Trying to figure myself out

[Taylor_The_Human]

Hi, I'm Taylor, and in the middle of last year (2020) I started questioning my gender. I'm still like this almost or even a year later from then and I'm stuck between if I'm Trans or Nonbinary. I know I'm pretty young and have time to figure this out but I was hoping for some input and see what someone else thought since I can't talk to many people about it and it's been making me fail classes. I currently identify as nonbinary due to the fact I'm not always comfortable having male parts and sometimes I am but I currently identify as Bi-Gender (I put questioning in my profile for this reason) because I always feel male it's not really back and forth more of something that's always there. But sometimes I can't think of me having some of those parts. However, I do sometimes I think I'm afraid to say I'm Trans.. due to what my family thinks of anything involving non-cis gendered and or people who aren't straight but I assure y 'all I'm not internally transphobic. As I said, I'm just really afraid of my family for the reasons mentioned. My mom is iffy about the topic but that's another story to tell. Maybe if they were more accepting towards it I'd be Trans? I'm not sure.. but I was hoping someone could not diagnose me (of-course) but tell me what they think about this. I realize I posted a post similar to this in a different forum, but I'm hoping for more inputs since last time I got 2. I just kinda wanted to see what more people thought and if anyone else has or had this experience of any age. I'm just looking for some comfort and less stress of going back and forth. I'd love to hear personal stories and if possible become friends with you guys!  Thanks, hope you have a great day and if you don't answer this it's fine but at least thanks for reading..!

[Taylor_The_Human]

I also forgot to mention I can't get gender therapy due to the costs and because my parents divorced and my father won't pay child care and took ALL therapy off his insurance so people at work wouldn't think he's crazy. Also cuz he's cheap as heck I'm on my dad's insurance because my mom's isn't as good she's been paying for everything for me for the past year and longer cuz my dad doesn't pay and it's too expensive. Her insurance also doesn't cover it or if it does it's so little it might as well not be covered. So yeah. I came here for that reason thinking talking to people who can maybe relate would help me and make me feel less in the dumps about everything and could help me be less of a negative person.

 

Thanks!

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi Taylor,

 It seems like a lot of your questioning revolves around how other people will react. Be honest with yourself. If you shut them all out of your mind for a moment what do you think? Granted, being able to do something about it is a different story but self acceptance is the first step and can relieve a lot of stress. 
 

Obviously I’m trans but maybe if I would have accepted it 30 years ago my life would have turned out different. At least I wouldn’t be wishing I had done something sooner. 

[Taylor_The_Human]

Thanks! I'll try to listen to myself more and see if being trans is what feels right. I feel that identifying currently as nonbinary may be an attempt to playing it safe due to my anxiety. Hearing your story makes me feel I shouldn't doubt myself so I'll be more accepting towards the idea. That inspired me to be more exploring!  Thanks so much for your opinion.

[Confused1]

I agree with Liz. Who you are is on the inside, not what someone else says you are.

 

At your age I had similar thoughts and thought something was wrong with me. There was no Internet or anyone to talk to. Many of the terms used today had not been though of yet. We can't diagnose you, but I am AMAB, non binary, and trans. You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[rainflower]

When I was younger I thought I just might be gay or bi and really fem. As I learned and experienced more it turned out to be a lot more than that. I would have transitioned in my teens had I known what I know now and felt safe to do so. A lot of fear and shame kept me from moving forward with it. I just wanted to always be the girl.

[Taylor_The_Human]

I just read the new replies, and I'm really grateful to know I'm not alone in feeling confused with gender identity. It seems like the majority have this occurrence in their teens which makes sense since it's a time of self discovery and evolution. It's also very wonderful to know I have support through this confusing time, and I'm very delighted to hear all you're experiences. It's comforting to know other people have felt like this and that I shouldn't feel alone since we've all been through this basically. Thank you all for being so supportive, kind to me, and understanding. I hope you all have a great day!

[rainflower]

3 hours ago, Taylor_The_Tranny said:

I just read the new replies, and I'm really grateful to know I'm not alone in feeling confused with gender identity. It seems like the majority have this occurrence in their teens which makes sense since it's a time of self discovery and evolution. It's also very wonderful to know I have support through this confusing time, and I'm very delighted to hear all you're experiences. It's comforting to know other people have felt like this and that I shouldn't feel alone since we've all been through this basically. Thank you all for being so supportive, kind to me, and understanding. I hope you all have a great day!

Also, if you haven't already, you can check out https://pflag.org/ to find a chapter near you, or at least call someone to talk to for support. I have found the Trevor hotline useful as well whenever I was feeling dysphoric.

[Taylor_The_Human]

Ok, thanks so much I'll be sure to check it out!