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Let's talk self doubt


Myles97

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Charlize

That is fantastic.  Take that well earned deep breath and relax.  Time may bring changes as everyone gets through your revelation but you have made a big step and deserve a bit of rest.  Fantastic!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Myles97

Thank you everyone for being along this journey with me so far. I really needed y’all here to help me process through the craziness that was this morning. I love you all so much, and I am finally feeling some relief and affirmation. I hope this continues and that my mom doesn’t regress. 

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KathyLauren

Wow!  I was all set to post a "fingers crossed" message as I caught up on the posts.  But now I get to post a "congratulations"!  That is awesome that your sister and mother support you!!

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LusciousTheLock

Congratulations!  Good work :D

 

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AgnesBardsie
5 hours ago, Myles97 said:

Thank you everyone for being along this journey with me so far. I really needed y’all here to help me process through the craziness that was this morning. I love you all so much, and I am finally feeling some relief and affirmation. I hope this continues and that my mom doesn’t regress. 

They should put this in the dictionary under the definition of courage! 
 

After you breathe remember to smile!

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Myles97

@AgnesBardsiethank you!!! I’m trying to breathe and enjoy the moment without worrying about anything that is ahead! 

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Confused1

Congratulations Myles. So glad you found support from your family!

 

Hugs,

Mike

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Msecret

I have yet to begin any type of public transition due to uncertainty and fear. I'm glad to hear that you have found acceptance from family. What you did was brave. 

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Linda Marie

Self Doubt. The feeling of failure, then, the feeling of failure again.

And then that doesn't even come into play again...then you wake up, here I go again, I'm somebody.

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Myles97

Thank you folks!!! Support from you all is definitely what gave me the courage to do it. I am so very happy!!!! I still have a long way to go on my coming out journey, but I will say my self doubt has decreased a good bit now that I have received so much validation from my immediate family and friends. I think my brain was questioning itself so hard to try and convince me that it wasn’t worth taking the risk of coming out. 

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Definitely @Myles97, self doubt is common. Let's face it; Dysphoria, euphoria, and certainty are emotions and all emotions ebb and flow. When we feel the emotions we "know", when we don't we doubt ourselves. This is probably a good time to plug Dr. Z PhD's latest video that actually covers the topic of self-doubt, coincidentally. 😅

 

Jesus, @Jackie C.! If I could recreate my personal timeline as accurately as you I'd probably have transitioned ages ago! 😆

 

On 3/5/2021 at 12:51 PM, Jackie C. said:

12 yrs. - "Oh no. My D&D character has inadvertently put on the belt of gender bending

Did this playing a MUD in my early 20s in University. A school mate told me to stop being weird and take that leather bikini armor off my character as well, the weirdo! Didn't he know that it felt great?! Didn't he recall that I played a female character on another game before then (I made a YouTube video regaling this event in my life)? It's so tiring having others police your behaviour and "save" you....

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Betty K

Hey @myles, congratulations on coming out to your family. I can't come out to my parents because my mum is dead and Dad has dementia but I have recently come out to my sister and she has been hugely supportive, so I can imagine how great that must feel.

 

Also thank you so much for articulating these thoughts about self-doubt. I am beginning to feel that the mainstream view of what it means to be transgender is still way too binary for me. I don't feel I'll ever suddenly just "realise I am a really woman" and was a woman all along, but I don't feel that should exclude me from treatment just because I'm not so certain of my gender identity. I feel my gender is far more fluid than that.

 

I'd also say, though, that I don't think this fetish for certainty is confined to mainstream views of transgender issues. I have encountered it before and it always irks me. Think of politics: so many people seem to believe and trust the politician who shows certainty over the one who shows self-doubt, or doubt of any kind. Uncertainty is seen as weakness. But I believe the opposite. Uncertainty shows a willingness to listen to all sides of an argument, a willingness to learn. The world needs more uncertainty!

 

So yeah, I'm with you all the way.

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  • Posts

    • Confused1
      Kymme,   I have to agree with Willow. Remember the neighbor on "Home Alone? As hard as it is, we have to be the ones that educate.   My daughters seemed good when I first came out to them, but then backed away. I had to initiate the conversation with one of them which caused the other one to come to me for much needed conversation/reconciliation.   Hugs, Mike
    • Transgirlkatie
      It is the only solution and I've determined it through living thru a year of covid. And even if things did go back to normal within a couple of months. Then there's the issue of the world ending in 10 years from climate change.
    • Shay
      @Jackie C. always get a smile with your verbiage.
    • Jackie C.
      Yes. I see my therapist every week and we talk about my issues in general. While she's not specifically a gender therapist, she's an ally. With her help, I've made great strides in going from an angry bung-hole to, well, me.   Hugs!
    • Taylor_The_Human
      Who is that in the mirror? Is that me..? No, oh no it couldn't be. For I'm a girl but is that who I want to be..? I don't even know who I am.  I frown yet in that frame I smile. This thought drives me insanely wild.  Is it me or is it not..? I cannot tell, everyone calls me her or she. But, what if that's not really me? What if I'm not a girl?  If I told them all these feelings would I still be apart of their world? Everyday the same old lie convincing myself to be her. I put a mask on as I pass those I love by grinning ear from ear. While entrapped is this boy, begging to have a walk outside. This charade is permanent I fear, unless someone sinister were to hear. I pretend and pretend that it's okay, As I watch myself fade away. Wear this, put that jewelry on. The same commands I hear and hear. While I always find myself in tears. No one cared no one did, so this "girl" committed. She had a plan, scary but true she killed herself to be the girl her family always wanted her to.  
    • VickySGV
      I wish I was seeing some numbers when they say "increase" but the heading is a bit misleading which I think our "concern trolls" will grab like a jelly doughnut.  In line with the study, my blood pressure has entered the "well controlled" stage that my medical team feels proud of.  It is good information for our doctors, but we need to keep it away from our H8ers.
    • KymmieL
      @Willow are suggesting that I be  an adult.  I don't wanna be a dult.  LOL.  I do agree with you.  I should just call.    Well good  new for my weekend.  My youngest is working days. So, its Kymmie time again.  Hopefully I will be able to get to my VA appointments. I will be going as Kymmie yeah.  Hope the stupid white crap stays away.    Hugs, Kymmie 
    • VickySGV
      Pornography, especially the pictures of women in the nude, and even involved in sex action do show nice looking women in them who are presented with overtones of sexuality. As part of my career in business law enforcement I met some of them from time to time.  The same women also modeled for "non-porn" magazines and looked just a good without the sexual connotation and were just as beautiful in clothing and just as interesting to me as role models in those cases as the porn.  Cis males are looking at them in either place with the sexual connotation, I was not.  A role model is only effective when the role is one you find you must take on and you get them AFTER you decide it is for you, even if it is slight and hidden from your conscious world.  Porn gave you some idea of how you want to be, but did not INFECT you with being Trans.
    • Natalie99
      Yes, you are right. Gender comes from deep inside. Thank you for your answer, girl!
    • Natalie99
      My dear, Please don't do it! Suicide is never a solution. Try to find something that gives you hope. A childhood dream, a hobby, anything that you can imagine and will make you feel less stressful. E. g. reading a book, writing a story or a poem, listening to or playing music, doing sport, cooking, watching movies series anything. I know that it is really hard to fight these thoughts and depression. But it can be better! Sometimes life is a roller coaster, but you will eventually go upwards. Control your life, don't let your thoughts control you.
    • Mary Jane
      yay! 🙂 and I'm not necessarily more outgoing online but i am less shy and your welcome ^^
    • Taylor_The_Human
      Yeah, I agree It usually feels awkward sometimes..! I'm hoping it won't here though. I'm 14, but soon to be 15, I'm really shy usually, but it doesn't always seem so when online. I've tried making friends before but they've all turned out to be people I shouldn't associate with or just weren't great people... I agree a relationship of ANY sort requires effort from both people. If anything I'm more outgoing online but that's the only difference between how I interact in person. 🙂 And I'm will to get to know you if that's cool. Thanks!   -Taylor.
    • Mary Jane
      we could be friends im 17 now by the way and me too for being shy i dont seem like it now but i am and im typing here because for everyone ive tried and gotten a friend (3 times) its never really felt like an actual friendship maybe some kind of friendship but in comparison for how it feels, my current real life best friend VS every other wellll every other has felt like weaker and its never really worked out that long   Im also typing here because I've tried before but all the other people dont even try back and a friendship needs both people working or is it really a friendship? for me no even if its online only, which ive found most people usually treat it differently than real life but i try to not treat it differently
    • LusciousTheLock
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    • JustKate
      I think you have to look at it from another perspective and your thoughts.   Would a cis guy see attractive women in porn and think "I could be a woman"? I mean I'm sure they have some sexual fantasies about being a lesbian for a day. But, when all is said and done, they want to be a man.   I do know that quite a common fantasy amongst the trans women I know before they transitioning was to be a "sissy" and liked porn like that.   Do I think it could change someone's gender impression? Maybe at surface level, but deep down, cis people want to be cis even if they have periods of time where they are influenced by outside issues.
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