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How do I tell transphobic family members? or if not, what do I do?


Kakileli

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Kakileli

Same story, I'm sure this has been asked before. How do I tell transphobic family members that I'm trans, or if not, how I do I get them to use my name (& preferably pronouns)? 

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KathyLauren

It makes a difference if you are living with them or not.  If you suspect they are transphobic, then your relationship with them will change.  For that reason, many trans people living at home will wait with coming out until they are living independently.  You don't want to lose your living space without some pre-planning.

 

If you tell them and they react badly, your options come down to keeping them in your life and dealing with the inevitable arguments/fights, or dropping them from your life.  No one can tell you which of those options is best for you.  Only you can decide that.

 

Some people live a double life, pretending to be their old self when they are with the problem family members, and living as themselves when apart from them.  That is a soul-sucking dysphoria-creating endeavour.  Few people have the energy to do that for any length of time.  Sooner or later, the charade fails, and the result is often worse than just telling them up front.

 

As for the actual "how" of telling them, there is no easy way.  Make sure it is a good time to talk, and that you have made arrangements for your own safety, if necessary.  Then, take a deep breath and just say it.

 

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers.  However you choose to handle it, I wish you good luck.

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Jackie C.

Well let's see, you're thirteen so I dearly hope the people living with you aren't the problem. If they are, you're in for a rough time. All you can really do is be patient, persistent and practically perfect. Gentle reminders. If you raise your voice, the argument is already lost. They'll just dig in their heels and scream about why you're wrong.

 

Unfortunately, when it's a parent, you often find yourself having to be the adult in the room. Do your best and remember that there's a world outside the house with friends who support you and won't misgender or deadname you. They'll get you through.

 

Hugs!

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rainflower

How transphobic are they? What exactly do you know about their transphobia?

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Kakileli

 I know that my sister is INCREDIBLY homophobic, so I assume she is transphobic too. Not much else. I don’t live with her btw 

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rainflower

Well, she probably won't be supportive then or use your name/pronouns, unfortunately. That's a tough one. You have to think about the possibility/eventuality tho that she will find out. How would you want her to find out?

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Hey Kakileli

I am a bit confused.  Are your parents the issues?  Do you or  do you not  live with them.

If they are supportive then your are WAYYYYYY ahead of the game. Your only 13 that's plus. Your sis should matter if she not living with you, just keep your distant 

However, if your parents and sis are not supportive  and your living with  them. 

Then I am afraid Jackie is right and you should hev  her  advice until you can get out. 

She right  it will be a rough , tough ,awful journey. As some you can try to get a pt job , save , research about support groups around you area.  You will all  need  to go to  TG therapist. if you can hold off until your 16 and self emancipate so you don't need  the parental permission then that might be a way out

Be Careful, Stay safe

 

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Kakileli
On 4/11/2021 at 5:27 PM, Lexi C said:

 

Hey Kakileli

I am a bit confused.  Are your parents the issues?  Do you or  do you not  live with them.

If they are supportive then your are WAYYYYYY ahead of the game. Your only 13 that's plus. Your sis should matter if she not living with you, just keep your distant 

However, if your parents and sis are not supportive  and your living with  them. 

Then I am afraid Jackie is right and you should hev  her  advice until you can get out. 

She right  it will be a rough , tough ,awful journey. As some you can try to get a pt job , save , research about support groups around you area.  You will all  need  to go to  TG therapist. if you can hold off until your 16 and self emancipate so you don't need  the parental permission then that might be a way out

Be Careful, Stay safe

 

My mom won't let me go to a TG therapst, although she is somewhat supportive 

 

My stepdad isn't at all, neither is my bio dad. 

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KaKileil 

Hey so you need to try to convince yr mom to do the right thing. TGT will help you both now and down the rode. 

FYI

Most Dads are A.Holes about transition. They make it about then never about you feels and thoughts

Maybe you can get school consul or teacher that might help yr parents understand.

Keep being you and its the only one you got 

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