Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Masculine Social Behavior


Coconuts

Recommended Posts

So I don't think that title made any sense, I'm really new to all this. I get really anxious about passing and something that brings me a lot of anxiety is hanging out with or talking with other guys. I had one or two guy friends growing up so I feel a lot of my little habits give me away. And I could also be overthinking this but for example, girls tend to take a buddy to the bathroom. I have no idea why, it just always was that way. So obviously, buddying up to go to the bathroom would be a little strange to other guys but what about just saying you're headed to the bathroom. This is where the overthinking comes into play. Do guys just get up and go without saying anything? Do they say "I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom"? Are they oddly specific with it?

 

Basically I want to know if there are little habits men have when socializing that I'm unaware of because all my life I've been raised a girl surrounded by girls.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome :)

 

The title made good sense to me so no problems!

 

I think (looking from the opposite direction) that I have observed how women behave for years so see what you are saying well. It is a feminine trait. In a way men perhap see less so maybe that is one thing to learn - ie to seem to be less observant? I say that as you will need to keep your wits about you and sense things, at least until you are relaxed and more confident. That said, the feminine trait of observation is a good one to keep these days. But make it less obvious?

 

From my experience men tend to mention when they are going although not usually as the formal "I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom". It's more like - "I need the loo!" or "That coffee's gone straight through me", and just get up and go. Formaility like that is more for the visit to the in-laws. A 'just get up and go' happens more often in a noisy situation or if in a larger mixed crowd when such a statement may not be so ideal. It depends a bit on actual company but men do sometimes go at the same time as a friend too but only usually when both need to go, not just with their buddy for company (in that case he will usually wait outside, not go in). That is except maybe when discussing a girl, in a not disimilar way to women when they like to get private to discuss such things. I think that with a guy their sexuality is a sensitive thing so intimacy of any sort is a risky area. It does occur with really close friendship and trust but you will know someone well before then and know the boundaries. Men will tend to use slang terms far more but these do depend on company so what goes in your situation will probably differ to those here. It sometimes depends quite a bit on race and culture too. These days hugs between guys are far more common here but years ago it would have been an invitation to a brawl.

 

I suppose one point to make is that you should not appear too sensitive and just relax. Guys come in many forms but it is mainly the nervous ones who attract attention. The more confident you are the better.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Hi @Coconuts BRB works as a statement for over 90% of social situations.

Any more detail than that will depend entirely on who you are out with and their average ages.

Honestly there are more unwritten social rules for inside the loo than out, but unless someone is with close friends/drunk then the no talking, no looking, no closeness if it can be avoided thing is actually true.

Disgustingly there are still plenty of guys that don't wash their hands, no one says anything just try not to touch the door after them.

Lots of guys only use the stalls, but you do not want to come out to the mirrors at the same times as the person who was in the one next to you. 

Here is a lighthearted but still pretty accurate video link on how men behave.

https://youtu.be/cr0ClHQC_pY

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
23 hours ago, DeeDee said:

 BRB works as a statement for over 90% of social situations.

 

This is probably one of the times where age and culture comes into it as I had to look it up. When I found what the abreviation was for I understood and have heard it in the long form. It works as you say but it's not one I have commonly heard here. It would be acceptable though but, especially in older company, the unabreviated form may be better. Actually 'Back in a minute' is perhaps more regionally common here. As DeeDee says, age is relevant. Abreviations may be common among the younger population but, particularly with the older, may confuse and even attract attention.

 

It is interesting to read though. I wonder if my unease about bathroom visits (or even being in predominant male company) actually had a lot to do with my female side and behaviour. Not being gay (particularly) does make one avoid closeness in the bathroom but the main aspect I remember was more avoiding anyone looking dangerous than anything else. Things like converging when needing to use the mirrors (/ wash facilities) was more of an irritation about having to queue rather than anything else but it's true that the more likely silence in men's facilities likely gives a more menacing atmospere.

 

A good video DeeDee. The first part about the selection of urinal, I found particularly true. A point to note particularly when using the 'long trough' type as men will often almost tuck themselves into an end rather than stand perpendicular. Some of the later ones, I notice, although generally very true as taboos (and even a bit silly), I have commonly seen when someone is drunk so, to me, make good indicators of that. Some of the things are perhaps more a case of who and where. For instance the dropping (or generally just lowering not dropping) of pants to pee at the urinal is not unknown with the advent of clothing like unisex stretch jeans (or leggings) with no or short zipper are more common these days as menswear has changed. Not really applicable in the case of most pre-op  FTM though, but I mention it as showing how things do change.

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Coconuts.  As to your questions i remember so many variations depending on social company and pressures.  When i was in construction semi dirty bro outright filthy statements were made.  In polite company a "be right back" was just fine.  

Perhaps the best thing to to try to relax and not worry.  It seems when the need presses the words will come to you.

Fitting in isn't as important as finding relief.?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

You might try "Gonna see a man about a horse".. ? (you might want to Google that)

Hi @Coconuts!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
Even as AMAB I have always found male restroom habits a bit bizarre.  I think most men don't want to purposely share bathroom/urinal time together.  So any notification is almost like a warning .. "please don't follow me into the restroom".
Urinal etiquette is definite must.  If in doubt just use the stall (extra grunting encouraged).

 

If you are in there with an acquaintance then idle chit chat is the norm.  But if its just a stranger standing next to you, no eye contact, look straight down or at the wall, get in, finish your bizness, and get out. 


I'm just being a bit cheeky, but just be yourself.  That's all you really need to know ?

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Honestly, guys can go into excruciating detail about what they're about to be up to in the bathroom. It's acceptable to come right out and say, "Woah, that Taco Bell went right through me, don't wait up," before sprinting to the bathroom. Other options can include, "I have to take a wicked piss," or, "Jesus I need to go take a dump." Some guys will even give you a play-by-play when they come back.

 

The point being that men aren't afraid to be gross and it's socially acceptable to share every detail when you're surrounded by other men. This behavior is toned down a little in mixed company, but among guys it's anything goes.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
On 4/1/2021 at 7:25 AM, Charlize said:

When i was in construction semi dirty bro outright filthy statements were made.

Yea, but that's to deflect or avoid any type of intimacy and affirm that you are not gay (or are too tough to mess with).  Basically avoid any hint of any type of intimacy or interest or conversation.   Any conversation should be minimal and factual and only if necessary.  Like, if someone were bleeding out, you could say, "Poor sod, did anybody call an ambulance?"  Otherwise, let it go.  If it's someone from your building who you see in the hall twice a week, then "Hey" and a nod might be OK.  Don't strike up a conversation in the restroom unless it's someone you know well and you're just continuing a work conversation as if you were standing in the office, totally ignoring the fact that you are in the restroom having a conversation.

 

re: what jackie was saying above -- my take is the gross comments are about avoiding any kind of real intimacy -- intimacy with other men is what is verboten, restroom is forced physical intimacy -- You figure out the rest.

 

--Grace--

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 148 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • Lorelei
    • KathyLauren
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      So, I jumped on the "E" train last week and am about 10 days into my HRT journey. I have the tiniest patch available. I laughed when I opened it. "This little thing is supposed to give me more feminine characteristics?"   I haven't really felt much of anything so far, not that I expected to at this point. I am really, really tired but that may be other factors (like staying up too late to watch NCAA basketball every night). The one noticeable difference is that my libido seems to be a lot more subdued. Not that I am proud of this, but the big M was a practically a daily part of life for me. My daily comfort and way to get an endorphin hit or just deal with loneliness. The past week, though, has been, "meh." Is that the HRT tamping things down? Or just a normal down cycle for me? Not sure yet. Time will tell.   I have been very quiet about things overall. Only a few people know. No one in my immediate family. I fear the backlash I will get when they find out. Worst- case scenario, my daughters stop talking to me. That would kill me. I hope I can show them over time, "See, I am still me."   Met with my endo on Wednesday. He is good for me to up the dose when I feel comfortable. For now, I think I am going to stand pat and take things nice and slow. Of course, I could see myself tomorrow asking him to send in the script for the higher dose...   I keep asking myself, what is the end game with all of this. Unlike many on here, I don't have a concrete answer yet. I am not convinced I will "go all the way" and change my name and ID, etc. Part of me would love to soldier on just as I am but with a lot more feminine physical characteristics and a more distinctly feminine wardrobe. What does that make me? Non-binary? Not sure.  Again, I am just me, as unorthodox as that is...   All I know is that this is something I want to do. I am comfortable walking this path for now. Again, we'll see. As always, would appreciate any feedback the more experienced folks may have. Blessings to all!    EasyE
    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...