Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi I'm Denise and I live in ct


Denise savulski

Recommended Posts

Hi I'm Denise, I'm 57 and I'm transgender. I've attempted  to seek help 5 times to transition but either I chickened out or I wasn't financially ready to start.

I've been married  for 21 years and 3 years ago my life was really screwed up.i was in therapy and I started to wear feminine underwear  and a bra to my appointment.  I was on my way again  then my wife found out and she was ready to kill me she said she married  a man not a woman and if thats what I really wanted  then leave and don't come back so I'm still dressing  as a man to this day

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Denise savulski said:

she was ready to kill me she said she married  a man not a woman and if thats what I really wanted  then leave and don't come back so I'm still dressing  as a man to this day

Ouch, Denise! That is a painful revelation. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Your story has a common theme here on this forum. There are so many questions that have to be answered for yourself before you can make your next big move. It sounds like you’re working through some of it with your therapist.

 

So a big question you need to know the answer to is whether your spouse serious about her ultimatum? If so, there are some really huge choices to make about your kids (if any), your home, your future together. If you want to keep everything status quo, then there are likely going to be serious ups and downs as you suppress, deny, and compartmentalize your life.  The secrets you’ll have to carry alone are heavy.

 

Is there any way to get you and your wife together in therapy? Maybe you can work on some compromises. She couldn’t know the possible damage to your future health, happiness and your mental state of being that you could experience with her continued non-acceptance. If through therapy and counseling she could learn of these, she might have the compassion to at least compromise, in time. Change like that is a long process. Many here on this forum are working to this end. There is a point at which you need to decide...Leave the family as-is and deal with the after effects or begin a new life as your true self. It’s a last resort that some are forced to make regardless. I hope you can find some compromise at minimum.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Denise,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Denise.  Welcome to the forum.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Welcome Denise,

 

Our "stories" like many Transgender's are simular.  Last October, when I came out to my wife, she said the same thing "I married a man, not a woman" and has not budged since. She does allow me to ware my panties and Leggings, but nothing that can be seen in public.

 

I am a new member here and have had nothing but good advice and compassionate and well informed information.

 

Be Strong

 

Stefi

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Denise savulski sounds a lot like me - it took me until 68 to finally say enough's enough. I'm glad you are here and there are a lot of us "late bloomers in bloomers" . You will find compassion, understanding, empathy and those you relate to you and are ready to answer questions and provide information to help you on YOUR journey.

Link to comment

Wow @Denise savulski, that sounds awful and an awful thing for your wife to say. But most advice to spouses of trans people is to leave, so her behaviour is very much enforced by society. And I'll just withhold my political opinion on why it's that way. My point is that this isn't entirely your spouse's fault and none of it is yours.

 

Courage sister. ❤️

Link to comment

Oof.  Know that at least here, you can talk, vent and ask for help freely.  We're here for you.  

Hugs

Bri

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome dear from yet another who has a wife that "married ca man".  Like you i pulled back into the closet for years.  When i came out again to her she said i had to get therapy.  Gender therapy was great for me and i was living as myself full time despite some very rocky times.  I love her and was as loving, patient and gentle as i could be.  Today years later my living as myself is rarely an issue.  With luck we will celebrate 50 years of marriage in June.

We can live as ourselves and remain married.  Therapy is very helpful for both partners!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

@Denise savulskiWelcome to the group! Thanks for sharing your story. That's certainly a hard place to be. Sorry you're dealing with all of that. ❤️

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I want to thank you all for answering  me about my story.and so far I'm just trying to get all the information I can and talking with professionals  about my journey. Things will eventually work out.things that are harder make you stronger. I'll see

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Denise savulski glad to have you join us and I feel you'll see this is a great place to be.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Denise and welcome. I’ve herd those words “I married a man not a woman” as well. We’ve been together 41+ years and I love her very much. I’ve been moving very slowly to introduce my feminine side and so far she has been tolerate. I’ll be 77 in a few days and I want to be me for as many as I have left.

 

Enough about me. Again welcome. I know you will learn a lot here.

 

Take care and know that you are loved.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Well after this stuff that we all go through and after all I've been through in my life I finally ready to follow through with this.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Denise savulski good for you - I've been told the 2nd commandment says to love your neighbor as yourself and it finally dawned on me at 68 that I've been reading that incorrectly all my life - I've got to love myself and be myself or I'll never be able to love my neighbor. Glad you are taking the plunge and learning to be yourself.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 129 Guests (See full list)

    • LC
    • Karen Carey
    • Ashley0616
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • April Marie
    • Melissa_J
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...