Jump to content
🏳️‍🌈 June is Pride Month ×
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What Finally Triggered you to Transition


Recommended Posts

Betty K
15 hours ago, Maddee said:

Something mostly intangeable happened between me and a young woman.

 

Your story is so intriguing Maddee -- I want to know more! It sounds like a magical and once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. It reads a bit like a poem or a treatment for a film. Haunting!

Link to post
  • Replies 74
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Shay

    19

  • Tasha Marie

    12

  • Jackie C.

    6

  • Betty K

    5

Betty K
On 3/8/2021 at 2:47 AM, Tasha Marie said:

but it was everything else I lost my job I had no money

 

Hi Tasha Marie. I totally feel this. I am at a similar point now: for practical reasons (lack of money, lack of a home, lack of support network) transitioning may have to wait. It's pretty scary. It was scary enough deciding that I might want/need to transition in the first place, but deciding to wait and put Betty back in the closet sounds just as scary.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Tasha Marie @Betty K hang in there ladies. I am a believer in the saying that it is darkest before the dawn and I sense you are there. Hang in there and you will gain your reward.

Link to post
Betty K

@Shay honey I sure hope so. I do feel things looking up lately, but I have a ways to go yet. x

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

You will make it. You are much stronger than you know.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Charlize

I never thought it could be possible for me to be myself.  While i was out and about as myself and visited with several friends, full time seemed impossible.  I felt i had too much to loose.  I guess if i had nothing i would have been scared as well. 

What finally got me to pull that trigger was stopping for gas on the way to a support meeting.  Fate stepped in and i man who had worked on the farm saw me and came over to talk.  He is one of the biggest gossips i know.  I made the plunge the next day and never looked back.  His seeing me was a terror but maybe the best thing that has  ever happened to me.

The final trigger was  pulled.

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to post
Tasha Marie

@shay. Thank you. Trying to stay positive.

Link to post
Tasha Marie

@Betty KIt is hard for sure. I think though if we set little goals along the way at least we are making some progress and smiles it surely will help. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Tasha Marie @Betty K Little Goals - wise words - the ladies here have shown me time and again that all 3 of us are making progress - more than we believe ourselves. The term the like to use is "INCREMENTAL CHANGE." I try to do something little each day to make me feel like I'm progressing. It is hard and many days feel like backward steps or at least no steps - but even those further you in your knowledge of yourself and things to work on.

Link to post
Red_Lauren.

It was a snowball of things. Covid hitting and allowing more me time. Which allowed me to find a new career soon. Being worn out physically and mentally from my job. Among other reasons. The biggest ones so far. Had to be a friend getting stage three breast cancer, and finding supportive friends. Every thing all happened in less then 6 months. 

 

My friend's cancer was mostly the main reason. She is only 42 at the and made me realize how short life can be. She's fine now, and beat it. My friend's were a close second. With out the support of them. I doubt I would be doing it.  

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

She's fine now, and beat it.

 

I'm glad your friend is OK. My wife had breast cancer a couple of years back and I spent the entire treatment period being terrified.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Red_Lauren. glad your friend is now a proud cancer survivor and I'm glad you found support (extremely important) and most important I am glad you took the step. Congrats.

Link to post
Red_Lauren.
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I'm glad your friend is OK. My wife had breast cancer a couple of years back and I spent the entire treatment period being terrified.

 

Hugs!

I probably wasn't as bad if it would have been my old lady, but I was worried about her and her kids. I tired to support her the best I could, but I also knew I wasn't part of the girls club yet. I kind of let her cis friends, and family support her the most. When I would see her. We never really talked about her cancer a whole lot. I didn't ignore it, but I still treated her like a person. When we would see each other. We would just talk, and make each other laugh.  

 

The ironic part was she has to take estrogen blockers for the rest of her life. In hopes the cancer doesn't come back. Which I didn't know till I told her in January I was transgender, and started taking hormones while she was on medical leave. we do chat about changes that could happen to us. Granted my changes might be a bit more dramatic, but we sorta have a new unknown between us now. I did joke about if she ever grew a mustache I would teach her to shave it. We both laughed at that. I told her if she ever feels different, and not sure why. To just text me, and see if I can help. As I do know a thing or two about how male hormones effect men. 

Link to post
Red_Lauren.
2 hours ago, Shay said:

@Red_Lauren. glad your friend is now a proud cancer survivor and I'm glad you found support (extremely important) and most important I am glad you took the step. Congrats.

It was either now or never. Im not big on taking life changing steps, but this one had to be done.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
11 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

The ironic part was she has to take estrogen blockers for the rest of her life. In hopes the cancer doesn't come back. Which I didn't know till I told her in January I was transgender, and started taking hormones while she was on medical leave. we do chat about changes that could happen to us. Granted my changes might be a bit more dramatic, but we sorta have a new unknown between us now. I did joke about if she ever grew a mustache I would teach her to shave it. We both laughed at that. I told her if she ever feels different, and not sure why. To just text me, and see if I can help. As I do know a thing or two about how male hormones effect men. 

 

Oh, she had the estrogen-eating marker too. It was the same with my wife, but she was already post-menopausal so they just let it go. That's actually caused a bit of friction with us because I can have estrogen and enjoy the benefits while she gets the hot-flashes.

Granted they put her through menopause twice while they were treating her endometriosis so she knew what to expect, but it makes her sad.

 

Hugs!

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

@Red_Lauren. and @Jackie C. I wish both wives well. Theirs are tough lives to live in many respects and I know they have loving partners and that is good news for them. 

Hugs.

Link to post
Red_Lauren.
6 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh, she had the estrogen-eating marker too. It was the same with my wife, but she was already post-menopausal so they just let it go. That's actually caused a bit of friction with us because I can have estrogen and enjoy the benefits while she gets the hot-flashes.

Granted they put her through menopause twice while they were treating her endometriosis so she knew what to expect, but it makes her sad.

 

Hugs!

She said it has put her in early menopause her self. I feel bad for her in many ways, and I feel like crap my self. Because im taking the same hormones that almost killed her, and took away her breast.  While see gets to see grow breast, and see all the benefits. I know she's excited for me, and to see me change. I just worry that it might trigger some thing in her down the road. Which I don't want to do. I can also bet this. She will probably be the first person that hounds me about getting a  mammogram in a few years. 

4 hours ago, Shay said:

@Red_Lauren. and @Jackie C. I wish both wives well. Theirs are tough lives to live in many respects and I know they have loving partners and that is good news for them. 

Hugs.

I don't have a wife. I have a girlfriends, but its complicated right now. Not because of me being trans.  

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

She said it has put her in early menopause her self. I feel bad for her in many ways, and I feel like crap my self. Because im taking the same hormones that almost killed her, and took away her breast.  While see gets to see grow breast, and see all the benefits. I know she's excited for me, and to see me change. I just worry that it might trigger some thing in her down the road. Which I don't want to do.

@Red_Lauren.- it's always human to think the best or worst case when thinking how others see things. But be rested assured - you personally should not feel bad that you get to take hormones and she can't. Each of you have different journey's and trials and tribulations - neither of your journeys are easy but if you both support each other that is the best you can do. Support her but don't feel bad because you are getting what you NEED. 

Hugs

Link to post
rainflower
7 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh, she had the estrogen-eating marker too. It was the same with my wife, but she was already post-menopausal so they just let it go. That's actually caused a bit of friction with us because I can have estrogen and enjoy the benefits while she gets the hot-flashes.

Granted they put her through menopause twice while they were treating her endometriosis so she knew what to expect, but it makes her sad.

 

Hugs!

What's the estrogen eating marker?

Link to post
Red_Lauren.
1 hour ago, Shay said:

@Red_Lauren.- it's always human to think the best or worst case when thinking how others see things. But be rested assured - you personally should not feel bad that you get to take hormones and she can't. Each of you have different journey's and trials and tribulations - neither of your journeys are easy but if you both support each other that is the best you can do. Support her but don't feel bad because you are getting what you NEED. 

Hugs

I think I feel so bad is because she was one of my first supporters., and she has kind of become the sister I never had. I know she dose support me. Judging by her reaction when I told her. She got all excited, and for the first time since I knew her. She gave me a big old hug. We do support each other. It just now easier for me to support her. As im part of the girls club now. I might not ever be a full fledged member, but supporting her will be easier now. I told her I was sorry I wasn't there 100% before, and that I didn't feel comfortable getting that close.  Because I was worried about her thinking I was trying to get in her pants. Of course me being the sarcastic person i am. I told her its not like I could fit in her pants anyway. We both laughed at that one, and she said I had nothing to worry about.  

1 hour ago, AwesomeClaire said:

What's the estrogen eating marker?

 From what I understand it a marker that you are a higher risk of certain cancer, and other things like diabetes. Both men and woman have these markers, and it can be found in people of all ages. 

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
2 hours ago, AwesomeClaire said:

What's the estrogen eating marker?

 

Basically, the cancerous tumor was biopsied post-surgery and it's genetics analyzed. It was found to have estrogen as one of it's growth triggers so no more estrogen for my spouse. Her cancer doctor has THE most punchable face I've ever seen in a medical professional (seriously, he triggers a visceral reaction in me to go SHULK SMASH!), but he was right to say, "We do not feed the cancer."

 

Hugs!

Link to post
Bri2020
On 3/7/2021 at 10:53 AM, AwesomeClaire said:

 So I found this Mary Kay and threw a pic in there and I almost cried. 

OMG- you just turned me on to the Mary Kay ap. It's amazing!  

Link to post
rainflower

Oh ok, thanks. Glad you found it useful Bri :)

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   13 Members, 0 Anonymous, 61 Guests (See full list)

    • MelanieTamara
    • Delcina B
    • Kasumi63
    • Benji C
    • GraceH
    • Torrence Kieran
    • VickySGV
    • Jackie C.
    • Katharina
    • Erica Gabriel
    • DeeDee
    • AmberM
    • MiraM
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      74,200
    • Total Posts
      686,264
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,443
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Torrence Kieran
    Newest Member
    Torrence Kieran
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Torrence Kieran
      Preface of saying: I experienced things like dysphoria and euphoria before this event starting at around 2nd grade. This took place in 6th.   This is an essay I wrote about it in 9th grade:     Panic is an understatement. Panic is the feeling when you’ve forgotten to turn in a homework assignment, or to do a project. This was stronger than panic. This was horror. Not the horror of sitting down to watch a scary movie, no, this horror is when you realize you are living in the movie. The moment when your world gets thrown topsy-turvy, dumping every last bit of comfort into an abyss that it can never be recovered from. The type of fear, horror, panic when you lose control. The moment when you find yourself curled up in a corner of your mind, because you don’t know what just happened. You feel the wound so deep you can’t admit to the pain or to being anything other than what you were before. It’s being pushed of a ledge before you were ready to leap. If you don’t know that feeling you should stop reading now. You won’t understand, and none of this will help protect you from it.   Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t be as trusting because of the experience, but I don’t feel anger anymore at what happened, just a dull ache of sadness. It still scares me yes, but I forgave them for what happened. It was a normal day. Probably a weekend... details like that were never that important to me. All I know is I had free time and wanted to invite a friend over. Most of my normal friends I invited over were busy, so I decided to invite someone who I’d known for a bit, let’s call him Noah, and his brother over to play video games. My mom was home, so I expected it to go over like any other play date. I was 11, I believe, at the time. My excitement was suffocating. To be honest, I liked Noah, a lot. He was my first big crush, and I trusted him. We   were the same religion so I assumed we shared standards and it would be fun, I even thought that by inviting his little brother I was protected as protected got.   Our house is a small rental home on Woods Chapel with a main floor and a basement. It’s an odd mustard yellow color with crumbling cookies for bricks and peeling wood paneling. A large tree stands in the front yard with branches precariously close to breaking. This had been my domain for a few short years, the safest and most protected place I could be at any time. I didn’t understand greed then, frankly I still don’t understand it that well. This was to be my first exposure to it. They arrived a few minutes later. His mother is a pleasant lady, tall with olive skin and laughing eyes. I liked being around her. She dropped them off, and then was gone. My mom sat at the poorly varnished kitchen table, I don’t know what she was working on, it was something that didn’t matter on this glorious day. I was overjoyed as I put in a racing game, that for copyright reasons I’m going to call Speed Demon. We only had two controllers, so only two of us were playing at a time. That went along for a bit and was fine. We laughed and joked, then we decided to switch to an active game in which only one of us could play at a time. I was sitting on the worn crimson sofa, still happy. Noah sat next to me as his brother began his turn.   At this point my play date went snowballing downhill. I remember the feelings. Pain, hurt, fear, but mostly, confusion. I didn’t know what was happening. This was the turning point for me, the difference between childhood innocence and knowing more than you ever wanted to know. He might as well as stabbed me in the back as what he did do. A part of me did die that day, but I don’t know what part it is yet.   Writing this is like trying to break through an iron wall. The world doesn’t have words to describe this. There is nothing like this feeling, and you can’t even begin to understand it until you feel it. I’ve never talked about it, the only other person who really knows it happened is my   mom, and I don’t need my friends to pity me. I don’t need people’s pity. Pity is what happens when someone admits they’re weak and need others to help them feel strong. I still feel strong. I don’t need pity.   Noah reached across from his seat, around my back. Strangely, I remember the shirt I was wearing. It was mint green, faded with the writing cracking off. It was at least one size to big, probably my sisters, and fairly simple in design. His hand stopped once it reached back around to the front and closed. It hurt, a lot. My mom didn’t see what happened, and I was too terrified to try and fight back. I was so confused, like a child who’s first pet had just died. I didn’t understand. I wanted to get away, but I didn’t know how.   Recently my mom talked to me about the third option from fight or flight. There is a third one, freeze. This is how I react to panic, confusion, and fear. Maybe if I responded with fight or flight, I would have a very different story to tell you, but I didn’t fight, I froze.   I couldn’t wait for his turn. He took his turn, and my mom sent me down to do laundry. Safe, I remember thinking. Thinking he wouldn’t follow me down into our basement, this was the second time I would be wrong. He came down the carpeted stairs, following me into the laundry room. I wanted to scream. I wanted the nightmare to end. To wake up and discover it was all just a bad dream. I tried to act normal, picking up the soaking clothes and moving them to the dryer. Why did it hurt so bad? Why was he hurting me? Why couldn’t he see I was scared, and in pain? Why couldn’t he just let go? Somehow, I finished moving the laundry, and started the dryer. We headed back upstairs. We. I wanted him to go! I wanted him gone!   We got back up and sat down on the couch. I picked up a small black DVD case and tried to use it as a barrier, then I tried hugging it to my chest. I’ve always been on the physically weak end of the scale, he quickly got it out of his way whispering to me, “Calm down. Just calm   down.” Calm? He wanted me to be calm? This man who had taken away my control wanted me to relax under his will? I looked up from my spot on the couch, hoping my mom would be looking up this time. At first, she wasn’t, then she met my eyes, taking it all in in a split second. “Mr. [Noah], I’m gonna need a little bit more space between you and my daughter.” She stated in a voice that managed to be both commanding, and kind. He backed away, and I moved to sitting on the floor.   I wish I could explain it all to his brother. He was so young and vulnerable, I don’t want him to think his brother is a monster. Noah isn’t a bad person, he’s just misguided. Sadly, his mistake ruined a friendship and carefully built trust. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I do believe I’m wiser because it did happen.   My mom hugged me tight after he left. Promising to call his mom, hoping it was just growing, and not realizing you can’t play with little girls in the same way you do with older girls. At the time I thought that was seriously what she believed happened. That she believed he had simple been roughhousing or play wrestling. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I believed it was something else, so I simply nodded, agreeing. Now, I know she knew exactly what had happened there and was hoping to protect me. I’m grateful for her effort to protect me. It took me a couple years to understand what made him do what he did. To understand that some people give into a desire that corrupts them, causing them to take advantage of others. Everyone could be subject to it. It doesn’t discriminate race, age, gender, or sexual orientation, it could be any of us who fall into its sick grasp.   In the end, it happened. There’s nothing more to this story. No big moral, no huge meaning for the rest of the world. Just something that happened to a kid in Blue Springs, Missouri. It could be any child. Any house, any “Noah”. It’s simply a memory.  
    • Kasumi63
      LOL. Thank you again, everyone, for all the sweet comments!  I’m on cloud nine (assuming that’s the right number)!
    • Kasumi63
      I just saw this movie! Loved it!
    • AmberM
      I think it came down to there was thing one thing that kept popping up that I new needed attention, and was harming me. So that is when I decided to start talking to my therapist about gender and asked the question of myself and to her, am I transgender. From there it has been a journey of self-discovery into who the real me is. I have historically dealt with pretty bad depression, and still combat social anxiety. The depression has become better, and the social anxiety has kind of gotten worse. Just learning though how to manage the social anxiety is becoming key. I am hoping my depression cycle this year that hits October won’t be as bad.  
    • AmberM
      The most interesting non-famous person I have met is honestly my paternal grandmother. She grew up in Columbus, helping take care of her siblings, but also cousins growing up. She took the bus from Dublin to downtown Columbus as a nurse and worked at Grant Hospital for a period of time. When she met my grandfather, they eventually both joined the American Red Cross. They lived a great many places as my grandfather work as a base liaison and she joined as nurse. They were stationed a great many places, from Maine, to Germany, to Panama. Eventually they set some roots down near Fort Lee in Virginia. She would occasionally be requested to go work up in Washington, DC. One of those times, she actually ended up doing a blood donation from Jimmy Carter. One of the other interesting things is because they have lived all around the world, during Christmas time, they decorate the house head to toe, with 9 Christmas Trees and they are up to 4 Christmas villages. Prior to COVID, they would throw parties, and admission was a donation of food to the food pantry.   With living this interesting life though, unfortunately she is now battling dementia, which is winning. I know she has lived a full life full of adventure and rewards. This is just her story.  
    • unknown
      self harm is self harm no matter what how it is inflicted. I used to cut and how I was able to stop was seeing a therapist and learning new coping strategies. It will take time and don't expect overnight results. the reasons you give for bruising yourself are the same reasons I used to cut for, to relive the emotions i didn't have to coping skills to deal with.  please seek help for this. it was a long road for me but it was worth it.
    • Jackie C.
      I always channeled them into art.   Hugs!
    • Shay
      @Red_Lauren. I love hearing about good memories thank you.   @Petra Jane what a refreshing and inspiring story. I am so glad you recovered and prospered from the meeting of another kind person.
    • Jackie C.
      And I'm usually just listening to my own pandora feed, but WNIC has some of the same music so that's where the radio's at. They're more mainstream, but they gotta sell ads.   Hugs!  
    • Shay
      Ok I used to listen to CKLW and Byron Macgregor. And my favorite FM station was WABX. They used to play LedZeppelin II full side.
    • Willow
      Good Sunday morning y’all    @KymmieL I had a Ranger in the nineties 2x4 long bed stick.  I enjoyed driving that.  But I lived where traffic jams were commonplace.  I also had a bad left knee.  My doc said no more clutch.  It was replaced by a Ford E150 conversion van.  Like driving your living room down the highway. Came in great for going to Florida to get our son in college.  Then came my first Jeep.  It was a Liberty.    we lived on a steep hill at the time.  One winter we had a pretty bad snow.  Now most of my neighbors had a 4x4 something Broncos, Toyota’s didn’t matter everyone  knew if you wanted to get up the hill in the snow you had to have one.  My son called me, he was stuck on the main road and the snow plow was coming. Could I try to pull him out.  I got in my Jeep,backed out on the hill and drove off.  Everyone of my neighbors just stared.  I got to him hooked up and started pulling. After we got home he tells me he forgot to take off his parking brake.  So nothing stopped that Jeep. And this one has the same transfer case and even better anti spin differentials. Not the Dodge setup they use in all the other Jeep badged Rams.  So while I like Fords, (my beater is an Explorer Eddie Bauer)! Nothing beats a Jeep unless it’s highly modified.   This one is named Tweetie.  I’m guessing that’s strike three, eh girlfriend? 🥰   hugs   Willow
    • Petra Jane
      Unfortunately, I am now unable to remember very clearly those famous people I have met, I know I met some of the Grumblweeds (a UK band in the 80’s), local personalities but the person who made the most lasting impression on me was the team leader of the Stoke team when I was hospitalised following a couple of strokes. she helped me come to terms with the way my life changed, having survived two strokes, her words, survived the weekend when the nurses didn’t think I was going to make it, and giving me the support I needed to not just survive but improve my life and my health afterwards. It was a delight to be able to return a few years later, meet her, and thank her for her support, and to be honest, show how much improved I was from the day I was discharged.
    • Teri Anne
      Love thrift stores and you never know what you will find. I collect military jackets and BDUs and I found a slant pocket insect repellent combat shirt. The pattern is more a woodland camo style. Need to do a bit of research into what branch wore the style of shirt.
    • Red_Lauren.
      Not really famous, but locally famous. I know a few local djs at a some what personal level. From when I worked in radio.    I also got to meet one of our local news anchors when I was a bouncer, and it didn't click who she was till I asked for a id. She was super nice, and we chatted for a few minutes. As I was getting her a voucher for a free ride home. A few days later. I was walking in to the gym as she was leaving, and she looked at me like she has seen me before. 
    • KymmieL
      WLLZ was 98.7 last I heard it was jazz in the early 90s. RIF has gone modern junk. I didn't know WNIC was still around. When I was feeling mellow, I would turn on pillow talk. for the slow romantic songs that I never got to dance to. I have WCSX bookmarked to listen to sometimes. They are a lot better than the canned crap we have here.  Then again that is why I have satellite radio in my Ranger and my wagon.   Kymmie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...