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Hsarandos

Hi all! My child 11 years old came out a few months ago (F to M). I’ve been very supportive and proud even that he has felt comfortable enough to come out to me so young. We consulted with the doctor, got set up with a psychologist to move in the direction of puberty blockers and such. Ive gotten him a new wardrobe, cut his hair, purged all things girl from his room. I’ve been on board for everything until he came up with a preferred name and it’s like me and his dad have hit a brick wall. I didn’t expect something seemingly as small as a name would be my “issue”.  My child doesn’t have a “girl” name, it’s actually a gender neutral name that is more often used for boys, a famous football player even. But instead he wants to be called Xi by everyone, teachers, us, family etc.

 

He’s my oldest and I remember how excited I was to pick his name. I spent HOURS combing websites, books, my brain, making lists. I see it as a gift of love that me and his father gave him when he was born and it upsets both of us that he wants to change it. If it was a girl name I would understand but it’s a boy name too, so what to do?! I’m not a fan of my name either but I understand my parents picked it special for me so I’d never change it eventhough I’d prefer something else.
 

Im also concerned because he is so young, what he likes now might not be what he likes later in life and it’s not practical to have to keep changing his name. I told him this and asked him to just sit on the name for a while and revisit in a few months to see it that’s really what he wants. I tried suggesting Xi be a nickname his friends use but that was a no-go. He wants everyone to use Xi.  It’s been our only but constant battle with him. Even if I come around, his dad will be harder to convince. 😕

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Salutations @Hsarandos! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

So your son wants to be called Xi. That's the name that he thinks fits him the best. He likes it. He wants to be called Xi. Go for it. If he decides he wants to change it later, that's OK too. I didn't go with my first choice, but it's not really a big deal.

 

I think you're getting a little hung up on all the work you did to name your son. The thing with names though is that we hang them on someone before we really get to know them. Sure, you know your son fairly well (at least it seems like that, kudos for being supportive parents by the way) now, but how well did you know him when he was just born? Heck, you thought he was a girl!

 

His reluctance to go with his given name could be bad feelings because he associates it with being a girl. Sure, it's unisex, but when he wore it, it was while he was pretending to be a girl. He might not want the reminder. The time we spend pretending to be the gender everybody says we are hurts and your son might just want a clean break. I'm not saying you have to change it in the Official Records just yet. Let that ride for a while until he's sure. If that's the name he wants going forward as your son though? Call him Xi. Being trans is stressful enough, he needs your love, acceptance and support. It sounds like you're on the right track. Keep up the good work!

 

Hugs!

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I'm probably old enough to be your childs grandparent, but I'm going through some questioning about how to address my own legal name. I wonder if the solution I'm thinking of for myself may be appropriate for your child. I'm not sure if the same rules apply to official/registered names in USA (I'm in UK), but why not legally ADD your child's new name to their registered name. I have many friends and family who choose one of their first names to be known by. My Mother in Law for example has always be known by her 2nd registered name.

 

If you were to register your child's new name as their first but retain their original name as a second would this compromise work for you both?

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Hsarandos

@Niamh funny you mention that but that’s exactly what my child suggested last night as far as adding Xi as his first name and bumping his original name to his middle name! But I think @Jackie C. is right, for the moment don’t need to change the official papers yet until later on. Give him time to make sure he likes that and wants to keep it. And it makes total sense to me that he would want a clean break. I’ll ponder this for a while and try to wrap my head around accepting it. The smile on his face if we do is enticing though. And you’re of course right that he’s going to have enough stress in his life, why get hung up on something that could so easily make him happy. ❤️ I need this forum to help put things in perspective for sure so thank you both tremendously!

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