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Transgirlkatie

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Transgirlkatie
3 hours ago, Charlize said:

I have been fortunate to be a long term user of Zoom and recovery.  We have a Trans AA group where many have found sobriety and now with the covid mess have over a year of sobriety.  It certainly can work if you open up to it.  That being said i am looking forward to face to face meetings. 

just hang in there.  This is temporary and will soon pass.  We are here to help you!

 

 

 If you are suicidal, call the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860 in the US or (877) 330-6366 in Canada. In the UK, call the Samaritans free on 116 123, or log in to our live chat room and ask to speak with a crisis moderator.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

Thats good to hear it worked for some. It will never work for me, and I think it's better to have no support than do it virtually. I feel like even if most people get the vaccine (which probably won't happen because of the anti vaxxers), most therapists and groups will remain online because it's more convenient than going out and driving. Right now I think I have the unpopular opinion of returning to the office 5 days a week

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Bri2020
1 hour ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Thats good to hear it worked for some. It will never work for me, and I think it's better to have no support than do it virtually. I feel like even if most people get the vaccine (which probably won't happen because of the anti vaxxers), most therapists and groups will remain online because it's more convenient than going out and driving. Right now I think I have the unpopular opinion of returning to the office 5 days a week

Katie, you are projecting fears that are skewed by your depression into a unknown future.  60% of the pop has said they are getting vaxed, add that to the people who already have some immunity due to having caught it and you have heard immunity by end of summer.  As for whether everything will be virtual, I can assure you from the many mental health care professionals I know, they can't wait until it's back to in person. They don't like the virtual either.  Never let fears of the future cloud your actions today.

 

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rainflower
12 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

I don't think zoom therapy really has any benifits. It just causes people to become less social just like work from home does. Because even if the pandemic ends then people could just say we can now do this online we don't have to go outside anymore

That's all in your head. Thousands of people are benefitting from zoom meetings. Businesses are already talking about how/when to start phasing back face to face in person meetings, so no people aren't going to become antisocial because of having to rely on zoom for a while. I've used zoom a ton and it has really helped me, yet I have started seeing some friends face to face. I think you just keep attacking zoom instead of using it and benefitting from it like everyone else, it's really not doing any good for you. Not using something like zoom to connect with others would result in more isolation than using it.

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@Transgirlkatie

This is temporary. The lockdown, The restrictions to socialization, the feeling of aloneness, they are ALL temporary.

I got my first vaccination last week, and I am SO looking forward to seeing my little brothers again when we are all vaccinated. I'm looking forward to it because it WILL happen.

I too have been abused in a mental health setting, and I find it hard to trust new doctors and therapists. I had to try several times before I found a therapist and a psychiatrist who I trusted to actually help me. And they DO. I am so much better off having found the right doctors, but they weren't the first, or second, ones that I tried. I prefer just talking to my therapist on the phone, myself, and they are more than willing to do that.

The right help for YOU is out there. Ask around. Make the difficult calls to offices to ask about doctors. It is frustrating and potentially scary, but the right help is out there waiting for you.

 

I don't want you to end your life. I want you to be there when life gets better. And it WILL. I promise you that eventually you will feel better. You have to work for it, which is difficult, but it will be worth the effort. I swear.

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Charlize

If it helps i had my second vaccine shot almost 2c weeks ago and will be going to an in person meeting next Tuesday.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Transgirlkatie
On 4/14/2021 at 8:03 PM, TrIIIy said:

@Transgirlkatie

This is temporary. The lockdown, The restrictions to socialization, the feeling of aloneness, they are ALL temporary.

I got my first vaccination last week, and I am SO looking forward to seeing my little brothers again when we are all vaccinated. I'm looking forward to it because it WILL happen.

I too have been abused in a mental health setting, and I find it hard to trust new doctors and therapists. I had to try several times before I found a therapist and a psychiatrist who I trusted to actually help me. And they DO. I am so much better off having found the right doctors, but they weren't the first, or second, ones that I tried. I prefer just talking to my therapist on the phone, myself, and they are more than willing to do that.

The right help for YOU is out there. Ask around. Make the difficult calls to offices to ask about doctors. It is frustrating and potentially scary, but the right help is out there waiting for you.

 

I don't want you to end your life. I want you to be there when life gets better. And it WILL. I promise you that eventually you will feel better. You have to work for it, which is difficult, but it will be worth the effort. I swear.

I don't think it will. I didn't have many social connections before covid and I still don't believe I will be able to find new ones anytime soon. Most people seem to have gotten used to isolation and working from home. Most people I've spoken too don't want too return to the office. The world is going to be changed in a very negative way. Masks will be required forever or every flu season. A lot of stuff will still happen over zoom (especially in the lgbt space). One of the churches I used to go to before I even thought I was trans is right now holding mass gatherings without masks or distancing but they would never accept me now. And lgbt people are in general from what i noticed much more cautious than most people even after getting vaccinated.

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Transgirlkatie

For me now than I'm vaccinated I think it's ok to do stuff like go to a crowded restaurant or nightclub without a mask

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Transgirlkatie

Right now I'm still not feeling much better. I got extremely overworked at work this week due to 3 sites requiring revisits and I had no time to relax this week. And next week im starting a full time 2 week contract followed by a 1-2 month contract. I tried taking less work so I can feel less stressed out, and everything went wrong at all my job due to things out of my control. I don't feel like it's worth continuing still because now I'm being overworked, and I still don't feel like my social issues are fixable due to all the anti vaxxers out there

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Britany_Relia

@Transgirlkatie Hi.  I'm not sure all of what's going on, but if it's a social issue that's making you feel this way, I would like to encourage you that there is a way to recover from this.  I'm not sure of the exact situation, but I myself struggled a long time with social interaction.  I was isolated the entire time I was growing up, and COVID did not change that fact.  I was quite used to being alone by that time period and so I wasn't even phased.

What kinds of support do you feel that you need that can only be given in person?  Please think about this a little and try to imagine if those same interactions can be had online in some form, or through a direct communication by e-mail, phone call, or even FaceTime.  There are a lot of options out there, Zoom isn't the end all be all of direct communications. 

There is also an app called Marco Polo that you can use to leave video clips of yourself to other users from your contacts.  I've been using that.  There's also a way to make a video log to yourself and yourself only.  If you use that to process emotions it can be very helpful as long as you go into it with the mindset of facing how you feel.

Please take deep breaths and drink water.. I believe you'll make it out the other side of this.

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Transgirlkatie

Professional therapy and social support groups only work in person for me. There's no solution to my social issues other than suicide. And wearing a mask sucks because I'm starting to have hearing loss issues and can't see people's facial expressions. They fog up my glasses and I had a friend accuse me of being a republican for saying life isn't worth living if I have to do everything over zoom and wear a mask forever.

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rainflower

I'm sorry you feel that way Katie. We're here to support you and if you need to talk.

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Beatriz

Hi Katie, I'm sorry that you feel that way.

 

Don't make a final decision on things that are temporary. In my country, people got alienated by lockdown, then they loved working from home, then they hated it again... Their moods come and go. But I'm convinced that people do want to see each other in person.

 

I have found a therapist that wants to meet face to face, which I thought would be impossible. Just hold on. It's been a crazy 14 or 15 months since the pandemic started, so it's understandable to feel exhausted. But we're going to see more of each other in person soon.

 

Big hugs

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DonkeySocks

@TransgirlkatieHey, I was thinking about you this afternoon. Glad to see this thread is still active. It sucks that you're going through big issues and also stuff with masks and whatnot, but I'm glad to see you here talking about it.

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Transgirlkatie
8 hours ago, AwesomeClaire said:

I'm sorry you feel that way Katie. We're here to support you and if you need to talk.

Ok thanks :)

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Transgirlkatie
5 hours ago, Beatriz said:

Hi Katie, I'm sorry that you feel that way.

 

Don't make a final decision on things that are temporary. In my country, people got alienated by lockdown, then they loved working from home, then they hated it again... Their moods come and go. But I'm convinced that people do want to see each other in person.

 

I have found a therapist that wants to meet face to face, which I thought would be impossible. Just hold on. It's been a crazy 14 or 15 months since the pandemic started, so it's understandable to feel exhausted. But we're going to see more of each other in person soon.

 

Big hugs

Which country are you in. Here in the USA most therapists are still only doing online sessions despite the fact our vaccination drive is going well and the cdc director said it was ok for vaccinated individuals to not wear masks or distance from other vaccinated individuals

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1 hour ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Here in the USA most therapists are still only doing online sessions despite the fact our vaccination drive is going well and the cdc director said it was ok for vaccinated individuals to not wear masks or distance from other vaccinated individuals

I expect this will change before too long.  Just give it a bit of time.

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Beatriz
11 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

Which country are you in.

Spain. I'm sure things will change in the US before too long, as @Jandi says.

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KymmieL

Katie, I am going to be blunt. But there is no difference what so ever between an in person session vs an video session but the in person part. I would like to know, just what you dislike about it? All my care is through the VA, which is government, even they are starting to lift the restrictions on having video only appointments. I have been doing in person speech therapy for the past month.

 

You are living my dream, as you say you have completed your transition. I so want to go full time live the rest of my life as the woman I know I am. I am actually making a compromise to stay married and with my wife of 35+ years. I am Kymmie only at work, at VA appointments, and other select outings. I have had thoughts of the big S just about once a week for what seems like forever. While I have never attempted it. The thoughts were there. I think my wife would rather have a dead husband than be married to a female.

 

I feel your pain about friends, other than my wife I have none. Oh, I have "friends" at work, and they know about Kymmie. I haven't had a friend that I could call just to talk or go out for coffee with. In 20+ years.  Only transgender friends I have is right here on transpulse. I thought I had a closer friend that I met on here. But she sew Transpulse only as an online temporary thing to help her with her transition. Now that she is full time living and known only as female after moving to Oregon. (most will know who I am talking about.) We are nothing to her.

 

More people than you think care about you. Us included.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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Transgirlkatie
4 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Katie, I am going to be blunt. But there is no difference what so ever between an in person session vs an video session but the in person part. I would like to know, just what you dislike about it? All my care is through the VA, which is government, even they are starting to lift the restrictions on having video only appointments. I have been doing in person speech therapy for the past month.

 

You are living my dream, as you say you have completed your transition. I so want to go full time live the rest of my life as the woman I know I am. I am actually making a compromise to stay married and with my wife of 35+ years. I am Kymmie only at work, at VA appointments, and other select outings. I have had thoughts of the big S just about once a week for what seems like forever. While I have never attempted it. The thoughts were there. I think my wife would rather have a dead husband than be married to a female.

 

I feel your pain about friends, other than my wife I have none. Oh, I have "friends" at work, and they know about Kymmie. I haven't had a friend that I could call just to talk or go out for coffee with. In 20+ years.  Only transgender friends I have is right here on transpulse. I thought I had a closer friend that I met on here. But she sew Transpulse only as an online temporary thing to help her with her transition. Now that she is full time living and known only as female after moving to Oregon. (most will know who I am talking about.) We are nothing to her.

 

More people than you think care about you. Us included.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

A virtual session is way different. You have video lag times, you have to stare at a computer screen for an hour straight which isn't good for your eyes. My night vision has gotten worse because I've had too spend more time inside on the computer. And it doesnt feel natural. I've tried it over the phone and it didn't work because I was too tempted to get distracted. And video calls just don't work for me

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Natalie99

My dear,

Please don't do it! Suicide is never a solution.

Try to find something that gives you hope. A childhood dream, a hobby, anything that you can imagine and will make you feel less stressful. E. g. reading a book, writing a story or a poem, listening to or playing music, doing sport, cooking, watching movies series anything.

I know that it is really hard to fight these thoughts and depression. But it can be better! Sometimes life is a roller coaster, but you will eventually go upwards. Control your life, don't let your thoughts control you.

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Transgirlkatie

It is the only solution and I've determined it through living thru a year of covid. And even if things did go back to normal within a couple of months. Then there's the issue of the world ending in 10 years from climate change.

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Transgirlkatie

I also just talked to the suicide hotline, and they couldn't talk with me long enough too really help me. And I dont have access to therapy over none of them being in person. I just now need too find time too kill myself to solve my problems :(

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rainflower

Which hotline did you call, Katie? Did you try Trevor chat? I've had success with them in the past.

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rainflower

You have a future Katie, believe me. This is hard on all of us, but we are hanging on for a brighter future, we wouldn't want to see it without you.

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Transgirlkatie
1 hour ago, AwesomeClaire said:

Which hotline did you call, Katie? Did you try Trevor chat? I've had success with them in the past.

I called the national suicide hotline

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