I REALLY DON'T want to be trans today.

[Davie]

I really don't want to be trans today.

I really really really really really don't need this.

But after I say that, I feel so sad.

So I cry.

But I'm here.

Why am I here?

Because when I'm here, even while I feel so dislocated—so dislocated,

I also feel happy in a tiny but special way. In a way I've always wanted to be happy:

accepted, I guess.

First I must accept myself. 

I'm working on that.

Everyone here shows me such courage.

Thank you.

 

— David

[Carolyn Marie]

We've all felt that way at one time or another, David.  Being trans is not easy.  It is a constant struggle with oneself, with ones family, friends, business associates, classmates.  But it has its rewards, also.  One of those is finding community, sharing ourselves and our ups and downs with others, finding a shoulder to cry on, even if only virtually.

 

However you feel on a particular day, please know that we're here for you, to share in your dilemmas, your joys, your successes, your confusion and your heartache.  We know how you feel.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Carolyn Marie

[Heather Shay]

David - Carolyn Marie said so well what it means to be down and up - and know you are always loved here and I feel the same way and it is hard. Being here and coming here when I am down helps SO MUCH.

 

HUGS

[Jackie C.]

I don't think anybody in the history of the universe woke up and said, "Wow, I really want to be trans!" Life would be so much simpler if I was cis. Cheaper too.

 

But I'm not, so I do the best I can with what I've been given. 

 

Hugs!

[Davie]

Thank you, Shay, Jackie C., and especially Carolyn Marie.

Never thought I'd love an anonymous website like this one so much.

If sometimes being trans feels like falling into a well—you are not only the rope,

but you're the top.

 

Hanging in there,

-- Davie

[KayC]

On 3/16/2021 at 2:37 AM, Davie said:

First I must accept myself. 

That is a HUGE obstacle to overcome, Davie, but one that will ultimately open the way forward.  My therapist was an essential part of my self-acceptance.  Wishing you all the happiness you deserve❣️

[Charlize]

The great philosopher Kermit the Frog sang a song about how "It ain't easy being green".  Transgender folks regardless of how they first on the spectrum know that to be true.  Being different is difficult.  In my case i know it forced me into a life that was certainly different than i may have wanted.  When i found this site almost 9 years ago i was told by one of the mods that 
"I've got your back".

I'm glad you have found us here and can express yourself.  Having met several members over the years i know this is a caring group who understands me as few can.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[rainflower]

Don't focus on the unfairness of it. If you're trans, you're trans. Working on self acceptance and self love is a major step. Focus on what being trans means to you, what it does for you, and what you hope to do with it going forward.

[Red_Lauren.]

I felt that way many times before I started my transition. It has faded now to where I don't think about that. I have gotten to the point now that I don't feel confident some days. That even my friend's can notice.

[Davie]

I came out to my oldest and closest friend today. He was so accepting

and cool with it, I'm in shock. I fit it into my story, one he knows well, and

I didn't dramatize it so he thought it fit me as the me he's known all along. 

That there's a naturalness to my story seems comfortable to think about

rather than thinking of myself as some strange new being.

We two are more different than ever now—but closer.

Guess this is progress.

Lots to think about.

Thanks for holding my hand.

 

--Davie

[Davie]

On 3/15/2021 at 1:37 PM, Davie said:

I really don't want to be trans today.

I really really really really really don't need this.

But after I say that, I feel so sad.

So I cry.

But I'm here.

Why am I here?

Because when I'm here, even while I feel so dislocated—so dislocated,

I also feel happy in a tiny but special way. In a way I've always wanted to be happy:

accepted, I guess.

First I must accept myself. 

I'm working on that.

Everyone here shows me such courage.

Thank you.

 

— David

It's an ironic part of what I said above, but that first line— that's the first time I ever called myself trans. Ha!

Bumpy roads still get you where you want to go.

--Davie