Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Therapists


Msecret

Recommended Posts

I am excited to be starting a new therapist soon. After looking since the middle of last year I finally found one with some real legitimate looking gender specialty and is part of a significant size practice. My current one (since January) claimed to be well qualified and experienced in the area, but has not helped me figure anything out. When I ask, it's always something to the meaning of "if you think that you are transgender, then you are transgender" or "if you think that it would be a good time to start hormones, you can start hormones". Same thing with wearing female clothing outside of home or coming out to people. It's been weekly sessions and she'll say that she doesn't know me well enough yet if I press for some real feedback. I hope that this isn't the norm. Not that I need to be told what to do, but some kind of guidance in how to best proceed would be nice. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Perhaps i was blessed with my therapist.  She also let me make my own decisions, which seems to be what has been your experience as well.  She did not use phrases like:

12 hours ago, Msecret said:

"if you think that you are transgender, then you are transgender"

Instead by going over my issues over my life i saw patterns which began to give me an answer.  Over several sessions i saw that my issues were not going away.  I was not encouraged or discouraged but instead given a non judgmental ear that seemed to lead me to my own conclusion. 

What was most important to me was that i had made there decision to be completely honest about a topic i been too ashamed and fearful to really examine, non the less express to another person.  I seemed to find answers myself as i explored my life and feelings with another person.

Hope that helps.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I love my therapist, but I can't say she has ever offered me advice or directed any of my decisions or actions.  A good therapist really shouldn't do that, but they should help enable you in the process of your own self-discovery and be affirming and accepting as you reach those new plateaus.

If you were not getting that from your previous therapist (and maybe her lack of experience in the transgender field is why) then its probably good that you decided to seek out a new therapist.


Hope all goes well, and you can give us an update.

Link to comment
  • Admin

@Msecret, did you ever ask your original therapist how many trans clients she's had, or specific training, or what contacts she has that would assist you (doctors, voice training, clinics, facial hair removal places, etc)?  If the answers to such questions were mostly "no and none," then I think your switch to a better qualified one is well worth it.  Best of luck.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

@Charlize

@KayC

@Carolyn Marie

Thank you all. While my therapist did not use that specific phrase, it was the context. I spoke with her today and informed that the new one is someone I perceive to be more of a specialist, being that the new one is not cis gender and lists gender as a specialty. Apparently current one has had clients who have transitioned, but I guess it's not as simple for me. Hopefully this new person goes beyond simple validation and helps me understand how I am valid and to help me figure out how to where I'm comfortable on the gender spectrum, otherwise doubt, anxiety, guilt, and wondering how I can transition while dealing with family and work and whether it's worth it could really make life hard. I want to feel confident that transition will make me happy, but also be able to tell my very sceptical wife something to the effect of "I'm valid, this is why, and an expert has confirmed that my feelings about this are normal and legitimate and that I am not just confused and doing something that I'll regret." I hope I am not asking too much but first session in less than a week ?

Link to comment

Good therapists are guides on our journey.  They can ask probing questions, listen and offer perspective, but as a few have pointed out here, they should not 'tell' you what to do with your life.  I have had a gender counselor for almost ten years, and she is fabulous.  She is a lesbian who has been a part of the LGBTQ community for over thirty years and helped dozens of transgender patients find their way.  With what I am currently experiencing, having an established relationship with her is a life saver.  And she gets it.  In her words, when I told her I need to transition, she said, "You have been putting on a brave face for a long time."  That bit of reality hit home, and it brought me to tears.  Yes, indeed, a brave face for a long time.  At no point did she ever say, "Hey, you need to transition."  I have come to that conclusion after trying to figure out how else to bury and deny my trans identity and really why I have never been happy.  I think that is what I want most--the chance to be happy and feel 'whole' and complete and who I really am.....hugs, Melissa.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 109 Guests (See full list)

    • Miss Cormac
    • Maddee
    • Susie
    • Willow
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...