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Name Change? Aaah I don't know


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tjyulick

Hi, I have been exploring my gender, and I combined by current name to create a more androgynous one, TJ. I use this name online when there's none of my family or many I people I know seeing it. I told my girlfriend that I like the idea of using TJ, and they were extremely supportive, but I kind of brushed it off because I felt weird because I have a lot of internalized trans opinions that I really wish would just go away. There is nothing wrong with wanting to try out a new name so I don't know why I am so scared of it. Anyways, what should I do to try to be confident enough to refer to myself as Tj, and how do I bring it up to my friends? They would all be really supportive, but I don't know really how to start that conversation. 

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tracy_j

I found it a bit strange using a new name too. It really seems like a big step. Perhaps more than it really is. I do wonder as my 'new name' is completely different than the old one. When I explored combining the two the results were less satisfactory. Maybe it is that people more obviously make the link backward but with a completely different name it's less so.

 

Tracy

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Yes. One very small change for me, but then a whole different point of view comes up.

I've recently changed from David to Davie but I'm not sure my name will stay like that.

Just trying it on. (Maybe this should be in the What Are You Wearing Today forum?)

But I'm trying to take some ease with this whole process and not rush things.

Change can be good. Hang in there.

 

Hugs, Davie

 

(Maybe Beelzebub for next month? 😎

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Name change is so individual. The name Shay came to me in the 1980's and I like the name a lot because I'd never heard it used until recently but several of my Trans friends prefer Heather and I like that and I was trying to see if Michelle would fit and make it easier for my wife but she hasn't grown enough in my transition to even consider a different name - she has at least stopped calling me "Mr. insert surname here" and I kind of like that too but when all is said and done I've had to let the name grow on me and I decided on Heather Michelle for legal change and Shay as a nick name.

I've asked the question from several trans how they got their name - some knew right away, some actually had their spouse come up with it,some indicated the new name was what their mother would have used if they were physical born the other sex, some just slightly changed their old name and some didn't change their name at all.

 

What all seemed to have in common is to try out a name and give it time and then over time decide if it fits or if another name picks you.

 

So you see - no steadfast rules - do what feels right for you and you don't have to pick and not change your mind. I think people are willing to let you feel comfortable with a name or a change - that's been my experience.

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    • Kasumi63
      I know everyone will tell you to tell her, and I guess you should, but I did the same thing and don’t think it was a bad approach for me. Everyone emphasizes telling the truth, but sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth, or won’t accept certain things about people, even—or especially—if those people are close. I suspect you didn’t tell her BEFORE starting because you feared or even knew that she would try to stop you. If this is something you feel you had to do, I don’t think there’s a problem with having started. However, the changes will eventually become obvious, and if you don’t bring it up, she will. At that point, you will need to have an answer. Hopefully, she will begin to be more accepting once she sees how very serious you have become. Actually, that’s what happened with me. So even though the orthodox advice will be to tell her soon, waiting until she starts to notice will give her time to process your determination to change. Good luck to you. Be sure to treat her with respect and love whatever happens.
    • Torrence Kieran
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If you don’t know that feeling you should stop reading now. You won’t understand, and none of this will help protect you from it.   Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t be as trusting because of the experience, but I don’t feel anger anymore at what happened, just a dull ache of sadness. It still scares me yes, but I forgave them for what happened. It was a normal day. Probably a weekend... details like that were never that important to me. All I know is I had free time and wanted to invite a friend over. Most of my normal friends I invited over were busy, so I decided to invite someone who I’d known for a bit, let’s call him Noah, and his brother over to play video games. My mom was home, so I expected it to go over like any other play date. I was 11, I believe, at the time. My excitement was suffocating. To be honest, I liked Noah, a lot. He was my first big crush, and I trusted him. We   were the same religion so I assumed we shared standards and it would be fun, I even thought that by inviting his little brother I was protected as protected got.   Our house is a small rental home on Woods Chapel with a main floor and a basement. It’s an odd mustard yellow color with crumbling cookies for bricks and peeling wood paneling. A large tree stands in the front yard with branches precariously close to breaking. This had been my domain for a few short years, the safest and most protected place I could be at any time. I didn’t understand greed then, frankly I still don’t understand it that well. This was to be my first exposure to it. They arrived a few minutes later. His mother is a pleasant lady, tall with olive skin and laughing eyes. I liked being around her. She dropped them off, and then was gone. My mom sat at the poorly varnished kitchen table, I don’t know what she was working on, it was something that didn’t matter on this glorious day. I was overjoyed as I put in a racing game, that for copyright reasons I’m going to call Speed Demon. We only had two controllers, so only two of us were playing at a time. That went along for a bit and was fine. We laughed and joked, then we decided to switch to an active game in which only one of us could play at a time. I was sitting on the worn crimson sofa, still happy. Noah sat next to me as his brother began his turn.   At this point my play date went snowballing downhill. I remember the feelings. Pain, hurt, fear, but mostly, confusion. I didn’t know what was happening. This was the turning point for me, the difference between childhood innocence and knowing more than you ever wanted to know. He might as well as stabbed me in the back as what he did do. A part of me did die that day, but I don’t know what part it is yet.   Writing this is like trying to break through an iron wall. The world doesn’t have words to describe this. 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      LOL. Thank you again, everyone, for all the sweet comments!  I’m on cloud nine (assuming that’s the right number)!
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      I just saw this movie! Loved it!
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    • unknown
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    • Shay
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