Living with HRT

[VintageNat]

Hi all, apologies if this has been asked before, but I’ve not been able to find anyone else who’s asked a similar question:

 

I’m looking at starting HRT, with the intention that I won’t be coming out publicly until I’m confident enough in my appearance, HRT has had some time to work, laser hair removal has been completed and possibly FFS, etc. 
 

I work in a professional environment, in offices, and likewise would probably not tell my employer anything until I’m confident as described above. 
 

Does anyone who’s on hormones have any idea if it is likely that I’d be able to get onto regular dose HRT and hide the physical changes from colleagues until I am ready to come out? I’m starting a new job in April so I don’t want to give them a chance to discriminate against me until I’ve been there long enough to have some protection which happens after the first few months of working somewhere over here. 
 

Having written this question I suppose I’m worried about getting just what I want, a change of appearance from HRT, I suppose I’m just asking if it’s possible to hide the changes from people who don’t know you well, wearing loose clothes etc, and if anyone has any tips for doing so?

[Heather Shay]

The changes are slow and even after 6 months you will have changes but not so much that many will notice unless you wear suggestive clothes. I love being on HRT and it was helped my confidence and I would think by the time you move along you will be able to make the needs in your work environment you feel you need to make.

[ValerieRun]

As there is absolutely no guaranteed way to predict how your body will respond to HRT, the journey is always a risk you have to be ready to accept. However, there are some general guidelines which could help with the time estimate. 

For the first few months physical appearance will not be changing much. As your body gets accustomed to different hormone ratio you will begin to change. For those who see you infrequently the changes will be more noticeable than for those who see you every day.

For most of your presentations those changes will not "out" you and you can go virtually for years waiting on the "right moment". Depending on the rate of breast growth, you will have to start considering your clothing options 6+ months down the road. And if the growth is substantial, closer to 12-16 months mark you will absolutely have to make some decisions. Otherwise, a slightly loose fit will get you going for as long as you wish.

 

[Red_Lauren.]

Considering I'm only a few weeks short of 6 months. I have breast. While I had breast before because of my of my weight. I doubt I could go to a beach topless any more.They might pass as man boobs to men, but woman would be able to tell. My butt is also finally growing. 

 

I have one friend who only sees me once a month, and since February. Mentions how munch I have changed mostly in my face. Which is a good thing. It means hormones are doing there thing..

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Ellie Jean said:

My aunt literally backhanded my nipple and it almost dropped me to my knees lol. 

 

That... that hurt just to think about.

 

Hugs!

[VintageNat]

2 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

I felt the same way when I started HRT a few months ago. "I'm not gonna come out until I've pretty much finished transitioning."

Lol. That lasted a hot minute.

 

I’m starting to understand this. Having lived with the feeling for a little while now, of liberation that acknowledging and accepting, and moving forwards with things is just giving me more of a “I don’t really care” attitude to what everyone else thinks, because it feels amazing, even taking baby steps forward towards living a life that I want to live regardless of anyone else’s thoughts about it.

 

My issues and hang ups with wanting to wait are still a part of my old mindset that was programmed into me by my upbringing, and they’re falling away from me more and more every day.

 

Snide comments from my wife surprise me with how powerfully hurtful they feel though. I don’t think she means them to be, but it’s easier to not care what strangers or others who I don’t really have any emotional investment in think than someone you’re used to being able to trust.

[DeeDee]

Hi @AmyJane My original intent was to get electrolysis and get onto HRT in order to minimise the in between stages, but the NHS is beyond slow and Covid has not helped as everywhere has been closed for over a year and only just reopening, so chances are I will socially transition before any of that happens and just deal with it. Doesn't stop it being a scarp prospect though, I loathe the though of having to shave my face daily and my chest every other day at least but all the research I've done (and the ladies above) state you will get 3-6 months before covering up becomes an issue. Good luck!

[Heather Shay]

Electrolysis and HRT haven't solved all the hair removal and laser doesn't work for me - but every little step forward helps the feeling of womanhood and although I dislike shaving and still pluck, every little bit is worth it to reduce dysphoria and each day you get closer to showing the outside world the true lovely woman on the inside - so do what you can - and a beautiful princess will emerge.

[Astrid]

Can't wait to get back to electrolysis after such a long interruption due to Covid. Now in month 17 of HRT, and it's been wonderful to experience softer skin -- and body hair that grows slower and is softer as well.  In the meantime, shaving my legs and torso 2 to 3 times per week has long since become part of my care ritual; I would *never* want to return to hairiness again. Electrolysis will gradually reduce the need, but in the meantime I'm fine with shaving.

 

Onward ?

 

Astrid

[Astrid]

On 4/26/2021 at 9:08 AM, ValerieRun said:

Depending on the rate of breast growth, you will have to start considering your clothing options 6+ months down the road. And if the growth is substantial, closer to 12-16 months mark you will absolutely have to make some decisions. Otherwise, a slightly loose fit will get you going for as long as you wish.

 

Spot on, @ValerieRun! I'm in month 17 of estradiol patches.  As I'm not out to everyone (and I identify as non-binary), the tightness/looseness of the tops I wear, the snugness of a cami, and whether and which type of bra to wear can vary a lot  depending on who I'm seeing/where I'm going.  Fortunately, I really enjoy strategizing my clothing choices, so it's a fun exercise for me! 

 

One of the reasons you'll absolutely have to make some decisions, as ValerieRun so aptly stated it, is that once nipples become more prominent, then you'll start to explore ways to address that (usually with a padded bra or cup).  At least for me, I find that I'm disliking wearing loose fitting tops more and more as time goes on -- and that I'm gaining confidence in simply being me.

 

Best,

 

Astrid

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

Mom noticed my nips through my shirt the other day and suggested getting me a training bra or sports bra lol. Found some options online that looked cute; she said she could help me with the sizing. ?

I really like padded sports bras. They come in basic sizes and suit my active lifestyle. The padding helps protect the buds.

[Jackie C.]

5 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

...Only been made fun of sitting down to pee a couple of times and never that anything of it lol; if this were a horror movie, all the dummies standing up to be would be the first ones gotten by the monster at the urinals lol; I'd be safely locked in a stall, sitting on a toilet with my eyes facing the room and my little 9mm concealed carry at the ready for whatever Jason or Freddy Kruger comes bursting through the stall door lol. 

 

Unless the monster(s) were carnivorous urinal cakes.

 

Hugs!

[VintageNat]

8 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

if this were a horror movie, all the dummies standing up to be would be the first ones gotten by the monster at the urinals lol; I'd be safely locked in a stall, sitting on a toilet with my eyes facing the room and my little 9mm concealed carry at the ready for whatever Jason or Freddy Kruger comes bursting through the stall door lol. 

...Poor saps facing the wall at the urinals never stood a chance hehehe. XD

I’m still haunted by that spider movie - Arachnophobia I think it was, where the killer spiders got some poor person whilst they were sitting on the toilet... 

 

13 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

The way I see it, and this may also help you to gain more confidence, but the way I see it, I plan on moving away to a totally different state; maybe even a totally different country after I've finished my transition, where I can just live as my authentic self without ever worrying about people seeing me as just a transgirl and treating me differently than they would a real girl;

 

My job is going to be the tricky thing. I’ve just landed a really amazing new job and, unless they try to get rid of me when I start to transition, I can’t see going anywhere similar all so soon. I have sort of decided on a way forward at work though, I’m just going to do it and see how the comments go from there. They’ll see my hair, nails, etc longer, body hair reducing, shape changing (hopefully) and as that gradually happens, people may draw conclusions what will be, will be. By that time I’ll hopefully have been here long enough that they value me enough to not face any discrimination just because I’m transitioning.

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

You're gonna do great girl; it's 2021 lol. A lot of fears are way scarier in our head than when we confront them head on. Most people today really don't care if you're trans or not, and I'd bet money you'll end up finding a lot more support, (and some fascination; that can be a little odd lol), than you will any discrimination. By and large, most human beings are pretty decent and just naturally see being bigoted as a bad thing to be lol. XD

I’m full time except at my job. I wear a bit of makeup and earrings and I think most people really don’t care. Really, most people just want to do their job and go home. I talked to our POOM (Post Office Operations Manager aka BIG boss) this morning and she has trans friends and is excited for me. She wants to be there in my office when I officially come out. I wish everyone on this site could have this kind of support.

 

I will say this is all happening faster than I expected. I started coming out in October and now it’s Full Tilt Boogie. 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

It's gonna be like the best practical joke ever lmao.

"That's right Dad! ...I KILLED YOUR SON! Mwahahahaha!!!" ?
 

I haven’t come out to my two brothers who I’m not close too. Everyone else knows. It’s possible my nieces and nephews told them, but it matters little to me. They always looked down on me. My folks have passed on. 
 

 

 

 

[VintageNat]

I’m pretty sure when I transition it will be the last I see of my parents. I’ve been trying to cut them out of my life for decades now anyway so I’m not going to be upset about that at all.