Not what, but who am I?

[Astrid56]

The person I see in the mirror is not always the person I see in my mind.  I have changed some of my outward appearance to match my mind’s eye. And I like what I see. I know I have always been different since I was a child. And I’ve been back and forth with my self view many times over the years.  Am I Trans?  Not sure, but I know  I am different on the inside than the outside. 

[Heather Shay]

 

@Astrid56 I personally wanted to welcome you to TP. You questions are so valid and worthy of understanding and finding out about for YOU. There are some amazing people here, many your age, many with similar backgrounds and questions and all are great listeners, supporters and willing to share opinions and advice based on personal experiences and more importantly based on love.

 

 

[Ivy]

Welcome Astrid.

[Astrid56]

Thank you Jandi!

 

[Confused1]

Welcome Astrid. You will find friends and support here.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Astrid56]

Thanks Mike. I really need that right now. 

[Jani]

Hello Astrid and welcome.  Whether or not you are trans is up to you but if you are questioning your gender you are most likely somewhere on the spectrum.  You, like many of us here, are at a point of "I need to make a decision."  We're not getting any younger but happiness can be achieved if that is what you are searching for.  Please join in the conversation.

 

Cheers,

Jani  

[Astrid]

12 hours ago, Astrid56 said:

Am I Trans?  Not sure, but I know  I am different on the inside than the outside. 

 

@Astrid56 Hi, from one Astrid to another ?.   Perhaps you've been reading up on working through your gender identity, but if not, there are a number of excellent books on this topic.  One that I've personally found helpful is How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Gide for Exploring Who You Are, by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker.  It includes exercises to work through.

 

And, as has often been stated on this site, labels themselves are not as important as the comfort that derives from simply being an authentic You.

 

Best wishes on your journey,

 

Astrid

[PixieOfTheHills]

.

.

Welcome aboard @Astrid56

 

And your summation is rly nicely put. 
 

and the responses actually addresses some questions I have. It’s like tht here. A community supporting and helping each other. 

[Beatriz]

22 hours ago, Astrid56 said:

I am different on the inside than the outside. 

Welcome, @Astrid56. I can relate so much to that statement. Hugs!

[Astrid56]

Wow!  You are all so wonderful!  All of your mindful replies really mean a lot to me. I feel much better about everything.  One lesson I have learned: what you look like on the outside does not define you. It’s what you feel, and experience. Many times I feel the conflict between my heart and my mind, as I’m sure most everyone here has.  The support I’m getting here is already helping me come to terms with this internal battle. Thank you all so much! (Giddy inside!)?

[Ellyssa]

Hello all, 1st post here. Jackie Rabbit brought me here. 
 

I went to this topic because this is where I am now. I’m older, repressed, admitted that I’m trans but probably too scared to do anything about it.  I’ve also realized that I really don’t know the woman inside me.  I think Ive been so into the act of being a cis hetero male that I’m not sure who she would be. I’m thinking I would be pretty fem, pan, but beyond that, I don’t know.  If I’m ever going to transition, I want to know her before. 
 

Has anyone else been worried about that and how did you manage?  Thanks!

[Heather Shay]

@Ellyssa how many hours do you have? LOL. I've had a similar past and each time I was able to suppress my dysphoria the more it came roaring back and it took my years of different therapists and finally a gender specialist and HRT to come out fully last year and that was age 68. So you are certainly not alone and very welcome to share your thoughts and ask for advice.

[Ellyssa]

Hours?!?  Days, months, years…??
It’s not so much dysphoria for me but a strong urge for femininity that only gets out briefly and very rarely publicly. The feeling is very fleeting so my female identity is hardly formed, thus the “Who the hell am I?” feeling. 
I think I need to go back to my therapist after two years away. 

 

[Ivy]

Welcome Ellyssa.

I first came out to myself at 67, so you're certainly not alone in that.

 

5 hours ago, Ellyssa said:

 I’ve also realized that I really don’t know the woman inside me.  

I suspect that this has to be a growing experience as more and more is uncovered.  After all, we've spent a lot of our lives trying not to know her.

Personally "fem, pan" is kinda where I'm at at this time.

5 hours ago, Ellyssa said:

 If I’m ever going to transition, I want to know her before. 

I don't know if you can really completely do this.  I'm still growing into who I am, and the process will certainly continue as long as I live.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Elyssa.

 

I think a lot of us have been in that position.  I started my transition at age 62.  I am 66 now and mostly done transitioning.  If I had waited until I fully knew who I was, I might not have done it.  Part of the adventure of transition is learning who I am.  It's an ongoing process, one that I hope lasts for many more years.

 

True, it felt a bit like jumping out of a plane without a parachute, becoming a new person without knowing exactly who that was.  But I decided to trust the same instincts that told me to start transitioning in the first place.  I am loving the journey.

[Ivy]

4 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

jumping out of a plane without a parachute

I love it. 

And true.

[Ellyssa]

Thank you ladies. I appreciate the wisdom. That first step is a doozy!

[Heather Shay]

@Ellyssa indeed it is - what it's the most wonderful step when taken.

Hugs,

Heather