The point of no turning back

[Linda Marie]

No turning back.

All the dreams come out, now you can't turn back.

Now you are face to face with yourself, you think to yourself,

what have I done. Where do I go from here?

 

My no turning back was when I came out.

What was yours?

 

[Heather Shay]

I gave up hiding - after 50 years of depression, anxiety , panic attacks, anorexia, multiple therapists and gray market self-HRT - I finally said I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I TRY SUPERVISED HRT AND A GOOD GENDER THERAPIST. And that is what I did - I knew I was trans but denied it all my life asnd the previous therapist knew depression and anxiety but never went to gender dysphoria even when I was caught by my wife using gray market HRT. 

[Ivy]

Perhaps sitting in the clinic and signing on the dotted line… the informed consent papers.

[ValerieRun]

A few weeks into HRT and I just knew what I experienced and felt was a much MUCH better outcome than alternative. There is absolutely no way I would want or even consider going back of my own free will. Whatever future holds it will be another journey forward ?

[Astrid]

3 hours ago, ValerieRun said:

A few weeks into HRT and I just knew what I experienced and felt was a much MUCH better outcome than alternative. There is absolutely no way I would want or even consider going back of my own free will. Whatever future holds it will be another journey forward ?

 

Well said, @ValerieRun I remember having the exact same thoughts after getting underway with HRT.  Now I'm in my 16th month and still feel it's absolutely the right decision.  There's no way I would want to go back to how I felt before (there's nothing fun about being depressed and angry).  

 

Astrid

[Confused1]

Have not experienced HRT, but I am on ADT for prostate cancer. I have heard many prostate cancer survivors complain about it, but when the T was gone, I realized I never want it flowing in my veins again! Looking forward to having E in a few months! I am feminizing without added estrogen and will be getting surgery in a little over a month.

 

Mike

[SheenaT]

10 hours ago, Confused1 said:

Have not experienced HRT, but I am on ADT for prostate cancer. I have heard many prostate cancer survivors complain about it, but when the T was gone, I realized I never want it flowing in my veins again! Looking forward to having E in a few months! I am feminizing without added estrogen and will be getting surgery in a little over a month.

 

Mike

Exciting 

[LusciousTheLock]

I broke my leg around four years ago. The bone crumbled rather than snapped causing a curious doctor to run blood tests. The exact words by my doctor was "Less testosterone than a new born baby girl". I was prescribed testosterone gel and told "Come back and see me in one month and you'll feel like a new man!". I left the surgery, sat in my car and cried for the first time in 30yrs. I said out loud "I don't want to be a f*cking man!". I knew from that point I could no longer put those feelings back in the box and supress them. 

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, LusciousTheLock said:

"I don't want to be a f*cking man!"

Me either.

[Sabine]

For me it was the moment I stopped getting tripped up in the wording. I went from thinking "I want to transition," "I am trans-(anything)," "I wish I was..." to suddenly realizing I AM a girl! I always have been female. Never was I male! It changed virtually my entire outlook on my entire life, and looking back it made everything crystal clear. In short, it was the moment I stopped questioning myself; the moment it no longer became my business to defend myself.

Once I wiped that internalized transphobia out it kind of destroyed the closet with it. Oopsy! Oh well, out of the frying pan into the ... hey? this is a cooktop and it's not even hot!

S.

 

[KathyLauren]

For me, the moment of irrevokability was three or four weeks after starting HRT, when I started to feel the tingling of growth in my breasts.  At that point, I realized that this was really happening, that there was no turning back.  And I smiled at the thought.

 

At this point, if the blue meanies put a gun to my head and told me that I had to de-transition, I'd say not a chance.

[Britany_Relia]

The turning point... 

I was questioning for over 2 years because I'd been going through so many feelings, as I was trying to awaken myself to my spiritual journey.  As a part of that, I ended up having a friend who told me that she could feel how feminine I was empathically, and she kept supporting me.  I found out later she had a terminal disease and I wish that I could have been more supportive for her, but I think maybe she didn't need it.

She told me I was a girl, and that to find my way I would have to transition and recognize myself.  I kept fighting it off for months, and I wish I had just accepted it sooner so I could have told her she was right and shown her more of my true self that I've been finding. 

She was so important to me, such a beautiful friend... 

I finally accepted myself over time with some key moments having been the day I went home from work feeling dysphoric to the max, and being in my dress didn't help.  Right then I realized it was because I didn't have the right body to match how I felt. It was literally by wearing my own clothes that I realized that I wasn't supposed to be this way and I "decided" that I was going to transition.

It still took me quite some months to commit but I ended up on reddit discovering a place nearby that I could do informed consent, and I made an appointment.

Corona being a thing around that time, my appointment ended up having to be re-scheduled and I was able to start HRT in the middle of last year.

It was only after that that life finally started making sense. ❤️

With Love,
~ Brit

[Britany_Relia]

1 hour ago, Britany_Relia said:

The turning point... 
 

I almost forgot! When I had to make the appointment to start HRT via conformed consent, for a second time, that was when I was absolutely sure. All doubts were erased. 

I can't believe I forgot that most integral point...

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Britany_Relia said:

When I had to make the appointment to start HRT via conformed consent, for a second time, that was when I was absolutely sure. All doubts were erased. 

There's something about taking that first step.  It's crossing a line.

[Liam de potato]

I know it's dumb cus it's not big changes like physical but

Finding that one video on Youtube called "shhhhh if you watch this it'll turn you gay" as I'm someone quite found of bl (boy love, now I know why lul) I clicked on the video and my world shattered XD

It was an androgynous or NB person (ashamed to not remember lul) showing how to pass and that surprised me I was like "soooo you CAN be seen as the opposite gender??" and than bam done I watched thousands of other video and my whole life is gonna be different even my past seems different now

(for the curious, if they said it'll turn people gay is cus they were posing in male undies lul that's all it was Ash Hardell)

[Mia Marie]

On 3/8/2021 at 7:35 PM, Astrid said:

There's no way I would want to go back to how I felt before (there's nothing fun about being depressed and angry).

For me it was when I read a bunch of post and saw so many things that made me say " that was me too" and always wanting to find some magic spell that would change me into the woman I always new I wanted to be. I was never depressed and angry. I was depressed and lonely due the fact I was living in MS at the time. It took moving to TX and a few years to realize who and what I am. Best decision I ever made.

[rainflower]

After having these feelings of wanting to be female on and off over the years but being too afraid to act on it, I finally decided to get my thoughts and feelings about it sorted. I found some videos on YouTube that were very helpful in this. I decided I am 36, I am going forward with my dream of being who I really am and not looking back.

[Linda Marie]

Once out, always out. Does not matter if at home, I started at home, once you feel it, you can never turn it off.

I will never forget my first walk outside, the thrill, the inner peace I felt. I wasn't outside long, but that first breath of new air

was enough to change my life forever. 

 

[Davie]

Girls, you sure are courageous. Or maybe you were quite ready to transition. I’m not. I’m too new. A baby of two months. I may be non-binary but I’m too old to go through all that, right? No. 
Great discussion though. 
Thanks. 

Davie. 
PS: I think I just accidentally shaved my chest. Is that a thing? 

[Ivy]

9 hours ago, Davie said:

PS: I think I just accidentally shaved my chest. Is that a thing? 

It is for me.