Take 2

[Astrid56]

Okay....so yeah I did this once already, but there’s more. There is always more. I was a skinny kid, yeah already said that, identified with girls, yep, said that too. What really go me thinking was when someone commented on how feminine my legs are. Yeah. They are. So is my butt and frankly, my body. I was the constant target of ridicule by pretty much everyone in my life except for....you may have guessed...my mother. Pretty much until I go married. I tried so hard to be a man, but inside me I had no spark, no desire to be a manly man or whatever the masculine thing was. I am convinced that I was supposed to be female and something went wrong somewhere along the way.  I have decided I am going to work hard to be who I really am. When I find  what that is.  Sigh.....

[Carolyn Marie]

2 hours ago, Astrid56 said:

 I have decided I am going to work hard to be who I really am. When I find  what that is.  Sigh.....

 

That's what most of us here strive for, too. Astrid.  Who that is will be different for all of us, too.  You will find that inner you, hon.  Just keep working at it and giving yourself time.  Reading a lot of posts may help you; it definitely helped me way back when.  Keep asking questions, and perhaps find yourself a gender therapist when the time is right.  We'll be here to help.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Astrid56]

1 hour ago, Carolyn Marie said:

 

find yourself a gender therapist 

 

Carolyn Marie

I am actively looking.  Thank you for the advice. I’m finding a lot of good things here. And maybe, just maybe, making some friends too. 

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Astrid

[Elizabeth Star]

I agree with Carolyn. You will find yourself. I scoured the internet for years looking for answers to questions I already knew the answers to. I needed confirmation before I could move forward. Finding a therapist was the best thing I could've ever done.

[Heather Shay]

@Astrid56 from what I've seen to be already made friends and count me in as one. It's hard to journey forth and discover the Real you and no matter who you are and what you find, know we love you Just Being YOU.

[Charlize]

Astrid, perhaps the most important thing i found here was that i wasn't alone.  Instead i found a place where i could be honest and open with others.  That is something i had rarely found before.  We are all on different paths but can learn so much from sharing and listening to others.  I found as i've heard elsewhere that i am not terminally unique.  I'm so glad you have joined our conversation as we grow to understand and accept ourselves.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Astrid56 said:

I tried so hard to be a man

Hi Astrid.  I was the same way growing up.  I had "body" dysphoria growing up because I never had a typical "masculine" body. 

I was pudgy in my teen years, including wide hips/butt, narrow shoulders, lack of significant muscle mass .. I did my best to mask this and present as masculine as possible and dread if I was ever labeled as "sissy".
Now, I am finally over that (only took 50+ years ?) .. now I appreciate my long shapely (shaved) feminine legs and it doesn't take much in the way of shape-wear to give me a nice waist/butt line. 

As @Carolyn Marie recommended a gender therapist will really help.  I have been seeing one for over a year now and my level of self-awareness and self-acceptance is extremely beneficial for me.

 

Hoping your therapist search proves successful soon❣️?

[Astrid56]

Thank you all, ladies for your love and support. I feel at home here. 
 

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Astrid