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ever just feel. trapped


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Mary Jane

ive been practically a slave for my whole life everything seems normal but OVER EVERY SINGLE THING i barely have any say even how i become over time i barely control like right now i can feel myself slowly either being more closed again to be able to handle this again or -censored- obey more like my dad wants. i would be more closed again if i could but ever since being open things have changed for me so its probably going to be obey more

 

my dad isnt like evil but i cant handle things anymore

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@Mary Jane such a difficult and painful position to be in. My heart goes out to you but know you know who you are and that is extremely important and the hardships will resolve themselves over time. Stay the course, learn and if possible see therapist or school counsellor and know you have friends, allies and confidentes here - all the time - and anytime you need to vent please do.

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rainflower

I grew up in a fairly controlling environment too. Things had to be done and in a certain way, and if not, yelling was involved. The biggest boost to my mental health was when I was finally able to move away from home. I had to rent a cheap room from a couple I hardly knew in their house, but I had to do something. We were over for gaming, I had just met them and they gave a tour of the house and I noticed the vacant spare bedroom. I offered them a small monthly payment and they accepted. Then I could finally start to work on healing my trauma, which said work continues to this day over 10 years later...

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Mary Jane

im kind of seeing a therapist now but i still dont know how i can survive life anymore maybe move if i survive long enough

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Mary Jane

and seriously everything is trying to get me to kill myself fortunately its slow

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Mary Jane

i dont know why but just suddenly i feel like killing myself

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rainflower

Ok Mary, then you need to tell someone that cares about you and get help, either thru hotline or hospital.

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rainflower

Also I do care, I just am not in a position to help you, I was thinking someone like a parent or sibling.

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Mary Jane

ive tried before (with cousins) plus kind of with parents but nothing is working and i talked to a therapist before while i was feeling too different but that just led to talk to a therapist that like specializes in trauma because of how shy i can be

 

ive heard once before from an online friend i had before that each of us needs to take care of our selves the most not seek help. thats true but each one of us does need help too

 

but thinking back to before i was open i never needed help and im trying to not need help like before

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rainflower
5 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

ive tried before (with cousins) plus kind of with parents but nothing is working and i talked to a therapist before while i was feeling too different but that just led to talk to a therapist that like specializes in trauma because of how shy i can be

 

ive heard once before from an online friend i had before that each of us needs to take care of our selves the most not seek help. thats true but each one of us does need help too

 

but thinking back to before i was open i never needed help and im trying to not need help like before

There is no shame in getting help. Even the greatest have gotten help from someone.

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