family member with dementia

[Natey]

Hi,

I'm at the point where I think I'll be comfortable with my identity pretty soon, and ready to come out and start T.

Unfortunately, my grandmother has fairly advanced dementia, and also I only see her a couple times a year. I am hesitant to start T, because I don't want to confuse her by suddenly appearing with a male body. But, I also don't want to be waiting for her to die- I want to cherish the time I have left with her. Does anyone have advice for how I might handle this situation?

Thank you!

[VickySGV]

I am afraid this is a good news/bad news thing, but as her dementia progresses she will no longer remember you at all, or you will become someone she recognizes as another family member and it won't matter one bit to her.  Move on in your life, it will really not matter to hers, and for her it is blessing and curse all at once.  I am sorry to hear this, but have dealt with it in my family (it is happening now with my ex mother-in-law who no longer remembers her own daughter by face.)  Things erase from the present going backwards and then memory only lasts a few hours at best. 

[Natey]

2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

I am afraid this is a good news/bad news thing, but as her dementia progresses she will no longer remember you at all, or you will become someone she recognizes as another family member and it won't matter one bit to her.  Move on in your life, it will really not matter to hers, and for her it is blessing and curse all at once.  I am sorry to hear this, but have dealt with it in my family (it is happening now with my ex mother-in-law who no longer remembers her own daughter by face.)  Things erase from the present going backwards and then memory only lasts a few hours at best. 

Thank you so much for your reply, @VickySGV. That is sadly true, so thanks for the advice. I'm sorry to hear about your ex mother-in-law, too!

[AmberM]

@Natey I went and are going through some of the same decisions regarding my grandmother actually. I have decided that for my sake is I am better off moving forward with transition and just call my grandmother instead of doing physical visits. It is a work around I recently came up with, and it is hard because I do want to share milestones with her, but at the same time I know it would only cause more confusion and distress for her. I wish it were different for all of us that have family with dementia.

[Natey]

8 hours ago, AmberM said:

@Natey I went and are going through some of the same decisions regarding my grandmother actually. I have decided that for my sake is I am better off moving forward with transition and just call my grandmother instead of doing physical visits. It is a work around I recently came up with, and it is hard because I do want to share milestones with her, but at the same time I know it would only cause more confusion and distress for her. I wish it were different for all of us that have family with dementia.

@AmberMI'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope that everything goes as well as possible for you, and thank you for your reply!