Can someone be genuinely scared of transition?

[Kenma_kozume]

I'm not sure if i am trans, but if i were, i would be trans ftm.

The point is that, i usually imagine my life as a boy and i feel happy, it feel nice. But when it comes to think about transition, i get so scared. Maybe that's because i've been recently questioning my gender, so i think that may be the reason. But if someone asks me right now if i would take testosterone i would get confused and doubt it. 

So, i can imagine myself as a man and feel happy. But when i cut my hair or hide my chest, doubts start to come, and thoughts like: is this the right for me? am i genuinely happy with this, or am i just forcing myself in order to fit in? maybe im just faking my dysphoria?

I'm not saying that i feel unhappy when i present as a man, it's more like i feel confused and in a new space. Oh, but i only feel happy when my family isn't around. Cuz they aren't supportive and i feel like they're dissapointed with me cutting my hair and trying to look like a guy.

It's really confusing and stressfull. Anyone with a similar experience?

 

 

[Jackie C.]

It would be more weird if you weren't at least a little afraid of transition.

 

I mean seriously. There could be hormones. There could be surgery. There could be social consequences. All these things are inherently risky by themselves. They're risky together and a lot of them, you can't take back. That's something we always, always try to drive home here: If you're not sure, don't.

 

Never ever do anything that you're not sure about. There is no right way to be trans. There is no wrong way to be trans. This whole process is about doing what makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. The operative words there are YOU and YOUR. Ultimately, you're the only person who can decide what's right for you. If that means all the HRT and surgeries in the world, that's great. If that means binders and boxy clothes, that's great too. If you want to be called "Dave" on alternate Sundays, also great.

 

You're only thirteen. You have all the time in the world to figure out who you are. Don't rush. Don't let other people pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with and most importantly, don't do anything you can't take back until you're absolutely sure.

 

On the plus side, you're thirteen so no responsible doctor will do anything for you that's not completely reversible anyway.

 

So, talk to people. All the people. Any people that don't walk away fast enough. Most importantly though, talk to a gender therapist if you can. Don't be afraid to ask for a new therapist if the first one doesn't click with you. A good therapist can make all the difference in the world. A bad therapist won't help you at all so, again, find out what works the best for you. Nobody else's opinion matters.

 

You are special. You are unique. You are the only one of you in the world. Do what's right for you and let everybody else sort themselves out.

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

Jackie is correct in her advice.  If you were not afraid you should be concerned.  At some point you will know what is the right path for you.  Only you can know this.  I was afraid.  But at some point the fear of not moving forward is greater than the fear of the unknown.  You have lots of time so absorb all the knowledge you can.  

 

Jani

[Tori M]

Hi Kenma. My quick answer is "Yes", transition is scary and rightly so.  I think gender transition is one of the hardest things a person can ever do.  I have never been afraid to be female, but the prospect of transition was close to terrifying.  From the social ramifications to the medical procedures, I was too scared to commit to transitioning while the idea of living as a woman always felt right and brought me peace, not fear.  So, it's a good and important question.  I think there's an important distinction here that can help define what to focus on next.

 

I think it's helpful to separate feelings from thoughts which was hard for me.  I, too, worried that my dysphoria was maybe just my imagination which caused anguish and confusion.  It took years for me to realize my feelings were right all along.  How do you feel when you look at yourself?  How do you feel about doing man/woman things now and in the future?  If you can separate how you truly feel, then talking to a professional and others like us can help you work through all of those thoughts we struggle with.  

[GothicLucas]

This is all great advice and I just wanted to add a little something. I don't like the focus on answering the question "am I REALLY trans or not" because it can cause this toxic cycle of self-judgment and confusion. I think it's better to acknowledge what you already know about yourself, and go from there. You REALLY feel happy when you imagine your life as a boy. You REALLY are scared of transitioning. Those are real and valid feelings. I doubt you would just give up the happiness you feel when you imagine your life as a boy if someone were to tell you you're not trans, as if it's a choice. Some people never transition, or stop transitioning, but still have those feelings and deal with them in other creative ways. Everyone's story is different and it's so important that you listen to your gut and try not to focus on fitting into pre-defined labels. If you're worried that you're faking it, explore that, too. That's another common feeling and I think it's so important to find validation from within.

As someone who is also afab, I would also check on any feelings you might be having on sexism and how you perceive the role of women in society. I have learned at middle age that this began affecting me at a much younger age than I realized. But I also genuinely feel great wearing "men's" clothing, so they can both be there.