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Such a lonely life


Mia Marie

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Mia Marie

 I have been feeling more alone lately. I feel even more alone each time my dad says bad things about someone who is not straight. Makes it harder and harder to know soon enough I will have to tell him and it scares me something fierce to think it will go extremely bad. My coming out to him now could put me on the homeless list and I can't deal with something like that. My bills keep going up so money for my own place is still a little out of the question. It seems like the more I try to get things going right, the harder some things get.

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Jackie C.

That has to be hard. My mother does not approve of my trans-ness or my gay-ness ("It's a phase." "You just have low T." "You're confused!") and if I was in a similar situation to yours I would definitely be out on the street. Dad was surprisingly OK with it, but she dominates and manipulates him on the regular. Fortunately, I was financially independent and living on my own long before I came out.

 

You might be pleasantly surprised if you come out. Like I've said though, I prefer to hope for the best while planning for the worst. Maybe your own place is a little ambitious. Your own place with one or more roommates might be more affordable. Maybe a friend lets you crash for a bit while you get back on your own feet. Maybe you just live in your van for a while (I'm assuming you have a van in this scenario), until your bills are under control again. The point being that you need a way to move forward. Maybe it's just a little bit but progress towards our goals are important for our mental health. Good luck!

 

Hugs!

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Mia Marie

The problem is I don't have Transgender friends here and I have sport trac which is ans suv/pick up. Not a  lot of room for anything like sleeping. When I used the term here I was talking bout here in Texas. At least not who I could consider friends in the way true friends are supposed to be. I was hoping to see about going to a couple of group meetings before the "plandemic" happened and screwed everything up. I think I could have possibly created some possible close friends but things didn't come to be.

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Delcina B

Mia Marie I saw in your other post you've started HRT. I'm proud of you for being strong enough to start making the changes you must to be you, in spite of the consequences that might happen. I'm just beginning this journey & not sure what lies ahead in my family relations as I progress. I like to think things will work out the way they're supposed to as long as we persevere.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

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AwesomeClaire

Is there someone you could room with? Another option is to rent a room from someone's house. I got out the house because I met a couple thru our D&D game group, turned out they had a spare bedroom so I offered them 300 bucks a month for it, I was just working part time at a gas station. I did that for a year until I was able to actually get out on my own.

Find some interest groups, do some zoom meetings to help with the loneliness. Reading fiction can help too. I don't I think I would tell your dad until you are in a safe place to do so.

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Mia Marie

To be honest, it would do me no good to rent a room since I have too much stuff as it is, I am a gun owner and licensed to carry and I have not heard of any places just renting a room to people who are transgender around here. Now on the side of having the money to put some down payment on a house, that could happen, yet I would need the possibility of a waiting room mate before I could even think of getting started with a purchase and also the person or 2 would have to have a small deposit in my hand and be willing to sign a contract of monthly payments. Coming across someone or 2 like that is hard. It has become hard to trust someone will pay when companies do their best not to hire trans people as workers and usually try to force them out so not to put themselves in legal situations that could cost them big.

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LusciousTheLock

I found the best way to make friends, any friends has been work. Don't get hung up on trans friends (I don't know any others either). I discovered that if you get to know someone through work, get good at your job, then they are willing to look around "boundaries" to keep you. People are people, trans or not.

 

I was made homeless at 16, slept on the street for a fortnight until I got my first wage packet. I wasn't trans at that point, but knew I was different. But I worked to fit in as best I could. I started as a manual street sweeper, past my driving test, so started driving road-sweeper's and vans. promoted to the charge-hand, promoted to the supervisor, later became the manager. I worked in the same job for twenty years and made some fantastic friends who have all stuck by me as I came out to them, thinking I had hid myself so well all those years, they told me "Well you always were F*king odd"!

 

Don't be afraid to walk away though. If people don't want to speak to you, then they don't have to. Including family. But concentrate on making yourself independent. I used to deliver takeaway at one time, back when I was in my late teens for some extra cash. It was only delivering, but I still see and speak to old regular customers now and then and that was over twenty years ago!. Get yourself seen, get yourself known. Become approachable. People may not understand us, see us as freaks or entertainment, but when I'm seen walking my dog round the park, I'm just a happy person in the park saying "Morning!" and that's how conversations start. 

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AwesomeClaire

Yeah I have a few trans friends but they are mostly online, I have 1 trans friend that is within 30 miles of me and we don't talk much. Most of my friends are cis/LGBTQ+ allies.

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Mia Marie

  For me making friends is never easy. It never has been throughout my 51 yrs on this life. Before i realized my true self, I tried to talk to people only to be ignored and sometimes blocked for no reason other than being asses.

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AwesomeClaire

Ok, don't give up, you'll find the right people eventually, it isn't easy for me either, it took me a while (years) to finally find some groups - I found local board game and book clubs (and they still offer these virtually) so I have met some great friends that way. My super close trans friend I met in another FB group, she posted and I saw some common interests and struck up a conversation, I can't believe how close we have become despite living 1,500 miles apart.

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