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By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department. The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back. At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge. The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side. My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them. If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to. But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally. Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision. Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time. The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time. Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend. Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well. With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city. Together, she and I made the town our own. We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city. With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town. Willa and I had a lot in common. We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans. In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature. Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist. I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery. Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective. My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify. Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue. I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man. At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman. It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary. During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me. I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel. One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.” When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman. The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying. That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona. Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me. Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day. Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends. We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts. Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness. Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly. However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart. Hugs, Sally -
By missyjo · Posted
thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input. thank you n good luck -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules. Considering the one issue below in isolation: There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden. The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk. Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse. In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create. Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse. Thoughts? -
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By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people. People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed. As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman. I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he. Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was. Ooops. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I don't know much about CNAs. They report to an RN, right? Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
This is the thing. A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing. Today I feel great. I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman. I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife." Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's. No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female. Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace. -
By Birdie · Posted
Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum. Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I agree. But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease. One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well. He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church. And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters. I think he was stuck. I read this when it came out in the news. Very sad situation. -
By Carolyn Marie · Posted
One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE. They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk. You can find their website Here. I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance. I'll let you know if I find anything else. Carolyn Marie -
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By VickySGV · Posted
This was an angle that I was very suspicious of as well, and may be the hook on which the settlement was hung. Not at all strange especially if they had former patients who moved there that still owed money on their bills or they were buying hospital supplies from a Texas corporation. They may have business licenses in other states as well. Small loss, but saxeT shot itself in the foot there since the license was a source of income to the state. -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
Nah it's fine, I'm past the point of really blaming them most of the time. I've gotten used to it, and they could be a whole lot worse. I'm glad you have a good place, though <3 -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I wonder about the professional knowledge level here. Men have milk ducts. She, as a nurse, should know this. This is interesting https://www.livescience.com/45732-can-men-lactate.html Yes, men can lactate and have lactated, trans or cis. The idea that Birdie does not have milk ducts or tissue is just plain wrong. Her statement indicates that she has not looked at the medical record, which she should be familiar with to treat the patient.
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