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Planning for trouble


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PixieOfTheHills

As I increasingly present androgynous, I’ve been thinking about what I’ll do in various situations. 
 

So far, I don’t *think* I’ve received any verbal abuse in the street, although the other day I might have heard some man say ‘woman’ to me as I passed by. I was wearing headphones so not paying much attention to him, but he was looking at me when he said it. 
 

Actually, headphones allow you to ignore comments but of course you might want/need to know what is really being said about/to you.

 

 I’ve planned that if I get verbally accosted in the street I might say something like ‘it’s called style. Something you clearly know nothing about’, which should disarm them at least temporarily. Then just walk on. 
 

Kids. These are often the worst when they get in a group. Here in the uk kids often walk to/from school. And they use their age to protect themselves. Today, unplanned, I happened to be out walking when the kids were on their way to school. None of them gave me a second glance...... except one.... who definitely did a double take. That could have been for any one of a hundred reasons. But, the exercise here is..... be aware of others, and, get used to making a habit of being aware.

 

 Groups of adults. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid if it’s late at night or near where alcohol might have been consumed. 
 

Misfortune to be set upon by a lone.... sorry.... no other word for it...... nutter. Here in the uk we’re not allowed mace or anything like it. It’s considered an offensive weapon. Carrying an alarm? Nobody would be within earshot, knowing my luck!!! So it’s down to being assertive and not a soft target. As I do combat exercise classes at home, it teaches you how to present yourself in a fighting stance, followed by the punches and kicks and..... at the same time you get fit (and burn calories 😏).

 

 So these are my first thoughts on self preservation. But I suppose the best advice I can give myself is...... just don’t go anywhere near where there might be trouble. And if I have to, I’m lucky in that I can quickly and easily adjust my appearance so as to not attract attention. If needs must. 

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tracy_j
18 hours ago, PixieOfTheHills said:

 Groups of adults. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid if it’s late at night or near where alcohol might have been consumed.

That is my number one for problems! I prefer to avoid town at night but am seldom go, especially at the moment.

 

I don't get verbal abuse much, if hardly at all, at least locally. I think much depends on exactly where you are. Some places seem far worse than others. Here in the East Midlands things tend to be pretty quiet. I do remember one time walking past a group on lounging teenagers but just ignored them. Just one showing off, as he was before he even saw me. He may have even been high so it would have been risky to comment. That was over in the west though.

 

Kids sometimes comment but it is rare. Little children sometimes stare as I think they cannot work things out. The most interesting was two local boys passing on their bicycles. One said to the other - 'I wonder what it's like being a lesbian?'. I wondered on that question for some while too (I have a female partner). It takes some thinking lol

 

It reminds me of an incident I had in 'Next' a few years ago. I joined the queue at the tills, with a new coat I was buying, just behind a couple with their teenage daughter. When they saw me they all nervously smiled, almost stifled laughs. That I can accept as it is a natural reaction and not intentionally negative. Worse though, the man then picked a women's hat off a nearby stand and did silly poses. I was actually amused particularly as he soon looked like a real heel reacting to the glare he got from both his wife and daughter. I honestly found it amusing and do see it as a positive incident for all concerned. He got swift and correct justice. Yes I do think it good to have a sense of humour.

 

Personally i find it best to keep a good eye out for problems so I can be ready before anything happens. I am luckily blessed with women's intuition, at least most of the time, so read trouble and spot individuals often well before anything happens, even if it is incidents not connected with me at all. Yes something can happen with the lone 'nutter' but I am reasonably tall and look fit so hopefully don't seem like easy prey. I tend to attract lone and 'different' people anyway as I don't instantly reject them like perhaps many would so am not unfamiliar with their types of actions. It's very unusual, if ever, for me to wear headphones in public. To me, it's not the danger from intentional assult so much as unintentional accidents and situations. I like to be aware of the world and, apart from the odd negative comment, there can be lots of good ones too. I do chat to people as I go which would be impossible if I were closed in.

 

There are some men who 'glare' and don't speak. If passing in the street I say hello as I pass (I live in a village where people do that), to be friendly. It may put them on the back foot if they were going to ecalate things. Women are usually pretty friendly although strangely when I visited Scotland (Glasgow area and coast) the women were actually far worse and quite nasty at times whereas the men were totally unconcerned. I never worked that one out.

 

Tracy

 

 

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PixieOfTheHills

Extremely interesting post Tracy. Thanks for that. And I concur. 

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Sally Stone

I still think it's sad that we have to worry that our presentation can be a problem for others, however, it is the world we live in, so being cautious comes with the territory.  I was in a shopping mall with a girlfriend when a group of older teenagers began following and heckling us.  Clearly, their pack mentality emboldened them.  That incident was a rare occurrence, though, not indicative of my usual experiences in public.

 

Again, we should never take our own safety for granted, but my experience has been that eye contact, a smile and a big friendly hello can usually disarm anyone.  The other thing I have always done is to act as if I own the space I'm occupying.  I think it sends the covert message: "don't mess with me."

 

Every once in a while we all get the chance to meet the ultimate jerk; in that case, the best course of action is to just walk away without comment.

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DeeDee
21 hours ago, PixieOfTheHills said:

I suppose the best advice I can give myself is...... just don’t go anywhere near where there might be trouble.

I have always tried to live by this motto, and genuinely think it is a good rule of thumb regardless.

 

Like Sally I think it is a crying shame that society still thinks rudeness and casual bullying and violence are acceptable as long as it's aimed at someone else. :( 

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PixieOfTheHills
5 hours ago, Ellie Jean said:

'm usually awake all night and asleep all day, especially now that I just got a job working at Smith's with the freight crew from 12 AM - 6:00 AM. Being a night owl in cowboy country, I always have a gun on me ready to go, not to mention years of martial arts training and years of emergency response work, (plus a rough childhood where I ended up being jumped into a street gang lol) so all in all I feel pretty safe; I even dare say I'm a little bit of a bad ass lmao. 😁

I just love this post!!! All of it. I presume tht all the facts are actually true legal facts, an you could do all that. 
 

There’s only one problem I can see here. What if they can’t bother waiting for you to go to Washington before settling the matter? It’s like, when I’ve been in altercations in the past, my adversary has always objected to my saying, when he’s really got me going, ‘I’ll be back’.  He just, I don’t know, runs away, mumbling something about a vista.

 

 So maybe I will go the legally binding contract route from now on. I have some confidence in it now!!!

 

 Thank you @Ellie Jean 😊

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PixieOfTheHills

 Love it!!! 😂

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Bri2020

Girlfriends Night Out Rules:

 

We enter together- we leave together. NO EXCEPTIONS

No ditching 

Need to go to the bathroom? take a friend

Going to the bar? take a friend

Dance floor?  take a friend

Never leave your drink alone.

Never drink a drink someone else brought over to you.

Want to hook up with someone? Get their number for another night.

The evening ends when the first person who wants to call it a night says so. No Arguments

We walk each other to our cars, second to last person drives the last person to theirs.

 

I was made to memorize these last week when I went out with a bunch of ladies in Savannah.

Most were women of color so they were emphasizing, it's not safe for women in general, but especially for us and YOU.

I loved being cared for ;)

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/18/2021 at 4:19 PM, Ellie Jean said:

I'm usually awake all night and asleep all day, especially now that I just got a job working at Smith's with the freight crew from 12 AM - 6:00 AM. Being a night owl in cowboy country, I always have a gun on me ready to go, not to mention years of martial arts training and years of emergency response work, (plus a rough childhood where I ended up being jumped into a street gang lol) so all in all I feel pretty safe; I even dare say I'm a little bit of a bad ass lmao. 😁

I figure if any coworkers at work gives me any grief about my being trans I'll just challenge them to a fight and watch them shrink lol. ...Things get only slightly more complicated if they actually agree to settle it with a duel; I'd have to have them follow me to Washington real quick (it's only a couple hundred miles or so away; few hours drive, tops). In Washington, I'd then have to write up a little contract on some scratch paper declaring our willingness to engage in mutual combat until one of us taps out. FINALLY, I would have to contact the local police department and let them know of our arrangement, then politely ask them to send a cop over to serve as a referee as is required by law. THEN, once the constable arrives, THAT STUPID JERK FROM WORK and my charming self can have ourselves a good ol' fashioned fistfight to see if he still wants to be a stupid doo-doo head hehehehe. XD

....God bless America lmao. 🤣

 🤠  Yeee-haaa & yes, GOD BLESS AMERICA!   I love this country!🇺🇸

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