Planning for trouble

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Kerry_Autumn To me, blades are even scarier than guns.  My GF carries several of them.  I watch my GF and my husband sparring with various styles of blades frequently.  Just watching them in a training environment is intense.  No way I'd choose a blade, especially when the first rule of that kind of fight is "make peace with the fact that you're going to get cut."  😯  Just the thought makes my skin crawl. 

 

It seems that like so many things in life, a lot of one's risk comes down to habits and life situation.  I suppose I grew up fairly sheltered as the daughter of an upper level police officer.  Now I'm married and my life is pretty secure.  Public transport? That simply isn't a thing in my world.  But I can definitely see how that could be a risky environment.  

[Clofree]

All of this is very joyful and inspirational!

[Kerry_Autumn]

@awkward-yet-sweet

Another point showing that people are actually more afraid of blades the firearms, even though they are statistically less deadly by far, but that's not my point here lol. I totally feel you, aggressive self defense like a knife or gun isn't for everyone. 

It's most important that you think of what kind of reaction in a dangerous situation fits your temperament, skills and personal comfort level.  I 100% feel that running is always the best solution if you're confronted by a potential violent situation.  Beat feet!!!  It's always better then getting caught up in a bad situation.

My main point is that how we would all respond to a aggressive interaction should be something we think about before it happens.  If anyone decides that fighting back physically isn't something they could do, that's totally OK, just think through how to handle things if it gets physical can be enough.

My earlier post got a little intense, I admit I was kinda triggered by some of the things people shared here.  My life experience in the past has involved a lot of violent confrontations so that's where my brain goes.

I appreciate everyone who has shared here!

[Abigail Eleanor]

Lots of good points in this discussion!  I'm still working out my specific handling of personal safety issues. At age 62 I'm still in good enough shape to think running from an assault could work, but my tricky knees remind me that this is a significant gamble. I rate that gamble against the other gamble that I'll be sufficiently handy with a deadly weapon to get out of a situation with minimal physical or legal hazards.  Haven't decided to arm myself just yet...

[Trans22]

I've never had a taste for any form of alcohol, so staying away from that source of risk hasn't been a problem for me.  I'd have no chance in any sort of physical conflict, so avoidance is what I run with.  I continue to steer clear of owning/using any form of weaponry - I'm not yet in a position where I can trust myself to resist the temptation to use such weaponry on myself.  My end-of-life dreams haven't stopped yet, although at least they are making me cry now - a positive sign.

[Kerry_Autumn]

One quick tip is that if you're uncomfortable with weapons for self defense, get a good can of mace.  I do mean good, like not the kind from the dollar store.  Look for police surplus type, do some research, I've had good luck with a brand called fox labs but I'm not sure they still exist.  Also, don't expect mace to work like it does on TV.  I've been maced more then once, and it doesn't instantly make you fall to the floor blind and crippled.  It does make running your ass off to get away hella easier tho!  Another good one is one of those 130-150 decibel key chain alarms.  You pull a pin out and it makes a noise loud enough to damage hearing, which can really discourage anyone from continuing to come after you.  Plus it leaves your breath free for running instead of yelling for help!

 

@Trans22That's exactly the reason I got rid of my pistol, I'd had it in my mouth once too often and I didn't feel safe with it around me.  That's why I choose to carry a knife and/or other less lethal means of self defense.  I'm WAYYY to much of a wuss to try and use a knife on myself, plus the kitchen is full of em anyhow.

[Trans22]

3 minutes ago, Kerry_Autumn said:

I'm WAYYY to much of a wuss to try and use a knife on myself, plus the kitchen is full of em anyhow

I'm a big time wuss.  I'm also very "accident prone" and I've had more than my fair share of near death experiences (no conscious thoughts associated with these situations though).

 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Kerry_Autumn Pepper spray can work, but there's things you have to know about it.  "Surplus" is a no-go, as the stuff expires in about 5 years.  Also, some people AREN'T incapacitated by it.  My husband has been through military and law enforcement training.  As part of his training, he has been through pepper spray and tear gas as well as a pepperball riot gun and a Taser.  It is uncomfortable, but he can both see and fight through it. 

 

My husband's product advice is to get "Sabre Red" brand (used by police), or a Kimber Pepper Blaster which is actually non-aerosol.  I have one of those, although it is so light and slim I keep misplacing it. 🙄 Fox Labs is popular and used by some agencies, but I can't vouch for it personally.  There are also some pneumatic pepperball pistols out there. 

 

Whatever you choose, get training.  Remember that even if trained, you might not have the instinct to use it in a tense moment.  I have no idea how I could develop that aggressive instinct, no matter how much I want to or logically agree that it is a good thing.  If you're like me in that, stay close to a friend or partner who is more aggressive and can protect you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Diana Stone]

Mostly over the last 25 years or so I have been fairly lucky and not had any real trouble, apart from one incident where a drug user threatened me with a knife on the way to work (that was because of where and who I worked for at the time ) he was upset that his licence from prison might be about to be revoked and he would be recalled. I managed to talk my way out of that  And once at a bus stop where a guy threatened me with a broken bottle. I also talked my way out out that.  
I have never had trouble at in any of the Pubs and clubs I played music at though over the years fortunately, although I witnessed  plenty of fights.  

I can't recall the last time I had any verbal abuse. When I lived in London I used public transport during the day, (when you get to 60 in london you get free travel) but I drive when I go anywhere at night, Where I live now there is only one bus or take a cab.
I have never carried weapons and doubt I would be able to use them anyway. Most are illegal in the UK. The only people that carry them are druggies and criminals.  
 

[Marcie Jensen]

18 hours ago, Kerry_Autumn said:

Another point showing that people are actually more afraid of blades the firearms, even though they are statistically less deadly by far, 

 

Actually, that's a debatable statistic. One of the things I remember from training over 20 years ago is that a knife wielder can cover 21 feet before the average person can draw a pistol from a hip holster. (Shoulder holsters are even slower in terms of drawing a pistol.)  This is confirmed by the FBI.  Additionally, most humans will not use a weapon to kill another even in a life or death situation, Hollywood not withstanding. Additionally, blades (knives) have a psychological advantage--they're scarier.

 

The point here is that a weapon is only as "dangerous" as the person holding it. For most of us, this requires lots of training to overcome the reluctance to take life. Finally, in a situation (such as a knife wielding assailant) the option of "shooting to wound" is another fiction; one has less than 1.25 seconds to react, which is why police academies and the military trains to shoot center mass and keep shooting until the assailant drop, drops their weapon or the slide on the pistol locks to the rear--whichever comes first.

 

@Katie23point about situational awareness is on point. Frankly, for most people, carrying pepper spray is a better option than carrying a knife or firearm.

[Colleen Henderson]

16 hours ago, Kerry_Autumn said:

 Another good one is one of those 130-150 decibel key chain alarms.  You pull a pin out and it makes a noise loud enough to damage hearing, which can really discourage anyone from continuing to come after you. 

I encourage pulling the pin and tossing the alarm part into the bushes. Your adversary can't retrieve it, and the longer it stays there the more attention it attracts.

[Abigail Eleanor]

17 hours ago, Kerry_Autumn said:

Another good one is one of those 130-150 decibel key chain alarms.  You pull a pin out and it makes a noise loud enough to damage hearing, which can really discourage anyone from continuing to come after you. 

What about my own ears 🙉

[Kerry_Autumn]

Wow, you all are getting me fired up here!

Couple responses:

@awkward-yet-sweetYes I agree avoid surplus as in old, I more meant the same grade/quality of police issue for mace.

TRAINING AND PRACTICE makes the difference even if all you plan on doing is being situationally aware enough to know when to beat feet!!!  The guy who trained me in how to handle knives taught me that you never carry any type of weapon you don't know how to use and aren't willing to use.  As was said in an earlier post, it's not really reasonable to shoot to wound with the realities of reaction time.  From personal experience tho, it's allot easier to manage non-lethal strikes with a knife (again, given proper training and exp)

@Marcie Jensen mentioned the old 21 feet to close argument about knives and blades.  From what I've learned personally, from experimentation and research this one is a bit of a misleading statement.  It assumes lots of things, like a virtually imediate deployment of the knife to the handgun user's holster type/position and not having a round already chambered.  There's just so many variables to deployment for both types of weapons that it's not really clear.  I found that it was much more on the order of 10 feet, or for example in a confined space like a car, that a knife is better offensive option then a gun.

@Abigail Eleanor I super agree those things are loud enough to damage hearing, particularly if you get them close to the ear.  I figure balancing the low chance of mild hearing damage against getting beaten/robbed/assaulted/killed etc. then I'll take the ringing in my ears for the next day for sure!

 

I lived a life before I was able to come to terms with my gender identity and sexual orientation where physical violence was a semi-regular occurrence.  When I first started making steps to move forward in my journey of becoming the person I wanted to be/felt like inside, I got out of that life.  However, I still have all that baggage; the trained responses, the drawer full of self defense gear, the PTSD like situational awareness(never sit with you back to the door and know your exits! lol).  All this talk of self defense just got me a bit sad, even though as my partner can attest I'm obsessed with novel defense gear, just thinking about the fact that I haven't totally left behind a life where I as a trans person need to be aware of my personal safety.  While not to the same degree as when I was involved with hard drugs, the need to take steps to keep myself safe isn't going anywhere.

 

All my love to anyone who has experienced physical or verbal abuse because of who you are!

Oh hell, all my love to everyone here regardless!!!

[Abigail Eleanor]

I wish I knew of a glue that would allow me to (rather than toss the loud panic alarm where the attacker can't get it) stick it to him so it goes where he goes. 🤭

[Kerry_Autumn]

2 hours ago, Abigail Eleanor said:

I wish I knew of a glue that would allow me to (rather than toss the loud panic alarm where the attacker can't get it) stick it to him so it goes where he goes. 🤭

That would be so awesome, or something like they use for bank robberies that explodes and covers them with paint that won't come off!  If we're dreaming that is... lol

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Marcie Jensen I definitely agree with the 21 foot estimate.  I've seen my GF in action, and she can practically FLY across 20-30 ft to pounce on an opponent.  Since she's pretty average, I can only imagine what somebody tall and lean could do.  Interesting you mention "shooting to wound."  My GF advises, "Never leave an enemy behind you....finish what you start."  My husband teaches something called the Mozambique Drill....you've probably learned it.  

 

Yes, the weapon is only as dangerous as the person holding it.  My husband sometimes says, "A gun should be a tool in the hands of a weapon, not a weapon in the hands of a tool."😉  He teaches a lot of stuff to our county's cadets, including taking them to a hardware store and showing them that a firearm (including ammo) or an IED can be made out of common items.  😲 

 

Above all, there's one thing that my husband and GF and other partners have that I can't replicate.  It is the ability to change from the mode of "just going about my day" to "this guy is bad news and I'm gonna smack him" in 0.5 seconds.  During my assault back in August, I was totally taken by surprise.  I was focused on getting out of my car to exchange insurance information and deal with an accident.  I was getting manhandled and thrashed before I knew it.  I'm just too slow.   In training, I can draw, fire, and hit targets accurately.  If I'm prepared, I can slip out of a chokehold or evade somebody who's trying to catch me.  I'm also a fast runner, and generally in good shape.  But unprepared?  I can't seem to make that split-second transition.  🙄

 

I think a lot of it comes down to mindset, and there's different kinds.  My husband is always looking out for threats.  He's comfortably alert, ready to defend...life is about home and hearth, duty and honor.  Another of my partners displays a different kind of defensive demeanor.  She's alert, but fear-driven due to her background.  She's nervous outside home, ready to flee or fight, constantly scanning the area like she's being hunted. 

 

My GF is a totally different kind.  I can read her because we're close, and sometimes she's a bit scary.  I watch her as she scans people and her expression is ice-cold.  She's the hunter, the world is prey.  She actually enjoys a fight and looks for opportunities...to her, life is about dominance and advantage.  Understanding her is about as close as I can get to understanding some of the people in the world who might harm me.  The human is the weapon, whatever they are using is just the tool.    

 

 

   

[Ivy]

https://www.npr.org/2022/12/15/1140713659/oregons-lgbtq-community-worries-that-a-new-law-will-keep-them-from-obtaining-gun

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Ivy. Interesting.  It would be nice if some who previously opposed liberty would begin rediscovering the real purpose of the 2nd amendment - protecting the people (especially minorities) against the power structure.  

 

 

 

[Abigail Eleanor]

Hmmm, sure looks like a suppressor on her AR-15, I didn't know that was a thing. 🤨

[awkward-yet-sweet]

1 hour ago, Abigail Eleanor said:

Hmmm, sure looks like a suppressor on her AR-15, I didn't know that was a thing. 🤨

Yep.  They are controlled items, but if you go through the paperwork and pay $200 to the Federal government, it is easy enough to own one. A pretty good idea for a home defense rifle, actually. Saves your ears. 

[Birdie]

On 5/18/2021 at 4:01 AM, Sally Stone said:

Every once in a while we all get the chance to meet the ultimate jerk; in that case, the best course of action is to just walk away without comment.

I met one of those! Taking the trash out when I was still pretending to be a man, but my breasts has grown so I was wearing an underwire bra. I was presenting as my AGAB (male), but also very noticeable breasts. 

Some stranger walking through went into his rant about "leave our children alone", and how I was some kind of a freak show in his opinion. It escalated to the point that he threw his coffee in my face. 

I was dressing the part of my assigned gender, and my breasts are natural. Not only was he out of line, he was wrong. 

It is that moment that I really considered going where my body is leading me and start dressing the way I look and feel.  That negative experience was actually beneficial to me in the end.