Emotional overdrive

[Mia Marie]

  I know we all go through this but I have to say something. Lately I have been feeling a flood of an emotional roller coaster. It seems to come and go and it takes all the strength I can muster up to keep it in check when at work. I wish I knew how to and what to tell my bosses (have several managers and crew chiefs). I get scared when I try and get the nerve to want to tell them so I can work on putting together some timeline or at least get some weight off my shoulders. I kind of retreat into myself and back off. I know at some point I will have no choice in the matter. What scares me even more is my emotional roller coaster. I am afraid it could elevate my timeline for coming out. what can I do?

[Jackie C.]

Well what sort of emotions? The female emotional spectrum is more rich and varied than what you were living with as a male. A lot of trans women report being weepy or giddy. I didn't really have either, there's just more. There are also nuances that the English language doesn't really have words for. It's certainly a different experience though and takes some getting used to.

The good news though? You'll get used to it. Accept it. Love it. Live it.

 

As for coming out at work: Do it. I know it's scary, but once it's done, it's done. Nothing more to be scared about and you can let someone else handle it for a minute. If you don't advocate for yourself, nobody else will. Other people probably won't figure it out unless you tell them (unless they're perceptive and also trans. I pegged a friend of mine about a year before she came out).

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

8 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

Lately I have been feeling a flood of an emotional roller coaster.

This can seem weird.  I feel like a 70yr old teenager at times… confusing.

[Heather Shay]

Roll with the emotions and accept and fill joy in the ability to have the emotions. I blocked them all my life and now am so happy to FEEL. You are allowed to feel the full spectrum and don't push them away. I will say when you are ready and come out at work - a great weight will be removed.

[Mia Marie]

Jackie, it's like this. It's the emotions that sometimes wants to make you cry and sometimes makes you want to be angry. Neither are warranted emotions for the time. They seem to happen more when someone at work talks down to me about something I am working on. And it doesn't have to be a hurtful talking down. Sometimes it happens when I become the object of someones verbal joke. I spent my whole life as an object of someones joke. I grew up being teased a lot in school. I think it makes it worse to explain these things to those people. With the emotional roller coaster it takes more will power to hold them back enough so not to break down crying at work or becoming so angry that I jump down people's throats for no reason( this happens less). Growing up the way I did also doesn't make this easier to control.

[Jackie C.]

That's some deep-seated issues sweetie. Definitely something to talk to your therapist about. It won't happen overnight, but I think talking to a professional might help you unpack some of that and process it in a healthy way.

 

Hugs!

[Red_Lauren.]

For me I have cried a lot since I started hormones, and have been all over the place emotionally, but I would say for me. Their has been a lot more happy tears shed, and happy days. Compared to my old life. 

 

I was also bullied a lot as a kid, and a adult for many reasons. As a man though. I generally let it run off my back, and still do as a woman, but there is times where hormones get the best of me, and rip into some one. Those days some times are the best days. It feels good to let emotions go. 

[Mia Marie]

 

3 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

but there is times where hormones get the best of me, and rip into some one. Those days some times are the best days. It feels good to let emotions go. 

 

This is pretty much what has happened not too long ago. As for the bullying, I got that plus being someone's idea of a joke by name calling me names like "-awesome person-" or "homo" back in the days of school just because I didn't have girlfriends or stories of dating girls. It didn't really stop when I became an adult. I think the hormones are now releasing the anger I was so afraid to say. And yes sometimes it feels good. I can tell you one thing, all the stuff going on today doesn't help with the emotional thing.

[Red_Lauren.]

10 hours ago, Mia Marie said:

I think the hormones are now releasing the anger I was so afraid to say. And yes sometimes it feels good. I can tell you one thing, all the stuff going on today doesn't help with the emotional thing.

Yea, that is pretty much how I feel. I took a lot of crap at my old job. It wasn't bullying, but other stuff. Mostly from the lazy pricks on first. Who outnumbered use 3-1, so we never got as munch done. I knew I was untouchable there though, but sick of hearing them cry daily, so I left. Before my emotions got the best of me.