Hi I'm Denise and I live in ct

[Denise savulski]

Hi I'm Denise, I'm 57 and I'm transgender. I've attempted  to seek help 5 times to transition but either I chickened out or I wasn't financially ready to start.

I've been married  for 21 years and 3 years ago my life was really screwed up.i was in therapy and I started to wear feminine underwear  and a bra to my appointment.  I was on my way again  then my wife found out and she was ready to kill me she said she married  a man not a woman and if thats what I really wanted  then leave and don't come back so I'm still dressing  as a man to this day

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Denise savulski said:

she was ready to kill me she said she married  a man not a woman and if thats what I really wanted  then leave and don't come back so I'm still dressing  as a man to this day

Ouch, Denise! That is a painful revelation. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Your story has a common theme here on this forum. There are so many questions that have to be answered for yourself before you can make your next big move. It sounds like you’re working through some of it with your therapist.

 

So a big question you need to know the answer to is whether your spouse serious about her ultimatum? If so, there are some really huge choices to make about your kids (if any), your home, your future together. If you want to keep everything status quo, then there are likely going to be serious ups and downs as you suppress, deny, and compartmentalize your life.  The secrets you’ll have to carry alone are heavy.

 

Is there any way to get you and your wife together in therapy? Maybe you can work on some compromises. She couldn’t know the possible damage to your future health, happiness and your mental state of being that you could experience with her continued non-acceptance. If through therapy and counseling she could learn of these, she might have the compassion to at least compromise, in time. Change like that is a long process. Many here on this forum are working to this end. There is a point at which you need to decide...Leave the family as-is and deal with the after effects or begin a new life as your true self. It’s a last resort that some are forced to make regardless. I hope you can find some compromise at minimum.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Ivy]

Welcome Denise. 

There are people here dealing with these same issues.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Denise,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Hello Denise.  Welcome to the forum.  

 

Jani

[Stefi]

Welcome Denise,

 

Our "stories" like many Transgender's are simular.  Last October, when I came out to my wife, she said the same thing "I married a man, not a woman" and has not budged since. She does allow me to ware my panties and Leggings, but nothing that can be seen in public.

 

I am a new member here and have had nothing but good advice and compassionate and well informed information.

 

Be Strong

 

Stefi

 

[Heather Shay]

@Denise savulski sounds a lot like me - it took me until 68 to finally say enough's enough. I'm glad you are here and there are a lot of us "late bloomers in bloomers" . You will find compassion, understanding, empathy and those you relate to you and are ready to answer questions and provide information to help you on YOUR journey.

[Drayse]

Wow @Denise savulski, that sounds awful and an awful thing for your wife to say. But most advice to spouses of trans people is to leave, so her behaviour is very much enforced by society. And I'll just withhold my political opinion on why it's that way. My point is that this isn't entirely your spouse's fault and none of it is yours.

 

Courage sister. ❤️

[Bri2020]

Oof.  Know that at least here, you can talk, vent and ask for help freely.  We're here for you.  

Hugs

Bri

[Charlize]

Welcome dear from yet another who has a wife that "married ca man".  Like you i pulled back into the closet for years.  When i came out again to her she said i had to get therapy.  Gender therapy was great for me and i was living as myself full time despite some very rocky times.  I love her and was as loving, patient and gentle as i could be.  Today years later my living as myself is rarely an issue.  With luck we will celebrate 50 years of marriage in June.

We can live as ourselves and remain married.  Therapy is very helpful for both partners!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Delcina B]

Welcome Denise! I think you will find a lot of love & support here.  

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Vanessa Michelle]

@Denise savulskiWelcome to the group! Thanks for sharing your story. That's certainly a hard place to be. Sorry you're dealing with all of that. ❤️

[Denise savulski]

I want to thank you all for answering  me about my story.and so far I'm just trying to get all the information I can and talking with professionals  about my journey. Things will eventually work out.things that are harder make you stronger. I'll see

[Heather Shay]

@Denise savulski glad to have you join us and I feel you'll see this is a great place to be.

[Denise savulski]

So far I like the ladies im meeting 

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Denise and welcome. I’ve herd those words “I married a man not a woman” as well. We’ve been together 41+ years and I love her very much. I’ve been moving very slowly to introduce my feminine side and so far she has been tolerate. I’ll be 77 in a few days and I want to be me for as many as I have left.

 

Enough about me. Again welcome. I know you will learn a lot here.

 

Take care and know that you are loved.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

[Denise savulski]

Well after this stuff that we all go through and after all I've been through in my life I finally ready to follow through with this.

[Heather Shay]

@Denise savulski good for you - I've been told the 2nd commandment says to love your neighbor as yourself and it finally dawned on me at 68 that I've been reading that incorrectly all my life - I've got to love myself and be myself or I'll never be able to love my neighbor. Glad you are taking the plunge and learning to be yourself.