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Really on the Edge


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My life history is one of hanging on to jobs for dear life, even one's I ought to leave.  This is because for some reason job search is always a nightmare for me for me for some reason.  Before my last job, I had no real skills.  I worked in labor jobs, and in security  before that.  I went to school and was able to get enough IT education to get into the work place before my money ran out.  After a nightmare of a struggle which plunged me into deep depression, I landed my first IT gig.  At that time, it seemed everyone wanted 3-5 years experience to even be considered for a job.


I worked at the job for four years, starting out giving tech support over the phone.  I distinguished myself.  I became a Subject Matter Expert (called "Smeee").  I was the go-to for the executive response team who were dealing with issues directed at the upper echelon of leadership.  I won prestigious awards for my contributions.  I contributed to the company's customer-facing and internal knowledge bases.  The company however started outsourcing its tech support to cheap overseas labor (much of which has no sense of results, only process), and I was laid off in November.


With my resume, I should be snatched up quickly, but...  Idk.  I was just going to start the legal name change process after the first of the year, so my name is still my "male" name.  Legally, I have to sign paperwork as that name, and of course all my work history etc. is tied to that name.  While my voice work has progressed a long way, I am still not where I need to be.  I pass okay in public.  I don't get weird looks anyway.  Is being trans preventing me from getting a job?  Can't be helping me.


It seems like so many jobs posted online are jobs I'd be qualified for, except they want experience in some specific technology or system, sometimes even unrelated to IT.  It's like I could get a job of if I had all my current qualifications plus be an expert medical coder or have experience with the operation of some obscure medical equipment or whatever.  It almost as if the job market has changed so that normal IT jobs just don't exist anymore.


I tried signing up for Uber and ran into a brick wall.  That shouldn't be that difficult.


I thought about monetizing my blog.  I've run into road blocks right and left with that.


My roommate allowed our high speed internet to get turned off due to financial struggles.  Most of the jobs I am applying for are work from home right now, so that takes a ton of jobs off the table right there.


I've managed to keep my spirits up until the internet got shut off, and I just tanked.  I've been depressed.  I spend most of my time in bed.  I am about ready to be done.  It seems like the deck is stacked against me yet again, and job hunting always frustrates me, leaves me feeling inadequate, and like I do all the right things to just get slapped in the face.  I can't see a way out of my current situation, and I am probably looking at homelessness.  I am physically unable to be homeless.  Just going to Walmart wipes me out for two days sometimes.  It just seems really not worth it to keep fighting.

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

You noticed that too? The trend in IT right now seems to be gig work. There are some help-desk options too but... honestly...


I have a long history in IT. I'm very good at it. The thing is, I hate myself when I do it. The person I turn into is an absolute bitch. I retrained. Twice. I have a certificate in character animation... which I got just in time for the market to disappear from this area. By this time next week I'll be an RBT working with autistic kids. The pay is a step down, but if I'm going to work to make somebody else rich, I'd rather that the work matters.


The point being that there are always options. Sometimes they're not optimal. Yes. You're right. Being trans will matter for some employers. Not most of them, but sometimes you'll run into a bigot. Of course that's true with whatever you want to do in life. There is always potential to run into a bigot who runs you off the tracks. If being trans was easy... well, I don't know how that would work. I'm having trouble with coming up with an easy version of dysphoria. I mean what would that even be like?


Uber shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I can't Uber, but my car is older than some of my friends. I get "sign up for Uber" offers all the time. You might also consider Social Security disability. It can take a while to process, but if you've been employed at some point in the last ten years and you can't find work in your field you're entitled to disability. After all, you paid into Social Security, that money is yours. I guess what I'm getting at is that whatever you're dealing with, it's only for now. You're a strong, independent woman. You can get past this.




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Jackie C, what a Timely post for me. I have been struggling with depressive thoughts and loneliness. that is a great reminder of "this too shall pass".

Thank you



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  • Forum Moderator

Over the years, from time to time, I have been in that position. I remember going for jobs and being told at the interview that 'You don't want this job do you?'. In my mind was 'No I don't!'. It was still experience though, if only for interview technique, and did help with my thinking. I think the over-riding thing I remembered though was that there were times I had nothing and I survived. There is always a future. The last job I had was also my longest. I had applied for three different positions in the same department and started on a temporary contract in a post that was created, probably as I showed such drive and interest. I was academically qualified but had no clinical experience which went against me. I think, looking back, that it was my nature as a rebel which helped so well. Really going for anything did not really work as I knew where I wanted to be although it didn't feel like it at the time. I remember my grandma saying 'You will get something'. She was so 'matter of fact' that I believed her. Really down to earth. I was the 'professional student' quite a bit, back in those days. At college as much as work, but steady progress all the time. Just doing something, even if only a little and maybe somewhat abstract, can still help to progress.


I think many people have similar backgrounds. Difficult periods when things don't go right. There is the British saying - keeping a 'stiff upper lip'. It also makes me think of the marines fighting their way across Japanese held islands in WWII. Steady progress with an aim in mind. There is light at the end of the tunnel even if it seems too hard to bear now.



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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
8 hours ago, Jocelyn said:

Thank you


You are most welcome. That's from my favorite musical. I try to see it whenever they're in town.



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First and foremost (!) please do not do anything rash! In the most dire of situations there is always hope. Oddly enough your situation is so severe that you can see the bottom and still you go on, this shows a lot of strenght and resolve!


Many of us are in similar situations, nobody is unaffected by this awful pandemic. I finished my masters degree in June 2020! Perfect timing for... oh... doors closing, loss of opportunities... even "temp" work and stuff I am overqualified for are not really around just now. Every time I put in a proposal to continue my education I do it along with up to a hundred or so others, and 1% odds isn't "super." So here I sit, as you, looking at needle in a haystack jobs that seem to expect us to be some sort of immortals with several hundred years of experience in ultra rare areas of science and technology so we can somehow better drive their delivery vans!

As far as being transgender goes, it is (in my thoughts) a 50/50 thing. Some companies and businesses are going to just be like "not a chance" and come up with any number of reasons (conveniently) unrelated to your trans-ness. On the other hand, some companies will welcome the diversity (if only for PR reasons), and almost be glad to hire us. And then, of course, there are those people and companies who are actual alllies or just don't care.

One last thing. It is not "easy." But try not to let the world dictate who and what you are. (the world never seems to get it right anyhow!). Fluff it up when you are interviewed, don't lie, but don't belittle yourself or your accomplishments either!

Good luck (to us all really...!)


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