points out (above), that doesn't mean that individuals within those facilities will be as voluntarily tolerant as the management & staff are mandated to be.  I guess it would be up to the facility managers what to do about transphobic or homophobic residents.  Any way you look at it, it would be an uncomfortable situation.

 

That said, I still would not wish to be segregated that way.  Such segregation wouldn't guarantee piece of mind, either.  I know some trans folk whom I would not enjoy living next to.  Ya pays yer money and ya takes yer chances.  :argue:  ;)

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
tracy_j

Knowing no trans people whatever locally (at least as far as I know) and just living in the community I don't see any advantage to it. To me it is preferable to live in the general population rather than segregation, which would likely bring as many problems as it solves.

 

Tracy

 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 75 Guests (See full list)

    • DeeDee
    • LaurenA
    • MomTGDaughter
    • Snow Princess Sophie
    • Stefi
    • Jackie C.
    • Tori M
    • VickySGV
    • Shay
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,689
    • Total Posts
      680,198
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,292
    • Most Online
      8,356

    leongreen
    Newest Member
    leongreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. wishing to be kim
      wishing to be kim
      (61 years old)
  • Posts

    • Jackie C.
      Not impossible, but it takes a LOT of work to build man-legs without T. For example, I can press 11 plates (that's 990 pounds plus another 110 for the carriage) and my legs still look girly. It'll take a lot of calf and leg work to thicken them up without T.   Hugs!
    • AwesomeClaire
      Well, she probably won't be supportive then or use your name/pronouns, unfortunately. That's a tough one. You have to think about the possibility/eventuality tho that she will find out. How would you want her to find out?
    • AwesomeClaire
      Ok, have you tried strength training? For example, exercising regularly and including weightlifting, to reduce body fat and increase muscle mass?
    • Bri2020
      I have butt envy Liz I'm in casual mode around the house today and repping my Dolphins. (and I have no butt to show. lol)  
    • Kakileli
      I know that my sister is INCREDIBLY homophobic, so I assume she is transphobic too. Not much else. I don’t live with her btw 
    • Chiefsrule58
      Shame and fear of how others would react and not wanting to disappoint my parents.  Growing up from the time I started kindergarten to when I graduated I was always subject to violence and bullying.  My parents knew of the bullying as well as the  teachers and principles. My mother just kept telling me that if I didn't just act the way I did the other kids would leave me be. My father took a different stance, he thought I should learn to stand up for myself so his approach was either you fight back or I will beat you myself.   It took me a very long time for me to change my believes about myself.  Overtime I got really good at hiding and avoiding others primarily for my own safety. In high school I had the opportunity to join NJROTC which I did because I did not want to deal with the gym locker room.        I enjoyed the experience but still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. My Junior year of high school I took a severe beating by a group of guys so I convinced my mom to let me sign up for the Navy and told the recruiter I wanted to go to Navy boot camp ASAP so I left three days after I graduated high school the next year.        I struggled in my first couple of years in the Navy.  I got better at fitting in and I made friends with a female Sailor and we started hanging out all the time eventually she introduced to me wife. The dysphoria got worse after I married and eventually I came out to her a couple years into our marriage. Eventually our marriage came apart a divorce was eminent then by the grace of God things changed  and we worked things out. At that point I was choosing the Navy; a job that I loved and was good at over authenticity, I had convinced myself that I could tolerate and live with the dysphoria. At this point my wife and I had endured four more deployments and the birth and death of our daughter.      By 2015 we had two more children  both had been diagnosed with ASD.  It was at that point that it just became extremely difficult for me to function and deal with everything on top of the dysphoria. My wife encouraged me and made arrangements for me to see a therapist, so I did and started to attend group as well.  Meeting other transgender people for the first time really changed my life because it gave me hope.       I was at 18 years in the Navy at that point and was very torn on what I wanted to do. I choose to stay Navy and endure.  I kept going to group and therapy when i could and  once the DOD changed the policy I started taking HRT.  Things never really worked out with coming out in the Navy or with medical just to many road blocks. I enjoyed being a Navy Chief so I continued on in my career.  The thing that caused me to move beyond the state of limbo was the two suicide attempts, barley surviving the second one. I held things together after that because I was so grateful just to be alive.        I retired from the Navy in 2020 and things didn't get better so I reached out to the VA for help.  They have been very helpful with the transition out of the Navy.  Along the way I stopped fighting with myself and made the decision to transition and start living full time.  For me it has made all the difference in my life.            Jamie
    • Kakileli
      Kind of. I always feel like my legs are the wrong shape, they look too feminine, they stop me from passing, they make me look like a girl, etc. Etc. 
    • Maddee
      Money.   And fear of making the wrong choices (which Drs, which types and order of procedures, etc)
    • KymmieL
      When I carry my purse. I usually just have my wallet, some makeup, my keys, and maybe some protection. That is about all I can fit in my purse.    
    • Linda Marie
      Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting. Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots. They said please come as you are. LM♥️  
    • AwesomeClaire
      I was never an alpha male either.  A couple things stopped me from transitioning. Mostly fear and shame. Fear of what people would do to me when they found out, and shame of failing as a man and not living up to others' expectations. Also, I had started losing my hair at some point in my 20s and then I was just like "oh, this is it then, there is no way I can do this." So, another main thing holding me back was lack of knowledge. As far as I knew, "transsexuals" were these weird people that got their stuff removed. Nobody even knew one. I didn't even know about ftm. I didn't know about good wigs even or hormone therapy. It was just me all alone, trying to figure out how to look like a girl, failing at it, and then sadly giving up. I didn't have the words or ability to express what was going on with me. I just knew I wanted to look like a girl, and for a while I tried to make myself look like the very feminine male characters from some video games, especially Dynasty Warriors. I really started experimenting more after coming out to family and some close friends as bi, I tried on a dress and heels for the first time with some friends and just loved it. But then the dark thoughts and fear started crowding in again and I felt what I was doing was ridiculous and wrong, so I quit. It would resurface many times over the years, especially if I got drunk or there was another guy around that I liked. November 2019, a year after my divorce, is when I got a very strong urge to pursue this again - I decided to do it right, I did the research, learned quite a lot, and made the decision to be the real me.
    • AwesomeClaire
      I hadn't had a Facebook account in over a decade. But, my friends in my gaming group were using Facebook groups and I felt I was missing out. A few months into my transition I had decided on Claire, so I started up an FB account. Part of this was intentional. I spent a lot of time and energy talking to my closest friends, family, and coworkers about my transition, explaining why I was doing it, my history, etc. So, rather than surprise more people and have to explain a bunch of stuff, I just put myself out there on FB and let people react as they may. I got an overwhelming amount of support, and it just felt good to get it out of the way and have everyone know about it. 
    • Teri Anne
      You look fab in polka dots Linda Marie. You always look so put together.
    • Willow
      Trying this again, the worry is alway lack of acceptance but it’s never as bad as you imagine.  My wife was my worst and she has given her concerns to God.  We are doing a whole lot better.   Purses, I don’t carry all that in my purse, but I will say after carrying one, I don’t understand why the MURSE never caught on.  I wear glasses in case you hadn’t noticed so a glasses case with my prescription sun glasses, or vice versa, lipstick, hair brush, keys, phone, a compact, I try to carry tissues but use them and don’t think to replace them, a face mask, and my wallet.  It matches the purse.  My wife makes purses and matching wallets out of different materials.  The one I’ve been using is cork.  But she makes quilted, foleather, and others and she usually manages a matching wallet. Sometime my wife and I want the same one and have to share.  Ok, I give in to her most of the time but I have a couple she made specifically for me.
    • Niamh
      While I fully understand that some of us may wish to limit who we "come out" to, I was getting frustrated that I had to work out everytime I posted on facebook who knew what. So on 31 March (transgender day of visibility) I decided to post my transgender status to all those who I had not up to that point informed.  I had feared a bit of a backlash from some of the right-wing family members who were my fb friends, but in fact all the responses I had to my post were entirely positive. One of my fb friends obviously decided to unfriend me (I had made a note of how many fb friends I had before the post), but as I've been unable to work out who that person was - it's clearly no big deal.  But the big plus is that I now know that I don't have to tiptoe around what I post in FB. I have maintained two separate FB identities as I am genderfluid, and I'll post appropriate updates in my male and female FB pages accordingly. I did however invite my male FB friends to "friend" Niamh if they wished and a significant number did.   So I fully understand your desire to not have to hide your identity from anyone - it lifts a big weight from your shoulders and I hope that going forward that your family accept how you are even if they are not supportive.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...