I feel old and hitting the wall

[Charlize]

Jenna don't loose hope about your marriage. My wife also felt she couldn't live as a lesbian.  She was worried about how both of us would be perceived. Would others threaten us somehow or would we see cold shoulders and distain in the neighborhood.  As time passed those fears lessened.  Now years later she would most likely prefer he was still here but she accepts me and the open honest relationship new have is ( i feel ) stronger than ever.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Delcina B]

On 5/2/2021 at 6:58 AM, JennaLSinclair said:

I came out to my wife yesterday. ... She also said it's still early and anything could happen.

Jenna, Your makeover brings out your beauty. I love the long bangs, mine aren't there yet, but I'm finally able to tie a ponytail. ?

 

My coming out to my wife was so similar to yours. I'm hoping some couples therapy & time will help. As you said, one day at a time.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[KayC]

You look absolutely Lovely @JennaLSinclair!

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Charlize! It means a lot to hear this.

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Delcina B! I love ponytails!

[JennaLSinclair]

OMG @KayC! You're going to make me cry! ❤️

[Vini]

Hi Jenna,  I’m sorry if my reply is late. And I’m not a lawyer. But from my experience in Washington State, the person who files for divorce first , controls the divorce.  In your case it might be a good thing to check out. After a quick google search it sounds like it. I let my first wife file first trying to be a nice guy and her lawyer controlled it, Same with my second wife. Child support was a nightmare. So I filed first in my last divorce and it went much better.  But in all cases , divorce was a relief.   I wish you good luck, Vini

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Vini! This really helps in doing research.

[Desert Fox]

It seems this isn’t a uncommon situation, though it’s usually a painful one. I think in general, as we evolve as individuals and learn about ourselves and the world, we change, and those changes can certainly cause us to grow apart from our partners. Often the feeling that arises is one of dishonesty, but I don’t think it is…it’s just that we didn’t have information then, that we do now. You didn’t lie to your wife or try to deceive her, you have changed based on new knowledge you have about yourself you didn’t have when you met her. But, her feelings of hurt and deceit are normal and your feelings of confusion and being confined are too. Some couples manage to work out these changes and others have to separate. It sounds like in your case, there may be other divergences besides just your gender identity & sexual orientation, and these all factor in. 
 

I hope things are going OK; I’m new here so I maybe haven’t found other threads of yours. What you wrote resonated with me as I live with an an ex girlfriend though we never were married, and she doesn’t believe I am trans and talking to her about it just results in painful arguments. Sometimes people hold firmly to their own opinions and there’s not much one can do to influence that. 

 

 

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Desert Fox said:

Often the feeling that arises is one of dishonesty, but I don’t think it is…it’s just that we didn’t have information then, that we do now. You didn’t lie to your wife or try to deceive her, you have changed based on new knowledge you have about yourself you didn’t have when you met her.

This is certainly true.  As we live our lives we learn and grow.  

I reserve the right to change my mind as more information comes to me.  I might have been wrong about something in the past.  It wasn't a lie, just a mistake.

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Desert Fox! ❤️ This actually helped a lot to hear. It's strange thinking of myself as changing. Even though that's what I am doing and that's what I want to do. It's like an internal transition.

[JennaLSinclair]

You're so awesome @Jandi! It's hard thinking about "reserving the right" when I have been beating myself up thinking I am in the wrong. It's tough breaking through.

[JennaLSinclair]

Update:

 

My wife and I had sex for the first time in 5 years! 

 

She had all the pleasure and I enjoyed giving her that pleasure. It was the most intimate time I have ever had with her. I can't tell you how close I felt to her. This is how I wanted our relationship to be. How I've ALWAYS wanted our relationship to be.

 

I really don't know what this means. My wife said that she didn't care what I looked like if we continue have sex like that. I don't believe cross-dressing is enough for me. I'm hoping beyond hope that she may enjoy having me as a woman. I just want to live my life as a woman.

 

We met with the marriage therapist yesterday. And we both confirmed what our fears were. Hers is that our relationship would change. She's afraid I would leave her. Which I would if I don't feel accepted. My fear is that she won't accept me. She asked what I wanted and I said I would fully transition and stay married that I value our relationship over anything. I also need to be myself. I am tired of hiding. I can't be intimate with someone when 99% of myself is in the closet. I have to feel like I'm accepted for who I am. 

 

My wife said she's looking forward to Friday for my makeover with her. We're going out for me to have a professional makeover and then we're going to karaoke. She finally gets to see me as Jenna! Honestly, if she wanted a lesbian relationship, I would be thrilled. I could see myself staying with her after transition. If I knew she accepted me. That was really big. 

 

We continued to talk after the therapy session. She said that she thought transitioning would mean me leaving her. I told her that wasn't the case. Then we had sex. I'm hoping that she sees this is who I am and accepts me. That's all I really want. She even said it was okay that she would support me if I came out to our families. We even discussed me coming out at work. It meant a lot to hear that. That what's between us is between us and no one else. Our relationship is ours. I would live the rest of my life as her wife; taking on the traditional housewife role. I've always enjoyed cooking and cleaning. I would be the perfect Stepford Wife and I would be happy doing it. 💕 I hope I'm not dreaming. I really hope this could work out.

 

Who knew that acceptance would be such a turn-on for me?

 

Jenna
❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

[Kelly2509]

@JennaLSinclairwow what a story!  All I can really say is I AM JEALOUS AF!

 

and also you look great in that photo! ❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

@Kelly2509  Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️ You're going to make me cry with your compliment! 😭🥰💞

[Ivy]

48 minutes ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Who knew that acceptance would be such a turn-on for me?

This sounds wonderful.

 I think most of us just want to be loved for who we are.

[JennaLSinclair]

You're so right @Jandi !! 😭🥰💞

[Vanessa Michelle]

@JennaLSinclair Lookin' great sister!! #jealous. 

[Billie75B]

2 hours ago, JennaLSinclair said:

Jenna you look absolutly beatiful so happy for you that things seem to be working out for you and your partner.

[JennaLSinclair]

Thank you @Vanessa Michelle !! ❤️❤️

[JennaLSinclair]

  @Billie75B sweetie, it's been a rollercoaster and it's not over yet! Thank you! 💓💓

[Jackie C.]

Love it! You GO sister! ❤️❤️❤️

 

Hugs!

[Katie M]

Hi, @JennaLSinclair! I can't really add anything to the advice that's already been given - but I CAN add another HUG! 💜

[Bri2020]

Damn girl! you and that dress, look out world!  I'm sorry I didn't jump into this thread earlier given so many similarities along the relationship front.. 

Did you end up liking your gender therapist?

The relationship rollercoaster is a wild ride for sure.

Mine had a great climb up, a HARD plummet and is now just racing along with all the twists and turns. We ended up separating but remaining very good friends. She tried to be Bi but just couldn't do it.

If you ever need an ally close by, I'm just over the river about 35 minutes from you. (And I know a great trans friendly consignment shop)