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Today I discovered my mom doesn't care about trans people


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Transgirlkatie

Today I discovered my mom doesn't care about trans people at all. What happened was that I was talking too my mom about a story where a new jersey school vp's wife harrased a trans woman for using the woman's restroom. And then kept calling the trans woman a man, and then when they leave the resteraunt after they see they're being video taped the school vp throws beer at the trans woman. And then I told my mom about it and that I think the school vp should be fired or suspended for what he did. And she said the wife calling a trans woman a man wasn't a big deal and the only thing they did wrong was that the school vp threw beer at them. She even said I was insentive for getting upset at people intentionally misgendering me. And also said I shouldn't demand people like him getting fired for stuff like that and also about the Atlanta cop that said a mass killer was just having a bad day. I'm just so sad right now my family doesn't accept me or care about other trans people. My dad is even worse when it comes too me being trans, he always tries too blame any issue I have on me being trans

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tracy_j

My feelings are that many people don't like having things, particularly that they don't understand, thrown in their face. It does take time for people to learn to accept things, even if they have good intention. Your parents are maybe worried enough without being continuously fed with trans this and trans that. I get the way you are feeling and see that you are having a bad time but, if you look at things from their angle, are they having a bad time too?

 

It does take time and effort from both views to achieve a balance. From my experience it is the understanding of that which enables us to become more confident in who we are. You will achieve that but it will take a while. A friendly approach without conflict does make it easier though.

 

I hope I am not coming across too heavy but this is my experience.

 

Tracy

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Transgirlkatie

I just kinda feel like my mom doesn't want too understand my issues at all. Like I also told her a story of me being profiled by the police and told her why I have trust issues with the police, and she just wrote the story off that I'm being over dramatic.

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tracy_j

It's difficult for me to see the actual situation from here but, from what you say, it does not sound hostile, just dismissive. It's not unusual for an older person to be overwhelmed by youthful enthusiasm. Is that likely to be a factor here?

 

Tracy

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Transgirlkatie
On 4/30/2021 at 10:59 PM, tracy_j said:

It's difficult for me to see the actual situation from here but, from what you say, it does not sound hostile, just dismissive. It's not unusual for an older person to be overwhelmed by youthful enthusiasm. Is that likely to be a factor here?

 

Tracy

I dont know, she just doesnt seem interested in understanding how I feel about things like trans rights or not trusting the police

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tracy_j
5 hours ago, Transgirlkatie said:

I dont know, she just doesnt seem interested in understanding how I feel about things like trans rights or not trusting the police

 

Not being particularly interested in activism myself I would have to admit that I don't follow them much but I see that is not really quite the same. I do know though that, with so much coverage in the media, anyone wanting to get a break from it would hope to get home and shut it out for a while. It's maybe not that your mum is not interested in how you feel about outside things. When we get older and branch out there comes a parting of ways. I remember my mum thinking in similar ways to yours. Some of the things that I said she either dismissed or took little notice of. Other things I said and did influenced her greatly. It confused me at times. I think that it was a lack of understanding between us but that's what happens between all parents and their offspring when they begin to go their seperate ways. In time the bonds heal themselves for most families as both parents and their offspring grow to understand. It doesn't mean she does not care. She is maybe just as worried as you are but cannot handle it well.

 

Tracy

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Charlize

I would try to understand that your mom may not feel these issues affect her directly and that even if they did there isn't anything she could do about them.  If there is a protest or event that you might be involved in i'm sure her interest might grow.

I have to try to limit the things i get involved in as well.  If i let all that is happening in the news affect me i would quickly be overwhelmed.  We as trans folks are sensitive about some issues that may not seem as important to others as some they are facing.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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I am happy to see so many more Trans-positive news reporting nowadays, but I also know they can be "triggers" for my wish who is still struggling with accepting me.  I assume it might be the same for your parents.
So, I just try to avoid discussing those topics ... its unfortunate because I think it limits communication, but I would rather wait until she comes around more and we can have positive conversations.
Give them time @Transgirlkatie and hopefully things will open up more.

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PH-Mom

@TransgirlkatieAs the parent to a transman, who recently came out, I can say that the dismissiveness you see might just be your mother's way of keep her emotions in check.  I know that when I think of the person my son was and the difficulty he will face, I get overwhelmed and tend to cry.  I'm trying to keep my tears to myself so he doesn't see.  I don't want my burden to become his and I certainly don't want him feeling guilty because he made me cry.  So, it may seem dismissive, but in order to avoid an overwhelming crush of emotions, I sometimes have to act like I don't really care.  

 

I care and worry very much.  But my son doesn't need to see my tears.  I'm afraid if he sees too many tears, he may feel like he needs to go back to his former self to alleviate my pain.  What will only increase his.

 

It's a tough situation and as a parent, I have to do my best to navigate the path as delicately as I can.

 

Don't know if this helps but just trying to help you see it from a parent's perspective.

 

PH-Mom

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On 5/3/2021 at 4:22 AM, Charlize said:

I would try to understand that your mom may not feel these issues affect her directly and that even if they did there isn't anything she could do about them.  If there is a protest or event that you might be involved in i'm sure her interest might grow.

I have to try to limit the things i get involved in as well.  If i let all that is happening in the news affect me i would quickly be overwhelmed.  We as trans folks are sensitive about some issues that may not seem as important to others as some they are facing.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Yeah it's an issue that doesn't really affect my mom

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