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Hiya peeps :)  So, here in the UK we've essentially been on lockdown for the past 12 months, meaning all the shops are shut. Also meaning all the laser hair removal shops are shut. This has been traumatising. Nothing sets off a good bout of dysphoria like a nice beard in the morning!


At Christmas, after dressing at home and weekends for the past twelve months, essentially full time, I came out at work. I work with and around 200-300 people face to face as a Transport Manager, so my transition has become very public. Everybody has been polite and respectful using my new name and gender pronouns. However, It makes me feel terrible. I feel like a fraud, with makeup hiding beard all the time. I feel we're all playing make-believe with people calling me She/her. Maybe being forced to do so? Is it normal to feel this way?



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Jackie C.

Early on? Yeah. It takes a minute for your mind to settle into the idea that you're where you're supposed to be. The dysphoria monster keeps telling you that you're a fraud and that sends you tripping down the steps into a death spiral. It is very much a fake it until you make it situation. I misgender MYSELF sometimes. It gets easier with time though. Your new identity takes precedence over the one you wore for so long. When I feel like a fraud, I revel in something girly for a while. A romance novel, treatment, dressing hyper-femme for a bit, whatever. Just to remind myself how much I love being who I am.



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I'm sorry that you feel terrible. I'm not trying to downplay that in any way when I say: If you decided on purpose to show up to work in a full beard, it wouldn't make any difference to your being entitled to courtesy and kindness regarding your pronouns and gender. How you look and present no doubt matters to you, but it should not matter to others. What matters is how you request to be addressed, and it's nice to know people have been respectful to you. Take a cue from them and be respectful of yourself during times like these when you can't appear the way you wish you could.


That having been said, admittedly, like Jackie C., I also misgender myself, and it's hurtful, and I don't even know how much damage I'm doing because it's insidious and pervasive. So, I'm not trying to say this situation isn't bad for you.


Also, are people being forced to be polite? Maybe. If so, maybe it's good for them. Who cares? Not that your transition is about them, but at some point they're going to have to deal with others in this situation, or maybe even themselves. You needed to come out anyway for your own self-actualization, so I'm not saying you had any obligation to be some kind of beacon for trans people--but--now you are anyway! How would you want another worker in your position to be treated?


The coworkers whose pronouns and names match their societally expected appearances are also entitled to politeness, it's just that theirs is already part of a cultural habit. Like everyone else, you're trying to break that habit in yourself, or you wouldn't feel like a fraud. But you're not a fraud.

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Thanks peeps :) I suppose its just a wobble on my part. I'm just used to acting so confident all the time in front of people, it gets kind of tiring, and I start to slip and let my anxious side show momentarily. Its been a long week. Onwards and upwards lol :D

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Maid In Bedlam

Reminds me of a certan lyric from The Who which goes "Here comes the new boss. Same as the old boss.


You are still the same person in essence.


I would say your overthinking it


What would surprise me more is people have not slipped and said he or him a few times. Its just human nature and being repetitive. Human beings are creatures of habit.


Could i recommend a gilette Mach 3 turbo? The one with the wiggling stem. Great for those little buger hairs that dont seem to want to be gone. Yes we all have some that got missed in the first wave.


My hats tipped to you. Coming out to 200. I worked in transport for a while and know what most are like. Bacon sandwich and beer types But you, Just like that then keeping your sanity is some going. You have gonads. Pardon the pun



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Quite a few have said "That takes balls" lol. 

Well most of my drivers are mad Tarmac'ers. We're a highway maintenance company, so not the softest and gentlest of folks, but I've had no problems and everybody has been supportive. I've even been taken back with a few "You look nice today" comments. I kinda look back to see if they're serious or not, but it seems genuine enough :)


I'm always on the lookout for a good razor, so will give the mach3 Turbo a look. At the moment I'm using a single blade Gillette for my face (Its the bit under my nose I always struggle with anything bigger) and some sort of tripple bladed thing for my body. Might even be a Tesco own brand, they work well, just not in the nooks and crannies :D

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