This forum—an island of safety.

[Davie]

Upset and lonely at 4 a.m. Again. So I hate to be texting by phone on a website, but it’s become a mental refuge to me. I’m lonely inside my own head because I cannot yet accept myself just yet. I’m still of two minds at war in one body. 
But this odd feeling of safety draws me in like nothing else. I hear this in a 12-step meeting I go to: “Let us love you until you’re ready to love yourself.” 
That’s an amazing and welcoming thing to hear. Maybe that fits here, too. 
Thanks so much. Hugs.  
 

Davie 

[Jackie C.]

Learning to love yourself is one of the hardest lessons we can learn. Especially with us older gals. We grew up with a lot of transphobia and I think we all internalized it to some point or another.

 

Fortunately, it's possible to move past it. Eventually. We're here to listen and help you whenever you ask.

 

Hugs!

[Davie]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

Learning to love yourself is one of the hardest lessons we can learn. Especially with us older gals. We grew up with a lot of transphobia and I think we all internalized it to some point or another.

 

Fortunately, it's possible to move past it. Eventually. We're here to listen and help you whenever you ask.

 

Hugs!

Goddess bless you, Jackie C. 
Hugs back. 
 

— Davie 

[Charlize]

My time in recovery has certainly helped me as well not only in staying sober, a miracle in itself, but in the need to be open and honest with others.  There are few places where that is possible.  Like you i am blessed to have found this site.  

I have a friend in recovery who looks in the mirror and says he loves himself every day.  Seems a strange concept but often a simple change of attitude can really help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

@Davie being at war is a good analogy but you can end it.  You are here which is a good start, and you can commune with others on the same journey.  You are not alone.  You can open up and be the person you want to be, that you truly are inside.  I have learned, and taught my son, that we have to love ourselves first.  Before we can honestly love others.  Casting off the shield we've put up is the way to honesty and therefore love. 

 

Jani

[rainflower]

About 4 weeks ago I had a major breakthru and decided I was good enough, loveable and valuable. I'm not lonely because I am my own best friend. I like me. Before this I had very painful feelings of loneliness and self rejection, which hadn't always been the case, especially in the beginning of my transition, where I was full of joy and confidence, despite not even being on hrt yet. A lot of my trouble was due to my autism diagnosis last July, even tho I suspected I had it, finding it out for sure was very hard to take. I also had a lot of buddy image issues that I got over. Anyway, yes we are here for you and glad you see this as a safe space. 

[Tessa]

I’ve been having a lot of dreams of me being the opposite sex. I know I feel better when I’m in my female state of mind but I always think people won’t accept me but no one actually makes fun of me. Well I don’t appear female with my clothing. It’s neutral. I mainly wear skinny cut up jeans and bright shirts. I’m growing my hair long. I’m not on any hrt just bring the authentic me. At home I’ll wear a skirt and leggings and occasionally  a dress.  I do my nails clear for now. I do love wearing mini skirts and have a few. I guess I’m still in the closet yet. I had a bunch of woman’s clothes and threw them out. Now just a few skirts, leggings, panties, and a few bra’s. I always feel as if I’m fighting this female side. By female side always wins tho. Been awhile since I’ve been on here. 
 

hugs

 

Tess

[Tessa]

I feel as if no one would love the female side of me. I stopped dating because of this. I guess I’m afraid that who I am will never be enough for who I’m with. This hurts so bad but this is how I truly feel inside. 

[rainflower]

1 hour ago, Tessa said:

I feel as if no one would love the female side of me. I stopped dating because of this. I guess I’m afraid that who I am will never be enough for who I’m with. This hurts so bad but this is how I truly feel inside. 

I also had those dreams on and off, and after deciding to transition, I am always Claire in them now.

I know how you feel about the dating. I'm not sure if it will be successful for me (I have both trans AND autism working against me here). I decided I would rather be single and be authentic me because I love being female so much, than present as male and have a partner in a lifestyle that I'm not really happy with.

[VickySGV]

I have been here for 10 years, 8 of them on staff, and it is our goal to keep the site as a safe space for people just bringing their Self Gender questions out in the open, and the answers they finally come up with all lead to happier and healthier lives.  From the time I first got here until now, some of the answers have become not just Male OR Female but have expanded to a wider non-binary range as to what the Gender expression and life is to be and those of us on staff accept all the expressions that you decide although we do encourage you to confirm that with experienced Mental Health care teams that include Gender Therapists and Therapists skilled in other issues you may bring here.  This is why we do have Community Rules and why we take care to allow active membership only to people who abide by those rules which do boil down to respect for each other.  We do want this to be a place where you can speak honestly but still in privacy.

[MelanieTamara]

2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I feel as if no one would love the female side of me.

@Tessa, Personally, I believe that issue is out of one's control. Sure, one can do things to improve the liklihood like not be an axe murderer or something, but at the end of the day, it's not our decision as to whether someone will ever love us or not. And that applies to all genders, humanity if you will. So I don't dwell upon it.

 

The good news is that we humans have a way of finding each other. It may not last but for instances of time, there are real connections. Otherwise, there wouldn't be billions of us.

 

"Well I don’t appear female with my clothing."

 

You have a lot to offer, everyone does. Just stay visible, don't hide. So what if you don't meet some beauty standard. The entire billion dollar fashion industry is based upon that single notion that people they don't believe they "look good enough."  You're fine just the way you are at this point in time. 

 

[Dana Michelle]

There is a certain topic I find offensive that comes up frequently everywhere I go online, except here. I don't want to give any indication of what it is, but it is not related to trans issues or anything that has been in the news. The reason it doesn't come up here is probably because discussions of politics and religion are restricted to designated forums. It doesn't come up in those forums either, probably because people who would want to discuss it would find it annoying that they can't say these things anywhere in the forums.

[Kelli321]

I’ve been reading a lot of personal stories about their journeys from finally accepting who they are to becoming who they know themselves to be. Most of those are near identical in how things eventually played out. At this moment  I’m right with you. Not quite sure how to begin....I feel like big ol’ caterpillar but as I begin the journey and put things into motion I will become the chrysalis and the transformation will begin, and as I do all that I need to do in order to be the happy healthy me as the person I’ve always known deep down, I will emerge a fully formed butterfly, whether the world finds me beautiful is irrelevant but I’m sure when it’s all said and done I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and not see the stranger I currently see. It’s going to be a roller coaster ride with big ups and downs, but the main thing Ive seen so far is the lack of regret for making the trip. That’s what gives me the hope faith and courage that we can succeed at becoming our truest self.  I feel like in the end it’s all gonna be ok. 

[Susan R]

On 4/5/2021 at 5:28 AM, AwesomeClaire said:

I had a major breakthru and decided I was good enough, loveable and valuable. I'm not lonely because I am my own best friend. I like me. Before this I had very painful feelings of loneliness and self rejection

I am happy to read this @AwesomeClaire. This is exactly my experience too. I had felt alone much of my teen through adult life because of the secret among my cis friends and family. I had to finally give up fighting it and accept it as part of me. If the world could deal with it....we’ll too bad. I decided that if I was going to feel lonely, I might as well do it as myself and not some rendition to accommodate everyone else’s expectations. That breakthrough changed everything for me and I love my life now. It’s amazing how a simple change in perspective can change your entire life.

 

Susan R?

[rainflower]

5 hours ago, Susan R said:

I am happy to read this @AwesomeClaire. This is exactly my experience too. I had felt alone much of my teen through adult life because of the secret among my cis friends and family. I had to finally give up fighting it and accept it as part of me. If the world could deal with it....we’ll too bad. I decided that if I was going to feel lonely, I might as well do it as myself and not some rendition to accommodate everyone else’s expectations. That breakthrough changed everything for me and I love my life now. It’s amazing how a simple change in perspective can change your entire life.

 

Susan R?

Ha, I pretty much have the same attitude, people just have to deal with it.