Vanity

[PheonyxJayde]

Ok so I’m vain, sue me, lol.  
 

but seriously I know I’m vain. I’ve been vain for years as a guy and happily I’ve known myself to be a pretty attractive guy.  And now, as i look at the options for living my full female self with 45 years of testosterone having worked it’s “black magic” on me, I have this great fear that I will never achieve the level of satisfaction my vanity desires as my true female self that my false male persona has achieved.  I wish I had transitioned at 13 and prevented the havoc testosterone has caused my once slight frame. But here I am.  I want to present fully feminine but I’m scared (and vain) that I will never measure up when I do. 
 

I know this is like the worlds most shallow post.  Has anyone else experienced this?

 

pheonyx 

[rainflower]

It's a lot more common than you think. Many of us I think are disappointed at times with how we turned out. I also transitioned later, around age 36. You can bet when I here about young pretty transwomen running around with partners and having fun it really gets to me like nothing else. I had a pretty severe episode today. I was at a family gathering and photos were taken. I saw the photos later and just about cried. I hated what I saw and wanted to give up. I know that isn't the solution tho, and in the end, I see that the photos are really not that bad. I knew going into this I wouldn't be a super model, or even pass. But sometimes I just get more of a harsh reminder than others. Sometimes I feel like a woman, sometimes I feel like a man playing pretend.

[MelanieTamara]

It's my belief that when you come to the mental realization that you are transgendered, then you are transgendered at that very point in time.  But we also live in a public culture. And that culture is very visually oriented.

 

So I think it's natural to want to appear in public as close to the desired appearance of said desired gender (or any gender variant within) as you can.

 

I think most transgendered individuals alter their appearance in some fashion. Many of us use pharmaceuticals (HRT, Lip Injections), Medical Devices (Silicone Implants), Medical Services (Facelifts, Vaginoplasty), Physical Self Transformation (body shaping, gym) and even clothing to achieve our goals. At the end of the day though, they're all just tools used in the appearance modification process.

 

The reality is though, that not only are you the judge on your appearance, there are also a billion other Simon's out their who are judges too. You'll either get public grade of A, B, C, D, or F. But so what. How much weight you give to the public grade is totally up to you. I personally don't care. I am who I am.

 

And no, I don't think your vain. I just think you are on the never ending rat wheel with the rest of humanity who happens to also think that they themselves never look good enough either. There's a billion dollar fashion industry to verify that.

 

My advice is take pictures of your physical journey and keep them private for only you to marvel at. I guarantee they'll be an inspiration for those days when the spanks don't work well enough for that tight, totally age inappropriate, pink bodycon you bought on a whim.

 

 

[PheonyxJayde]

8 hours ago, MelanieTamara said:

It's my belief that when you come to the mental realization that you are transgendered, then you are transgendered at that very point in time.  But we also live in a public culture. And that culture is very visually oriented.

 

So I think it's natural to want to appear in public as close to the desired appearance of said desired gender (or any gender variant within) as you can.

 

I think most transgendered individuals alter their appearance in some fashion. Many of us use pharmaceuticals (HRT, Lip Injections), Medical Devices (Silicone Implants), Medical Services (Facelifts, Vaginoplasty), Physical Self Transformation (body shaping, gym) and even clothing to achieve our goals. At the end of the day though, they're all just tools used in the appearance modification process.

 

The reality is though, that not only are you the judge on your appearance, there are also a billion other Simon's out their who are judges too. You'll either get public grade of A, B, C, D, or F. But so what. How much weight you give to the public grade is totally up to you. I personally don't care. I am who I am.

 

And no, I don't think your vain. I just think you are on the never ending rat wheel with the rest of humanity who happens to also think that they themselves never look good enough either. There's a billion dollar fashion industry to verify that.

 

My advice is take pictures of your physical journey and keep them private for only you to marvel at. I guarantee they'll be an inspiration for those days when the spanks don't work well enough for that tight, totally age inappropriate, pink bodycon you bought on a whim.

 

 

I love so much about this reply - thank you ?

[PheonyxJayde]

8 hours ago, rainflower said:

It's a lot more common than you think. Many of us I think are disappointed at times with how we turned out. I also transitioned later, around age 36. You can bet when I here about young pretty transwomen running around with partners and having fun it really gets to me like nothing else. I had a pretty severe episode today. I was at a family gathering and photos were taken. I saw the photos later and just about cried. I hated what I saw and wanted to give up. I know that isn't the solution tho, and in the end, I see that the photos are really not that bad. I knew going into this I wouldn't be a super model, or even pass. But sometimes I just get more of a harsh reminder than others. Sometimes I feel like a woman, sometimes I feel like a man playing pretend.

Thank you for sharing this.  It’s nice to know others feel similar.  I’m trying to focus on self love being more than beauty - society sure likes to remind us what “beauty” means though.  I really appreciate you sharing the photos story and can only say that we are our own worst critics.  And yes, if I had been able to give voice and transition at 12 when I can say I really knew I was a girl beauty as it’s societally seen might have achievable and the young among us are very lucky that society has moved to allow that. 
 

phoenyx 

[Jackie C.]

Late to the party, but oh yeah. I'm vain as heck. Now.

 

Before I came out of the closet? Not so much. I mean why put lipstick on a pig, right?

 

Now though: I make sure I look nice. I accessorize when I can. I moisturize like a fiend and dress to draw attention to my best features. I may never be a beauty queen, but I'm owning what I've got.

 

Hugs!

[Sally Stone]

It took me years to stop letting what I thought other were thinking about me keep me from living a fulfilling feminine life.  Like you, I was terrified by the prospect of not measuring up.  Once I realized the only person I had to satisfy was myself, I was free of a "self-imposed" closet.  I make the most of what I have and when I do that, I feel pretty on the inside, which is all that matters.  It's been truly liberating to let go of the need to pass.

[Charlize]

Yes i am vain and can't deny it.  There are parts of me that want to be that hot 30 or 40 year old woman i see at the market.  Perhaps those desires for times long past will always haunt me.  I do the best i can to present well.  And do pretty well for an old gal if i say so myself but maybe the best i can do is to accept that i'm not 18 or 26 anymore and "hot" is a bit beyond me.  I am for the most part just happy to be me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Melissa Mazurek]

For those of us who are transitioning from male to female, this topic is very relevant.  Women are, despite progress, judged by how they look and yes, comparing one another makes it very difficult for cis-girls and women to feel they 'measure' up.  Teenage girls really struggle with body image issues, etc.  So do we.  T may have wreaked physical havoc on our bodies, but time has at least made me much more mature and grounded.  Getting through our own mental hurdles is the 'big leap' I think we all need.  For example, how many of us have honestly ever stated to ourselves, "I love myself, and I am trans, and I am proud to be me."  Optimism goes a million miles.....

[Melissa Mazurek]

10 hours ago, MelanieTamara said:

It's my belief that when you come to the mental realization that you are transgendered, then you are transgendered at that very point in time.  But we also live in a public culture. And that culture is very visually oriented.

 

So I think it's natural to want to appear in public as close to the desired appearance of said desired gender (or any gender variant within) as you can.

 

I think most transgendered individuals alter their appearance in some fashion. Many of us use pharmaceuticals (HRT, Lip Injections), Medical Devices (Silicone Implants), Medical Services (Facelifts, Vaginoplasty), Physical Self Transformation (body shaping, gym) and even clothing to achieve our goals. At the end of the day though, they're all just tools used in the appearance modification process.

 

The reality is though, that not only are you the judge on your appearance, there are also a billion other Simon's out their who are judges too. You'll either get public grade of A, B, C, D, or F. But so what. How much weight you give to the public grade is totally up to you. I personally don't care. I am who I am.

 

And no, I don't think your vain. I just think you are on the never ending rat wheel with the rest of humanity who happens to also think that they themselves never look good enough either. There's a billion dollar fashion industry to verify that.

 

My advice is take pictures of your physical journey and keep them private for only you to marvel at. I guarantee they'll be an inspiration for those days when the spanks don't work well enough for that tight, totally age inappropriate, pink bodycon you bought on a whim.

 

 

Your opening is spot on....:) 

[KathyLauren]

13 hours ago, PheonyxJayde said:

I’ve known myself to be a pretty attractive guy.

 

They say that handsome men make handsome women.  I wouldn't know from personal experience in either category, but that's what they say.  LOL! ?

 

I am vain enough that I would like to be beautiful.  But that is not as important to me as that I make a first impression that says "female".  I think I generally succeed.  If that impression lasts, great.  If not, then I am being visibly trans, and I consider that to be a form of activism. 

 

I have been on HRT for over four years, and I like what I see in the mirror.  My eyes and lips changed noticeably in the first year.  Since then, there have been subtle changes to my face and body.  Not just boobs, which are small but shapely, but also my hips and thighs.  (Now, if I could just lose the muffin-top...)

 

I am not trying to attract a mate.  I just try to look good because it makes me happy.  With the pandemic and mask-wearing, I haven't worn makeup in over a year.  In the old days, I used to put makeup in any time I went out, even just going to the grocery store. 

 

I started at age 62, so you young whippersnappers in your 30s and 40s have lots of time to develop.  I started with hopes but no expectations.  The only cosmetic surgery I had was a trachea shave.  Overall, I am happy with how I turned out.

[Heather Shay]

I wasn't actually vain as a male - I used to say I had a face made for radio ... as female I know I'll never measure up to the standards of society or CIS women but I remember some great lines from the movie called "Normal" back I think in the 1990's and Jessica Lange finally accepted her husband Tom Wilkerson (not your most handsome man and worse as a lady) as a women and helped her with make up and clothes. Jessica said something to the effect, "You have to use what you've been given and if you've been given large shoulders you wear clothes to reduce the appearance."

I have no pipe dreams of ever being considered pretty I just would look to be mistaken as female from time to time, that's what I've been given. No shapely hips, thinning hair, small boobs, but everything is mine.

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Charlize said:

 I do the best i can to present well.  And do pretty well for an old gal if i say so myself but maybe the best i can do is to accept that i'm not 18 or 26 anymore and "hot" is a bit beyond me.  I am for the most part just happy to be me.

This sums up me as well. 

 

Jani

[PheonyxJayde]

3 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

 

They say that handsome men make handsome women.  I wouldn't know from personal experience in either category, but that's what they say.  LOL! ?

 

I am vain enough that I would like to be beautiful.  But that is not as important to me as that I make a first impression that says "female".  I think I generally succeed.  If that impression lasts, great.  If not, then I am being visibly trans, and I consider that to be a form of activism. 

 

I have been on HRT for over four years, and I like what I see in the mirror.  My eyes and lips changed noticeably in the first year.  Since then, there have been subtle changes to my face and body.  Not just boobs, which are small but shapely, but also my hips and thighs.  (Now, if I could just lose the muffin-top...)

 

I am not trying to attract a mate.  I just try to look good because it makes me happy.  With the pandemic and mask-wearing, I haven't worn makeup in over a year.  In the old days, I used to put makeup in any time I went out, even just going to the grocery store. 

 

I started at age 62, so you young whippersnappers in your 30s and 40s have lots of time to develop.  I started with hopes but no expectations.  The only cosmetic surgery I had was a trachea shave.  Overall, I am happy with how I turned out.

Thank you so much for sharing - your line that handsome men make handsome women has ignited my hope lol 

[Ivy]

I don't think I was very vain as a guy.  But I did derive some satisfaction in my rather knurly look.  I mean, real men got scars and stuff, right?  (But as another rabbit hole, is reverse vanity, still vanity?)

But, moving on…

Also, having 60+ years of testosterone poisoning behind me, I haven't expected to look like a beauty queen.  So no destroyed expectations here.  I think girls like myself have age working for us in a twisted way.  The majority of 70yr cis women don't look like beauty queens either.  So maybe our expectations shouldn't be too high to begin with as far as looks go.

For better or worse I think my look these days is kinda "witch hag" which I might as well just go with.  More "reverse vanity"?

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Jandi said:

I mean, real men got scars and stuff, right?

 

Gray area. I find women with scars sexy as all get out. ?

 

Hugs!

[rainflower]

10 hours ago, PheonyxJayde said:

Thank you for sharing this.  It’s nice to know others feel similar.  I’m trying to focus on self love being more than beauty - society sure likes to remind us what “beauty” means though.  I really appreciate you sharing the photos story and can only say that we are our own worst critics.  And yes, if I had been able to give voice and transition at 12 when I can say I really knew I was a girl beauty as it’s societally seen might have achievable and the young among us are very lucky that society has moved to allow that. 
 

phoenyx 

Yes, that is something I am working on too, self love and just accepting where I am at and not comparing all the time. This morning I literally said "F--- it" and decided that I was done moping and feeling bad for myself. My outlook really turned around and I feel great. I even looked at those photos from last night and don't see anything wrong with them. I also met with a friend last night that assured me I looked fine.

[rainflower]

8 hours ago, Melissa Mazurek said:

For those of us who are transitioning from male to female, this topic is very relevant.  Women are, despite progress, judged by how they look and yes, comparing one another makes it very difficult for cis-girls and women to feel they 'measure' up.  Teenage girls really struggle with body image issues, etc.  So do we.  T may have wreaked physical havoc on our bodies, but time has at least made me much more mature and grounded.  Getting through our own mental hurdles is the 'big leap' I think we all need.  For example, how many of us have honestly ever stated to ourselves, "I love myself, and I am trans, and I am proud to be me."  Optimism goes a million miles.....

Thank you, this was great.

[swallow]

Hi All,

 

Nothing wrong with vanity in the least!?

 

As someone who has lost my spouse to cancer, life is short. ENJOY!

 

But remind yourself :

 

1) Cis Gender women face tremendous pressures with Beauty standards. Women come in all shapes and sizes, many don't live up to media ideal but have some unique charm and beauty to accentuate. Don't set yourself up with unrealistic expectations when starting. Find your best asset and play that up first. The rest is  as they say 'work in progress'.?

 

2) Aging is as much an issue for Transgender as it is for Cis-Gender women. If anything Cis-Gender women have to deal with the 'aging cliff' when they can no longer go up against the younger competition on same footing. But in recent years, Hollywood/Media have had more representation of older women in media that have otherwise kept this group in sexless anonymity.

 

We now see women wearing their Grays not just with pride but with style. Older women may not enjoy smooth skin of youth as much but a slim trim figure goes a long way. Even if genetically disposed otherwise to a heavier figure, knowing how to dress, makes a massive difference (some of the bigger girls on Drag Race illustrate this very well)?

 

In the end though, confidence is sexy.  The physical aspect will contribute greatly to this but don't forget your character also plays an important part!?

 

Personally, I have been accused (by my kids of course) of being vain and taking too many selfies.?

 

What they don't realise of course is much of it is also due to insecurities.?

 

Looking good in the mirror may not equate to looking good on camera. Which is lying? I certainly prefer to look my best when I go out and about. I certainly don't want to crack anymore camera lenses than necessary.?

 

Because why not? I feel I am pretty and have been bless so may as well share it with the world.?

 

Bottom line, don't feel guilty. But don't set the bar too high first and leave yourself dejected.

 

Find what's unique and make it shine!?

 

ENJOY yourself.❤️

 

 

[tracy_j]

My take on things is really an old fashioned belief in being a lady. That way being ladylike is the key. It's not really looking young or old but being the lady. Almost beyond or above the outside world. It's not often I look into details but think of always being well turned out. Always polite. Ready with a smile and slow to get ruffled and embroiled in conflict. It's shown by old fashioned etiquette and learned in finishing schools.

 

Ok - In some ways an unrealistic dreamworld of the nostalgic past but there are many things to be learned from it. Following some of them does build up the confidence to face reality.

 

For instance, it is not whether we are pretty or not or whether we pass or not. It is just that we do the best we comfortably can and then confidently face the world. Don't forget that as uncomfortable in a crowd as we may feel there are many more in that crowd who, although they may have different issues, lack confidence too. We are not alone in that set. One step forward is to realise this. You are not lesser you are equal. There is a world full of cis women following these very steps with fear too.

 

It many ways it throws vanity out the window unless you bring in the obvious female vanity of facelifts, botox etc (I count gender surgery etc as irrelevant to the subject in the context of my meaning here).

 

Tracy

[Bri2020]

I wasn't vain when I pretended to be male.  I wanted to be, I tried to be attractive and so desperately wanted to viewed that way but early life quashed my self view so never saw myself how other did. Only in later life did I realize that many people thought I was "Handsome"

At first when I accepted myself at age 54 I had those same feelings resurface and had the panic of "oh great, I'm now and ugly woman and will never be accepted as attractive". It was a powerfully heavy weight to work through.  And in that process I discovered I am a bit vain.  Part of my self love development work  seeing myself as the people who did love me see me.  I've had so many female friends become jealous of my "tall lean body" or "amazing curly red hair"   I've had some newer girlfriend great me now with "hello gorgeous". It has all fed into my self image (and my vanity).  lol. Will I become a super model at age 55-56? Hell no.  But when I look back at myself from just a year or two ago, I see that I've become beautiful in my own way.  That said, I can't wait for FFS and electrolysis to be done!

Here's a progress pic- no surgery, just some weight lose and 9 months HRT. When I look back I realize I've come a long way

[Guest]

Hot mama ?