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Is it really pretty much just feeling?

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Mary Jane

Just asking because for my gender it changes over time whether it’s fast or slow, mostly if I feel like a girl or boy or neutral not really other genders. And I’ve heard that there’s people that know it when their a little kid. And that it’s easy for some. Yet how do you even figure it out? Clothes are a sign of what it is, what you like and don’t like is a sign everything seems to be just a sign except for how you feel So is that it the feeling?

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Jackie C.

There are usually some signs, sure but they're more obvious in hindsight. For example, my wife and I were talking about how I used to collect these:


These little fuzzy puffball thingies with eyes and felt feet. | Childhood,  My childhood memories, Childhood memories

Seriously, I could not get enough of those. I stuck them to everything. I don't even remember what they were called (I think it started with a W), but I LOVED them. 


I mean sure, there was the cross-dressing stuff too, but so many of my choices did not fit what my friends were doing. I was NOT one of the guys. I never fit in doing guy stuff but... you're still just you. Without somebody telling you that something's up, you just kind of assume everybody feels the way you do.


I don't think your gender changes exactly so much as you come to terms with what's actually going on and figure yourself out. As evidenced by some of us coming out later (or way later) in life, that can take a while. It's like being gay. You just are, but it can take a minute to figure things out. Especially when you're figuring things out on your own in an environment that isn't all that welcoming.



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I didn't know since I was a little kid, but looking back there were signs. For example, with my male friends I wanted to be their girlfriend, I understood being a girl more than being a boy. I had this feminine energy, I liked helping my mom put her necklaces on. As an older teen I told my mom that I wanted a pink theme to my room and bed sheets with patterns of roses. She asked if I was gay and I realized that would out me, I joked and in a stereotypical gay voice said "Yeah, mom" and we laughed it off. But really it's what I wanted... there is a lot more but that is just a few examples.

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Mary Jane

So thing help, I don’t really know anything for me yet but pronouns, name, being a girl in games I can. other wise well if I am trans I’m probably a tomboy, and I might have thought of the perfect label for me: “transfluid tomboy” and I could always go back to trans tomboy or make a better one than both if I can think of any

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I was never into the "girly stuff" (pink things, stuffed animals, dolls, etc.), but I felt I was a girl. I felt like one of the girls, I enjoyed very much being with them and I loathed "boy stuff" (contact sports, car and motor things, their monodimensional approach to anything...). And I liked girl clothes, perhaps not the most girly, but 100% femenine. Gender was nothing to me as a child, but it became a huge thing at puberty. As Jackie says, I was perfectly OK with myself until I started to be reprimanded and insulted for not being masculine enough.


Is it "just a feeling"? Well, everything's just a feeling. The macho guy feeling macho is just a feeling. The inner voice that tells you architecture or nursing is your thing, before you've ever studied architecture or nursing, is just a feeling. Perhaps the key is distinguishing passing feelings (I'd like an ice cream; I'm not in the mood for this outfit) from feelings that originate deep inside, when an inner voice speaks truthfully (this is the person for me; no way I'm going to be a lawyer like dad and grandpa). That can take time, so it's good to take the time to talk to oneself openly - which I didn't for decades, truth be told.


PS: I think labels are good if and when they help. I am who I am. If labelling myself is going to bring clarity and a positive way forward, welcome. If labelling myself is going to become a pain or a roadblock for me, I'll politely pass on it. And if labels need to change as I evolve as a person, let them change, I won't be straightjacketed by them.

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Mary Jane

Well that feeling, my inner voice for my gender can’t really decide it’s like for “what am I?” A dancer? Racer? Adventurer? Both I don’t know and yet feeling is stronger than signs but then again my gender does change like as if it’s genderfluid even what label feels right changes so I change it when it does and I guess by your answer

(@Beatriz) it is feeling


Mostly my gender does feel like it’s neutral and it can go full on boy or girl mode (at least as full as it can). This has me thinking now tho is it really my gender that I’m thinking of? or is it a conflict of for example are girl clothes (like wearing dresses) me? But figure it out in time right?

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I think i go through phases.  Not the phases my parents spoke of but instead times when i put on pants for protection and enjoy pursuing "masculine" pursuits, like driving a tractor, doing some welding or perhaps building or repairing a shed on the farm.  Other times i simply enjoy shopping, cooking or puttering around the garden and feeling somehow pretty.  I have chosen to live as a female.  That option was denied me for so long in my life.  As the song says "I enjoy Being A Girl"  but i'm also a bit of a tomboy.  Perhaps that is true for everyone.  We are all a bit fluid. Society tries to force all into a mold.  I simply don't fit there and have come to a kind of peace with that.





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On 5/2/2021 at 10:27 AM, Beatriz said:

but I felt I was a girl

I get this kinda, but at the time I was more afraid I was a girl.  (This was in the 50's & 60's)  I was scared someone would find out, so I did everything I could to hide it.

Fought it most of my life.  She finally won.

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