What do you do when you get frustrated with the pace of your transition?

[Heather Shay]

I am convinced being honest and truthful as the only way to reach my goal. Yesterday I read a post how one of us went to a club and was hit on as a CIS girl. I went to Menards with my wife and was called Sir. Gosh I am frustrated. I can't worry about being clocked because I can't seem to even get a look now and again. 10 months HRT has been amazing inside and somewhat noticeable outside but I feel frustrated not reaching the next level.

How do I handle the frustration....i cry....i feel good crying...i now am learning to realize these type of thoughts should not dominate me and it's slow but I'm learning.

How do you handle frustration?

[Jani]

I tend to be analytical so I think about what happened and what I can (or could) do to remedy it.  Unfortunately transition is not something we can rush, and to be honest some things we can never change.  We must adapt and be flexible moving forward.  Otherwise we will die a death from a thousand cuts.  Most people are not being mean but are reacting to learned gender behavior.  Its a hard mold to shatter.  We all handle these situations differently.  In the past I would keep it inside, but later I learned to speak with my therapist.  That helped a lot.  I know this isn't much of an answer.  In the end its best to let them go.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Niamh]

@ShayI'm sorry to hear you experienced such a disappointing event. It is such a lot of effort to make our outside appearance align with what we feel inside, that the failure of others to recognise our gender is a crying matter. I often wonder how I will react if I am misgendered in public as it hasn't yet happened to me, but I'm lucky - I'm only 5ft 6in, slim shoulders and can get into clothes and shoes within limits of most CIS women clothing ranges. However, when I open my mouth and speak, I have a male voice. I'm genderfluid, so I accept the masculine aspect of my gender (and I'm not on HRT), but do feel annoyed when I join conference calls for work and deliberately join in video mode so others can see which gender I am - and some continue calling me by my male name. I don't fully regard this as mis-gendering as my name on systems at work still starts with my male name (although Niamh is part of the display name now). However, the deeper I continue my gender journey the more I appreciate the nuances of gender in communication and how hurtful getting it wrong can be.

[Heather Shay]

@Jani - thank you as always.

 

@Niamh just the knowledge that you are more sensitive to it - means you are being more sensitive to others and I appreciate it.

[Ivy]

I try not to let being misgendered get to me as long as it's not done maliciously.  

But I really like it when it doesn't happen.

[Elizabeth Star]

I try not to let it get to me but some people just don't listen. I spend most days on the phone at work and I am almost always misgendered by customers.  I introduce myself on every call. Blah, blah, alarm service this is Elizabeth, how can I help? Yes sir, I need to......  Some days are worse then others. Sometime I spend my lunch hour in my car, crying. Before I would have just held onto the emotions and drank them away when I got home.

 

As far as the pace of my transition. I want it all...now, but can't. So I'll take whatever little tid-bit of change I can, when I can. It always feels like I'm outrunning the darkness. Only once it starts to consume me again do I push to take another step. At times my life depends on it.

[Charlize]

I think time has been my best cure.  I now calmly say "it's miss not sir" on the phone.  Somehow i've come to accept that there will almost always be a chance for the wrong pronoun to pop up from the past.  While i still cringe it also seems to slip away quicker.  I am a trans woman and accepting that and both the positive and negative aspects seems to be a process rather than destination.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Heather Shay]

@Elizabeth Star wonderful attitude and I love "out running the darkness." That should be the title of your blog.

 

@Charlize you are a mature trans woman and I have such much to learn.

 

My therapist yesterday talked about the fact that we can't control our emotions. If we could we would get up every morning and say happy thoughts only. When we have sad and frustrating thoughts give them room but realize they are only thoughts and you don't need to let them dominate you. I'm trying and learning. Thank you for your answers they really help to face my own struggles.

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Shay said:

If we could we would get up every morning and say happy thoughts only.

I think the goal is to stay positive.  In every situation there is an up and down side.  Focusing on the up side.  Think: light at end of the tunnel (no not a train!)  

 

We might not be able to control our emotions but we can control how we react to them.  

[Heather Shay]

@Jani wise woman wise words well received.

[Confused1]

I am gender fluid and not trying to socially transition. Not sure I ever will. I have had my hormones shut down for slightly longer than you. The most important part of this to me was what happened inside my head. I had GCS 3 weeks ago, but have to wait until the end of this year to get estrogen. I have experienced many of the changes everyone gets from having HRT, but probably slower than most experience.

 

I can't exactly speak to what you are going through, but I would enjoy someone calling me ma'am at some point. Of course it would help if I grow my hair out. I have been practicing with my voice a little to prepare for if I do ever come out. No matter what else I do, my voice would out me at this point. This a long process. Try to focus on your gains and remember you are making progress.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[KymmieL]

@Shay I handle stress with tears, also. anymore I can tear up at the drop of a hat.

 

I get sir, dude, manned all the time at work. Even though it clearly says, Kymbrill on my shirt. Luckily my co-workers call me Kym and use my preferred pro-nouns. I do work in a male dominated environment.

 

Kymmie 

[Maddee]

Usually I cry about the pace of my transition.  I blame the matrix of my life because I never grew up.

 

Woah... slow down, cupcake.

The other day I rapidly punched and kicked open two hundred containers at the end of a shift.  Because someone in charge of me seems to think I'm an idiot.....and because he does not treat me like he treats the hot girls.... darnit

 

I don't really pass pass (stealth level)... Guys that are attracted to me are sometimes irked about it.

 

Tired of being crazy.  Done with it.

Confidence. Now. 

 

Maybe I'll make an action figure voodoo doll of that supervisor...

 

 

[Dana Michelle]

Something my therapist suggested when I was talking about being frustrated at how long transition is taking (in particular, how long until FFS) is to find something to give this part of my life value and work towards my goals in the mean time. This was 2 1/3 years ago and I was talking about how I was worried it would take 2 1/4 years to get FFS. I still have not had FFS.

[Red_Lauren.]

I mentioned to a friend a couple of months ago. That i was disappointed in my breast. She asked why, and I told her they don't look like breast yet. They look like more flabby male breast. In reality they don't. You can tell they are breast, but we are our own worst critics. She was like dear you are just starting give it time. I know she is right, but I was also disappointed around that time 

[Maddee]

Anyone,

How long should you wait on HRT for breasts to develop before moving on to augmentation?  I've heard a couple years.  I'm just past that now.  Mine look pretty good size....if I was 5'1" with 24" band...

 

[Maddee]

YMMV

        

                         

                      Sincerely,

                                    Anyone

[Maddee]

Genius answer, Anyone!

 

Did you come up with that yourself?

 

Good luck with your transition sweetie

 

Hugs

[Jackie C.]

You're supposed to wait at least three years, but I've heard as many as five for older gals like me. Mine are... unobtrusive... after about three years but hope remains high. They're mine and I still love them.

 

Hugs!

[Maddee]

I love my body too, darn it!

 

Five years............. 

Long time to possibly develop distracting obtrusions.

 

Good luck to us

@Jackie C.
.

[Heather Shay]

@Maddeei recently had 1 year HRT checkup. My NP said 3-5 years for full breast development on get. You need minimum of 1 year before augmentation could be considered.

[Kiera]

On 8/5/2021 at 12:01 AM, Maddee said:

Anyone,

 . . . before moving on to augmentation?  . . . pretty good size....if I was 5'1" with 24" band...

       24" band? lol Think my six-yr-old would need better, not that she needs one! My doc seems to think if on "Spiro" very long breasts won't really happen at all -- He has over 2000 trans patients now and insists on sublingual tabs before going to IM's . . unless yer already "over 60" ? in which case won't prescribe tabs at all! 

 

      He has a lot of very young patients. Insurance company called me the other day saying "these tabs are only $4 co-pay" and I was like, OH WELL! Been 3+ months on EV, first "blood test ever" is tomorrow (via "Quest Diagnostics" just down the street) and am now wondering WHERE WILL THEY STOP!